From Babylon Bee: Calvinist Health Insurance Company Declares All Conditions Pre-Existing

[Revmitchell]

SANFORD, FL—A newly formed health insurance company owned by a group of devoted Calvinists announced that they will not cover any health condition, since every condition of humankind was pre-existing and established by sovereign God before the foundation of time.


The company, Total Deductibility, states clearly in its bylaws that “pre-existing conditions may not be covered, which include every possible ailment and so-called ‘accident,’ all of which God foreknew and predestined to occur prior to the existence of the client’s policy, and time itself.” The firm was thrilled when the new GOP health care law, which drops the requirement to cover some pre-existing conditions, passed the House, according to a company spokesperson.

“We can now reject every single claim, based on its pre-existing status,” she told reporters. “Whether or not the client was aware of the condition has no bearing; God sovereignly pre-arranged every condition before the dawn of the universe, and therefore we must refuse all claims based on this truth.”

Calvinist Health Insurance Company Declares All Conditions Pre-Existing | The Babylon Bee

 

[Mike Stidham]

I'm hoping you know the Bee is a satire site. That said, the joke is hilarious!

 

[Calv1]

SANFORD, FL—A newly formed health insurance company owned by a group of devoted Calvinists announced that they will not cover any health condition, since every condition of humankind was pre-existing and established by sovereign God before the foundation of time.


The company, Total Deductibility, states clearly in its bylaws that “pre-existing conditions may not be covered, which include every possible ailment and so-called ‘accident,’ all of which God foreknew and predestined to occur prior to the existence of the client’s policy, and time itself.” The firm was thrilled when the new GOP health care law, which drops the requirement to cover some pre-existing conditions, passed the House, according to a company spokesperson.

“We can now reject every single claim, based on its pre-existing status,” she told reporters. “Whether or not the client was aware of the condition has no bearing; God sovereignly pre-arranged every condition before the dawn of the universe, and therefore we must refuse all claims based on this truth.”

Calvinist Health Insurance Company Declares All Conditions Pre-Existing | The Babylon Bee

Don't you wish these guys understood Reformed Theology before making such ridiculous posts? Serious, it wears me out, they haven't studied a day in their life, reject Gods own word in what He says about Himself, then they try this.

Since you're mentioning Babylon, why not learn from the PAGAN King Nebuchadnezzar, Daniel 4:33-34At the end of the days I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my reason returned to me, and I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever, for his dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, “What have you done?”,

Shows you the times we are in when a PAGAN KING knows more than "Christians" who have tons of light, they have the light, but won't accept it as it doesn't fit with what they want God to be, one in their image. Arminians are on the Roman Church side of the debate, both are synergists, both think its "God's grace plus", I do debates, and seriously Arminians are much closer to Roman Catholics than they are to Protestants.

So who appoints the Presidents? The Prime Ministers? The Emperors? Is that free will? Or did God appoint them there? The BIBLE says God put them there, Peter even says to "Obey the Emperor", that would be Caesar, but why? Peter gives the reason, "for it is God who put him in position of power over you".

I used to think the Reformed/Arminian debate wasn't that big of a deal in the past, now I'm starting to move to the view that yes, ignorance is an excuse, but if a Arminian is given all of the light, that is God's word, all of the verses in context that show God 1. Has us incited to sin. 2. Can prevent us from sinning. 3. Ordains our path, even our steps. 4. The words that leave our mouth are of the Lord. 5. If Calamity comes, the Lord did it 6. If wealth comes, the Lord did it, NO MATTER WHAT COMES TO PASS, THE LORD DID IT, yet never sins, if they are fed the Word of God and reject it, you have to wonder, for how can one be a Christian yet not believe God's word, even mock it? It's my opinion and I'm entitled to it, anyone rejecting God's word is no Christian, just my opinion, it's just so ridiculous, it's everywhere you look "The Lord opened Lydias heart so she could understand what they were saying", so He violated her free will, has no one read Luther's "Bondage of the Will"? Nope, but they'll mock God, not man, but God

 

[Calv1]

Don't you wish these guys understood Reformed Theology before making such ridiculous posts? Serious, it wears me out, they haven't studied a day in their life, reject Gods own word in what He says about Himself, then they try this.

Since you're mentioning Babylon, why not learn from the PAGAN King Nebuchadnezzar, Daniel 4:33-34At the end of the days I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my reason returned to me, and I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever, for his dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, “What have you done?”,

Shows you the times we are in when a PAGAN KING knows more than "Christians" who have tons of light, they have the light, but won't accept it as it doesn't fit with what they want God to be, one in their image. Arminians are on the Roman Church side of the debate, both are synergists, both think its "God's grace plus", I do debates, and seriously Arminians are much closer to Roman Catholics than they are to Protestants.

So who appoints the Presidents? The Prime Ministers? The Emperors? Is that free will? Or did God appoint them there? The BIBLE says God put them there, Peter even says to "Obey the Emperor", that would be Caesar, but why? Peter gives the reason, "for it is God who put him in position of power over you".

