funny quotes from church

I think that you should post the story tater it is your Husband who told it.
Ki

 

LOL I did too! When I was a girl we had a 5 line clothes line must of been 20 ft long (there was 6 kids) so there was always plenty of sheets to bring in.

I also visited a sweet little lady called Bessy in the nursing home. She shared with me one day about when she was little she'd go to church. Well one day she was so upset when she got home from church and her mother asked her what was wrong. She told her "she said", Mother, it was so awful they began singing a song about me in church! (Then her mother asked, What song?) Bessy replied, Bessy be the day! (Blessed be the day) LOL

 

Abby that sunday school teacher wouldn't be Jason would it?

 

None other Kayla. And I'm not even going into my latest incident with him. Kayla, you and I should write a song about picking posts...

 

Ok will tell the story about muffins!

It is a story about a man who everywhere he looks he sees muffins. Like "Muffins in the City" and there were several others but I can't remember them. Muffins stood for sex. The moral of the story was in today's world everything is about sex. The man had to decide not to think/look at inappropriate stuff.
The funny part was all the young people got it but the older people did not. That night when I went to my grandmother's house, she called her friend from church to see if she knew what the preacher meant by muffins. Neither one of them understood and we had to explain it to them. I guess that this really does not show how funny it was but just try to imagine two old women trying to figure it out.

 

Yeah, You and I should, Sister. Between Jason and Preacher Brad, we could be damaged for life! Oh yeah and I'm axinaly waiting for the next Jason story.

 

Nahh, Jason's not so bad...he just wishes he could baptize me...you know, dunk me under three times and bring me up twice? HAHA!
Now you know the story since I just told you on AIM.
Check your e-mail for my "poem".
Here's another cute church quote from an eight year old girl. One Wenesday night she requested prayer for her grandma "cause she's old." Bless her heart, she was serious, but everyone burst into laughter!
Also, in our church we sing happy birthday to those who've had birthdays. We sing it "Happy Birthday, God bless you!" Well everytime we do it, one little boy always yells "Ahhhhhchhhoooooo!" right before the "God bless you" part. He does it every week! It's too cute.

 

If we could post the whole story it would be funny

 

My boyfriend's dad is a preacher and everytime he would Baptize someone and say "newness of life" my BF and his bro thought he said "eunice of life". They believed this until recently and they ain't young!

 

I once heard a roman catholic say he always thought the priest would say at funerals, ...Father, Son and into the hole he goes

David

 

Oh that's good! Haha.

 

My pastor tells some dry jokes, and one time he said "Why do Texans think that the wise men were firemen?" .....
....
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"Because they come from afar(afire, he said it like this)."

It was dry,

 

we were on our way to a preachfest and it was just some of our youth and the girls were putting on some hand sanitzer that smelled like cucumber-melon well one of the guys turns around and says whos got the cow shine. we are like what are you talking about and he said that it smelled like the stuff you put on a cow to make it shinny like for when you show it. we now go around and when we see each other we are always like you smell like cow shine. we got a good laugh out of that

 

Probably my funniest is from my own sermon. The first time I preached at my home church before I went to Bible College, I was speaking on the last Sunday before we left. I was talking about the fact that we are saved to serve and that the world will not find salvation on their own, we have to go tell them. I illustrated this point by saying if we didn't have to work after salvation I would just stay at home and play with my "wives and kids". When everyone started snickering I didn't stop. They had to rewind the tape and prove to me what I said. I was so embarrassed, I almost never returned to the church for a visit.

 

that is almost as funny as ou asst. pastor is a single young man, and he is going to bible college this fall, anyway he was preaching along and he was suppose to say and all God's children and he says "and all my children." This is a never married fellow that has never had a girlfriend in his life. And he said that, and we'uns in the teen row were about to die. This is when he was 16 and not asst. pastor, just preaching. We ask him after the sermon if their was something he would like to share with me about his children, and he couldn't figure out what I was talking about. So I told him, and he said "I am amazed, you were listening to my sermon?"

 

HAHA!
Ok, heres one that happened about two weeks ago.
An evangelist that my church supports was visiting and he was going to preach that morning. I've known him and his wife since I've been saved, and I love them both dearly, and I know they love me...which is why I wasn't shocked or upset by what he did.
Before he starts preaching, he begains to tell this joke. "Ya'll know Miss Abby is blonde right?" the congregation started laughing. He then reads this long list of blonde jokes saying "Miss Abby was so blonde that she..." you get the point.
Well by the time he finishes people are crying they're laughing so hard...and I was just crying! (No, I'm kidding, I really wasn't upset. I was laughing to hard to be upset!)
What's real sad is that some of the things he said were kindof close to the truth!