I was lost in sin for 10 years after coming to a mustard seed of faith out of Deism in early college, I would have called it atheism back then but that was dishonest of me to do. I became a Christian and was doing great for several months, reading the Word, growing in a southern baptist church, learning to avoid going against my conscience, being vocal about my faith at college.
However, 9 months after becoming a Christian I made the worst decision of my life and became a Charismatic. Three and a half years ago I came to a much deeper point of faith. I was losing any vestige of faith rapidly at that point as the number of years of torment due to illnesses added up with no relent in sight. I read 1 Corinthians 15 and realized I didn't look forward to the resurrection since I was an apostate doomed at the Judgment. I was going against my conscience out of habit, I was a liberal Christian in a liberal seminary studying to be a liberal pastor (despite starting as a southern baptist), I was a false prophet because I had the "gift of prophecy" and was so in my heart and to those that would listen, I was a false teacher, and I preached a false Gospel that hated anything to do with childlike faith in Jesus Christ. I argued that faith was wrong and that what we could not prove should be ignored in Christianity. I came to the conclusion I was damned, and felt tremendous conviction from that point forward until I put faith back in the Word, to include Jesus Christ.
I struggled with self-righteousness for a month, thinking I was good and deserved heaven despite growing conviction otherwise. After a month of stark raving mad terror at death and what I faced, I allowed myself to accept my doubts in Jesus Christ and His Word one night and chose to have faith again, without going purely on what I could prove.
Wow, I changed fast as I abandoned sin after sin and realized that I had to go back to a conservative faith. I studied the bible carefully, putting it into practice. However, Charismatic influence would be my final hill to die on it seems. I am still tempted to go back to Charismaticism, and I am still finding things to abandon that I was so used to.
God has disciplined me much in the last 3.5 years, but thank Him I am one of His children, His correction of me proves it according to Hebrews 12!
