Forgotten principles in divorcing someone...

So, what would you all suggest for a Christian woman married to a non-beleiver that goes out and gets drunk/does drugs, stays gone all night, sometimes til the next day and swears he'll never do it again, but does over and over and over again? This person has 2 kids who are perfectly aware of their father's sinful behavior. Stay forever and hope and pray her don't follow in daddy's footsteps? Stay forever and hope and pray he changes because it's soooo lonely and hurtful to be married to such a person?

 

Had you stuck to only these two points I might be able to agree. Unfortunately you found a bunch of unrelated verses and told us that to be a good christian you should even go so far as to remain married to an abuser rather than divorce. That is legalstic. My God desires mercy, not sacrifice.

You picked 9 points that you think should be considered. Most of those did not have anything to do with divorce. This is an attempt at phariseeism to add rule upon rule to make sure you don't break the real ones.

This list contradicts Paul's words that all things are permissable, just not beneficial.

We have a freedom in Christ now. Yes, God wants all marriages to last, but in Christ I am not rotting in hell, or out of fellowship with God for having left my abusive husband.

It's amazing the grace and love God bestows upon me each and every day.

~Lorelei

 

There is a good book on this topic it's call "Different By Design" by John MacArthur
you should check it out
www.gty.org

Our Sunday School class is going through this study right now (GOOD STUFF)

 

Indeed and each of the authors of these verses had a particular issue in mind and divorce was not necessarily one of them. Context is everything.

It is not casting judgement on someone to recognize the fact they have chosen to ignore the word and continue to live in a sinful and dangerous environment. I chose to leave for my own safety and I chose to divorce to cleanse my life from the hurt that he willingly refused to repent of.

If he were a member of your church, Paul would tell you to expel him from among you, not to keep from passing judgement.

For better or for worse, means what the person taking the vow wants it to mean. The words are not scriptural. I would have honored our marriage no matter what we as a couple faced, "for better or for worse". What I would not do is allow for my husband to continue to abuse that vow by proclaiming to mean that I had to stay "for better or for worse" while he intentionaly made it worse for me with each and every punch.

His vows to "love and cherish" were long gone way before I divorced him.

Moses didn't permit me to divorce because of the hardness of my heart, I had nothing to do with the law.

I divorced because of his hardness of heart and unwillingness to stop the abusive behavior. If he had stopped, I would have stayed.

I have forgiven him, I just won't live with him any longer.

Talking about how the author had another concept in mind. This was an illustration to show us that we are now dead to the law. He used a law to show us this example, but the point is, we are free from the old way of the law now and live in the new way of the spirit.

The spirit will lead us to do the right thing, but this isn't speaking to divorce, merely giving an example from the law to show how the law is no longer valid.

What is this even doing here? Are you assuming that everyone who divorces is trying to get "revenge" on the spouse?? Well, that is usually not the case. Believe me, if I wanted revenge, I would have done something worse than divorce the man.

I have already stated how living in an abusive environment by choice is not suffering for righteousness sake.

The whole court issue is irrelevant for if you beleive that to be so, you shouldn't be in a court of law getting a marriage license either. The state is only involved because they require it to be so, not because i chose to take thim to court.

This list just isn't fruitful. It's based upon your interpretion of the scriptures and your assumption of what each and every divorce is about. I think the focus is all wrong. Instead of focusing on the divorce rate, change people's hearts and mind towards Christ, then they will do what is right before the marriage even begins.

~Lorelei

 

I was married to that type of person and after 14 years of putting up with it and praying, he got saved and he has surrendered to preach. It was a very rough road. But because of the experience, we are able to witness and testify of how God can work.

Just wanted to add:

I had every reason to divorce and go on with my life, but if I had done that, sin would have literal killed my husband. Because I endured the hard ship God gets the victory! Not only does God get the glory but we get a saved husband and daddy. That is worth the tribulation we had to endure. Also, my children got to see what kind of life sin produces and how God can work mightly in a persons life. More importantly, my children know that God is real, because they have seen God answer our prayers!

[ January 30, 2003, 08:10 AM: Message edited by: Walls ]

 

Kal-el,

I still think it is the wrong angle from which to handle the situation. If a person is considering a divorce, making them stay because they "have" to is not helping the situation. (though I continue to disagree that many of the reasons stated were even relevant)

If a christian is truly considering divorce then there is something seriously wrong. Maybe what they need is a better understanding of God's grace and forgiveness. Once a person truly understands the love that God has for them, then and only then can they be able to share that kind of love with someone else, including their spouse.

Many marital problems come from people feeling that their spouse is not fulfilling their needs. Well, no spouse can or ever will! Only Christ can fulfill those needs, and only when people realize that, will they be able to stop expecting the impossible from their spouse.

People need to walk in the Spirit in order to keep from fulfilling the lusts of the flesh. To offer a lists of dos and don'ts to a person walking in the flesh encourages them to continue to try to please God through their own worthless efforts.

I do realize that you do not condone spousal abuse, I just don't think you realize the impact such blanket statements could have on a person who is suffering from abuse. They could interpret it differently and that is where the danger lies. If you had explained exactly what kind of suffering you were referring to, it could have helped to clarify it.

But I have made my point and this is your thread so I will back out now.

~Lorelei

 

I was married to that type of person and after 14 years of putting up with it and praying, he got saved and he has surrendered to preach. It was a very rough road. But because of the experience, we are able to witness and testify of how God can work.

Just wanted to add:

I had every reason to divorce and go on with my life, but if I had done that, sin would have literal killed my husband. Because I endured the hard ship God gets the victory! Not only does God get the glory but we get a saved husband and daddy. That is worth the tribulation we had to endure. Also, my children got to see what kind of life sin produces and how God can work mightly in a persons life. More importantly, my children know that God is real, because they have seen God answer our prayers! </font>[/QUOTE]WOW! Thanks! Your testimony really has helped me......thank you! Please pray for my situation as one who's "been there done that" and came out victorious!