How do I deal with my past church?

[utilyan]

So, as per the suggestion of some here, I unfriended them completely....lo and behold a week later they message me saying I need to unblock them and re-add them so the church doesn't ask them what happened. now what do I do?

"now what do I do?"

How about quit taking the worst advice?


Drivenfuture, have you ever met Steven Yeadon? I would pay to watch a reality tv show about you two together.

Lord knows God loves a good underdog, I think you two would be a perfect team.

 

[drivenfuture]

"now what do I do?"

How about quit taking the worst advice?


Drivenfuture, have you ever met Steven Yeadon? I would pay to watch a reality tv show about you two together.

Lord knows God loves a good underdog, I think you two would be a perfect team.

well...it wasn't the advice I had been keen on---I had tried a few times to reconcile...I went by the mentality of "warn a divisive person once, then twice, then have nothing to do with them," but they would like posts and comment without ever actually trying to work things out, so I became confused---it was very heartbreaking and confusing and many things, so I sought outside advice---and then general consensus was block them so I could move on...so I did--and then they message me.
anyways, I will look the guy up..but really the Bible should be our ultimate authority...not any man.

 

[Rob_BW]

So, as per the suggestion of some here, I unfriended them completely....lo and behold a week later they message me saying I need to unblock them and re-add them so the church doesn't ask them what happened. now what do I do?

Then tell them thank you, but you're moving on, and stop responding to their messages. They'll get the hint.

 

[drivenfuture]

"now what do I do?"

How about quit taking the worst advice?


Drivenfuture, have you ever met Steven Yeadon? I would pay to watch a reality tv show about you two together.

Lord knows God loves a good underdog, I think you two would be a perfect team.

did a google and youtube search...i can't find any information about him.

 

[utilyan]

well...it wasn't the advice I had been keen on---I had tried a few times to reconcile...I went by the mentality of "warn a divisive person once, then twice, then have nothing to do with them," but they would like posts and comment without ever actually trying to work things out, so I became confused---it was very heartbreaking and confusing and many things, so I sought outside advice---and then general consensus was block them so I could move on...so I did--and then they message me.
anyways, I will look the guy up..but really the Bible should be our ultimate authority...not any man.

I recommend starting with 1 Corinthians 13 as your prime directive. Disagreement isn't grounds for disassociation.

Your not very clear. Did you run over their dog? This could be a case of making mountains out of molehills.

If you haven't done anything wrong don't apologize.

But follow your good conscience. You don't need to give any cold shoulders or maybe I don't know enough whats going one to warrant cold shoulders.

Don't look for permissions to be mean......thats mean.

 

[utilyan]

did a google and youtube search...i can't find any information about him.

no its not anyone famous...... forget I mentioned him. Its just a poster like you. I can't tell if your innocent, naive or both. Buddy I think you should tell us how you feel and what is the outcome you'd like to see happen.

 

[Scarlett O.]

So, as per the suggestion of some here, I unfriended them completely....lo and behold a week later they message me saying I need to unblock them and re-add them so the church doesn't ask them what happened. now what do I do?

How on earth would "the church" know that you had unfriended someone on Facebook? This makes no sense at all. Is the entire church on Facebook? Do they have access to the pastor and his family's passwords to view their private details and see that you have unfriended them?

This makes no sense. Please explain.

Here's what I know from all your posts put together on two websites.

• You were asked to be the youth pastor's assistant having no experience and really no desire.
• As soon as you did, the youth pastor stepped down.
• You started texting one of youth [older youth], the pastor's daughter.
• He asked you to stop, as she was a minor [17].
• You stopped.
• You left the church and found a new church.
• The pastor's wife "liked" your Facebook post where you announced how much you like your new church.
• You have obsessed over that to the point of .....well, obsession.
• Now you say the "the family" wants you back as a Facebook friend because they don't want the church to know anything is wrong.

There must either be more to this story or else …… well, or else …. I don't know.

Ignore the request for renewed friendship on Facebook. It's FACEBOOK - one of the most fake and phony sites on the internet. Every one there gets to be someone they aren't.

Make real life friends and just move on.

And brother, by moving on, I mean never discuss this on the internet ever again.

 

[drivenfuture]

How on earth would "the church" know that you had unfriended someone on Facebook? This makes no sense at all. Is the entire church on Facebook? Do they have access to the pastor and his family's passwords to view their private details and see that you have unfriended them?

This makes no sense. Please explain.

Here's what I know from all your posts put together on two websites.

• You were asked to be the youth pastor's assistant having no experience and really no desire.
• As soon as you did, the youth pastor stepped down.
• You started texting one of youth [older youth], the pastor's daughter.
• He asked you to stop, as she was a minor [17].
• You stopped.
• You left the church and found a new church.
• The pastor's wife "liked" your Facebook post where you announced how much you like your new church.
• You have obsessed over that to the point of .....well, obsession.
• Now you say the "the family" wants you back as a Facebook friend because they don't want the church to know anything is wrong.

There must either be more to this story or else …… well, or else …. I don't know.

Ignore the request for renewed friendship on Facebook. It's FACEBOOK - one of the most fake and phony sites on the internet. Every one there gets to be someone they aren't.

Make real life friends and just move on.