I used to think the Reformed/Arminian debate wasn't that big of a deal in the past, now I'm starting to move to the view that yes, ignorance is an excuse, but if a Arminian is given all of the light, that is God's word, all of the verses in context that show God 1. Has us incited to sin. 2. Can prevent us from sinning. 3. Ordains our path, even our steps. 4. The words that leave our mouth are of the Lord. 5. If Calamity comes, the Lord did it 6. If wealth comes, the Lord did it, NO MATTER WHAT COMES TO PASS, THE LORD DID IT, yet never sins, if they are fed the Word of God and reject it, you have to wonder, for how can one be a Christian yet not believe God's word, even mock it? It's my opinion and I'm entitled to it, anyone rejecting God's word is no Christian, just my opinion, it's just so ridiculous, it's everywhere you look "The Lord opened Lydias heart so she could understand what they were saying", so He violated her free will, has no one read Luther's "Bondage of the Will"? Nope, but they'll mock God, not man, but God

One more thing, we fought, over the years a very bloody, Reformation, first attempt to Reform the Catholic Church, then a breaking off, THE REFORMATION IS STILL ON, and Arminians are joining the Roman Church, so it's just no game, and I'm really sick of these smart alecks, don't have a clue, mocking God. Great men suffered and died for this precious truth, John Bunyan spent 12 years in prison, watching his family beg for food, and his daughter die before he'd preach that dribble, and what we forget their sacrifice? Luther almost had the same fate as Huff and Wycliffe, and no one cares.

 

[Don]

Same way Calvin murdered Arminius for not agreeing with him?

 

[rlvaughn]

Don't you wish these guys understood Reformed Theology before making such ridiculous posts? Serious...

Actually, it is not serious. The Babylon Bee is a satire web site.

 

[Revmitchell]

Actually, it is not serious. The Babylon Bee is a satire web site.

Not sure how many times he needs to be told that before he gets it. I am having fun watching until he does though.

 

[MennoSota]

Don't you wish these guys understood Reformed Theology before making such ridiculous posts? Serious, it wears me out, they haven't studied a day in their life, reject Gods own word in what He says about Himself, then they try this.

Since you're mentioning Babylon, why not learn from the PAGAN King Nebuchadnezzar, Daniel 4:33-34At the end of the days I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my reason returned to me, and I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever, for his dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, “What have you done?”,

Shows you the times we are in when a PAGAN KING knows more than "Christians" who have tons of light, they have the light, but won't accept it as it doesn't fit with what they want God to be, one in their image. Arminians are on the Roman Church side of the debate, both are synergists, both think its "God's grace plus", I do debates, and seriously Arminians are much closer to Roman Catholics than they are to Protestants.

So who appoints the Presidents? The Prime Ministers? The Emperors? Is that free will? Or did God appoint them there? The BIBLE says God put them there, Peter even says to "Obey the Emperor", that would be Caesar, but why? Peter gives the reason, "for it is God who put him in position of power over you".

I used to think the Reformed/Arminian debate wasn't that big of a deal in the past, now I'm starting to move to the view that yes, ignorance is an excuse, but if a Arminian is given all of the light, that is God's word, all of the verses in context that show God 1. Has us incited to sin. 2. Can prevent us from sinning. 3. Ordains our path, even our steps. 4. The words that leave our mouth are of the Lord. 5. If Calamity comes, the Lord did it 6. If wealth comes, the Lord did it, NO MATTER WHAT COMES TO PASS, THE LORD DID IT, yet never sins, if they are fed the Word of God and reject it, you have to wonder, for how can one be a Christian yet not believe God's word, even mock it? It's my opinion and I'm entitled to it, anyone rejecting God's word is no Christian, just my opinion, it's just so ridiculous, it's everywhere you look "The Lord opened Lydias heart so she could understand what they were saying", so He violated her free will, has no one read Luther's "Bondage of the Will"? Nope, but they'll mock God, not man, but God

Cal...it's satire...like reading The Onion. The whole article is fake news meant to be funny. Just brush it off and laugh.

 

[MennoSota]

Not sure how many times he needs to be told that before he gets it. I am having fun watching until he does though.

Rev, catch him a break. At least we can be assured that no one is losing their salvation over the Bee. [emoji219]

 

[Revmitchell]

Rev, catch him a break. At least we can be assured that no one is losing their salvation over the Bee. [emoji219]

No one ever does.

 

[MennoSota]

No one ever does.

I saw an Arminian lose it in Aisle 7 at the hardware store. [emoji41]

 

[percho]

SANFORD, FL—A newly formed health insurance company owned by a group of devoted Calvinists announced that they will not cover any health condition, since every condition of humankind was pre-existing and established by sovereign God before the foundation of time.


The company, Total Deductibility, states clearly in its bylaws that “pre-existing conditions may not be covered, which include every possible ailment and so-called ‘accident,’ all of which God foreknew and predestined to occur prior to the existence of the client’s policy, and time itself.” The firm was thrilled when the new GOP health care law, which drops the requirement to cover some pre-existing conditions, passed the House, according to a company spokesperson.

“We can now reject every single claim, based on its pre-existing status,” she told reporters. “Whether or not the client was aware of the condition has no bearing; God sovereignly pre-arranged every condition before the dawn of the universe, and therefore we must refuse all claims based on this truth.”

Calvinist Health Insurance Company Declares All Conditions Pre-Existing | The Babylon Bee

But; That same God also underwrote the policy to cover those pre-existant conditions my giving a promise, before time began.

The Hope of eternal life.

And he fulfilled the promise of Hope, in the resurrection, incorruptible, of Jesus of Nazareth.

“he, foreseeing this, spoke concerning the resurrection of the Christ, that His soul was not left in Hades, nor did His flesh see corruption. Acts 2:31

“God has fulfilled this for us their children, in that He has raised up Jesus. As it is also written in the second Psalm:
‘You are My Son,
Today I have begotten You.’[fn]
“And that He raised Him from the dead, no more to return to corruption,
He has spoken thus:
I will give you the sure mercies of David.’[fn] Acts 13:33,34