Regarding the "husband of one wife" clause, it is also possible that this is descriptive and not prescriptive. It may be that for various reasons almost all deacons were men at that time. Therefore when describing the characteristics necessary, it would make sense to describe them as applying to a man. However, I don't think we can say because of this that it would be unallowable for a woman to be a deacon.
The situation is more clear involving pastors, and I tend to think that women should not be pastors.