And brother, by moving on, I mean never discuss this on the internet ever again.

your analysis is a little misinformed. parts 1 and 2 are correct essentially. part 3 is the youth texted me initially, not me texting them...however I would respond in kind, but at some point, became attached
nobody "asked me to stop." it went from talking and generally being friendly to each other to of the blue block and ignore...no request, no warning, no discussion, just block from the pastor's daughter. I never felt like I got a real answer from anyone other than "if someone doesn't want relationship, let them go, and if they come back, embrace them." as well as the "barely tolerable" comment, which triggered mental health issues.
Then yes I left. The pastor had told many people ask about me, and he said he tells them he may not be coming back, and said the circle who knows the situation is small. so in other words he isn't telling anybody what happened.
now that I've unfriended the rest of the family, they have messaged me saying I must not hinder their image to the church.

 

[robycop3]

There's a 1959 Jack Scott song, Burning Bridges, that describes the best way to handle the situation: MOVE ON!

It's not always easy, just as ending a romance isn't, but it's still the best way.

 

[alexander284]

For the sake of your own mental health, let it go! Move on with your life!

 

[drivenfuture]

For the sake of your own mental health, let it go! Move on with your life!

ok..this is exactly what I tried to do by unfriending them...then they texted me saying I need to re-add them on facebook, but not actually be friends with them..because they said I have to respect their authority over the church.So in essence they want to look good to the masses but not actually talk to me

 

[drivenfuture]

There's a 1959 Jack Scott song, Burning Bridges, that describes the best way to handle the situation: MOVE ON!

It's not always easy, just as ending a romance isn't, but it's still the best way.

fyi, this wasn't a romance...it was simply a friendship with the pastor's family., as for moving on, see last post---that was exactly my attempt by unfriending them.

 

[alexander284]

ok..this is exactly what I tried to do by unfriending them...then they texted me saying I need to re-add them on facebook, but not actually be friends with them..because they said I have to respect their authority over the church.So in essence they want to look good to the masses but not actually talk to me

I guess what I'm trying to say is: do not concern yourself with what they do or do not do, what they say or do not say, or why they do what they do or say what they say!

Just block them, in every sense of the word. Block them from Facebook, block them from your phone, block them from your thoughts, from your mind.

 

[tyndale1946]

I guess what I'm trying to say is: do not concern yourself with what they do or do not do, what they say or do not say, or why they do what they do or say what they say!

Just block them, in every sense of the word. Block them from Facebook, block them from your phone, block them from your thoughts, from your mind.

Let me put this as bluntly as I can... SO YOU'RE THEIR SLAVE!... You must be as you let them control your life... It's your life, you are not indebted to them... Do you serve two masters?... Get rid of this baggage and move on for your physical and spiritual healing... BREAK THESE CHAINS!!!... Christ freed you but you're still in bondage... Brother Glen

 

[alexander284]

fyi, this wasn't a romance...it was simply a friendship with the pastor's family., as for moving on, see last post---that was exactly my attempt by unfriending them.

I just wanted to say, I hope things are getting better for you.

 

[robycop3]

fyi, this wasn't a romance...it was simply a friendship with the pastor's family., as for moving on, see last post---that was exactly my attempt by unfriending them.

You should be sure to cut all ties with them & move on. If at some point they "come around" & wanna make up with you, I'd pray first. (Remembering the Bill Haley & the Comets' song See Ya Later, Alligator.)

 

[Stephen Downey]

Son, your social media will have a place you can block individuals. After you block them you will not see anything with their name on it. And they will not see anything you post. That covers the mechanics.

Meanwhile when you feel led to do so, pray for them. Otherwise, forget them. Dive into your Scripture and find out why some of their teaching is in error. Solidify your new church. Read their statement of faith. Study the Scripture backing it up. Move forward and never look back.

 

[drivenfuture]

I recommend starting with 1 Corinthians 13 as your prime directive. Disagreement isn't grounds for disassociation.

Your not very clear. Did you run over their dog? This could be a case of making mountains out of molehills.

If you haven't done anything wrong don't apologize.

But follow your good conscience. You don't need to give any cold shoulders or maybe I don't know enough whats going one to warrant cold shoulders.

Don't look for permissions to be mean......thats mean.

What happened is one of the pastor's daughters messaged me...I would respond in politeness...all we ever discussed was tv shows and books. At some point, I'm guessing, she became annoyed with me for one reason or another...and her brother came to be and called me barely tolerable, which triggered some mental health problems (schizophrenic bipolar--hallucinations)--1st time ever--following this I had been partially blocked on social media by the family...however they would occasionally like or comment...but they made it clear they were not willing to reconcile--even so far as to say I would only be allowed at main service worship..so as to keep distance and help me move forward. I apologized for what I thought I did wrong...no apology from them for anything.

 

[Rob_BW]

What happened is one of the pastor's daughters messaged me...I would respond in politeness...all we ever discussed was tv shows and books. At some point, I'm guessing, she became annoyed with me for one reason or another...and her brother came to be and called me barely tolerable, which triggered some mental health problems (schizophrenic bipolar--hallucinations)--1st time ever--following this I had been partially blocked on social media by the family...however they would occasionally like or comment...but they made it clear they were not willing to reconcile--even so far as to say I would only be allowed at main service worship..so as to keep distance and help me move forward. I apologized for what I thought I did wrong...no apology from them for anything.

At this point, why are you still trying to rationalize anything. Block and move on.

 

[alexander284]

At this point, why are you still trying to rationalize anything. Block and move on.

Yes, it does seem rather odd, doesn't it?