Featured How Much Authority Should Women Have?

Yeshua1 · Nov 26, 2013

agedman said: ↑

I have wrestled with the "Stanley" issue for some time.

Generally, I come down that he needed to step down.

The Scriptures are clearly on that side.

That the assembly made such a decision is to me a problem. Stanley should never have given them the opportunity - too much emotionalism and opinion driven decision making to afford the best decission.

Disconnect,

You and I both know that marriage problems (especially those such as Stanley) did not occur over night.

Here is what I would probably have encouraged the assembly to do (they could financially afford to follow my advice).

1) Place Stanley in a paid administrative position.
2) Pay for a home far away from the assembly in which the two could retreat and repair. They would be required to regularly attend a local assembly.
3) Require a certain level of commitment that both would pursue Scriptural grounds to be reconciled. I would also have, periodically, some written documentation from them as to the issues and progress of resolution.
4) At no time would I allow ANYONE from the assembly to contact them. I want no "tale bearing" and no "personal interest" interference from "well intentioned" folks.
5) If and only if after a complete reconciliation, both to each other and to God, I would then bring them back to the assembly. They would present themselves for examination, and then, provided the assembly was satisfied with the answers, he and his wife would be charged to find another place in which to lead and serve - again, far away from the original local assembly.

I wouldn't expect the length of time to be less than a year or two.

Now I know you have had your own thinking on the matter, and am interested in what ways you might have handled the situation.

At any rate, who am I to judge another assembly in this matter, I just grieve that the man has met with such trouble.
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Only the Lord knows what really happened, but IF His wife was not willing to work it out, and wasdetermined to leave and divorce, that is scriptutrally divorce, and he would be freed from having to step down on a permanent nature, should have been on a leave though for couseling purposes...

IF she did not agree to conseling, nor to reconcialation, then wasn't he freed from divorce stigma as a Pastor?

he never remarroed correct, so he sees himself in sight of the lord still married to her?

Judith · Nov 29, 2013

PastorMark said: ↑

I started a thread several years ago about a man who came to me with a story of how his wife divorced him to force him out of the ministry. It was a fairly controversial thread, but it seemed that the majority of Board members here felt that he was Biblically banned from Pastoring. I haven't been very active on this board in the interim, but I have been watching and reading.

This man's story really peaked my interest in the topic of women having ultimate control over whether a man can be a Pastor or not (or with some churches, whether he can even be a member in good standing). I have spent a great deal of time talking to hundreds of people and I have found that women in IFB churches often use the divorce card to control their husbands, both in and out of the Pastorate. It seems to be fairly common to find men who were committed to the ministry who are now out because their wives left them, and often they are shunned by the very churches they were serving. One of the more famous people who was divorced by his wife because he was in the ministry was Charles Weigle, author of "No one ever cared for me like Jesus."

Is it the opinion of those on this board that it is acceptable for a women to have that level of control over a man? If so how do you reconcile that stance with 1 Timothy 2:12?

What would you do if you awoke to a note from your wife saying she was divorcing you, maybe for no other reason that she got tired of being in church (you had been a loving, caring, attentive husband)?

What would you do if your wife demanded that you get out of the Pastorate or she would divorce you?

What would you do if your wife demanded that you get completely out of church or she would divorce you?

What would you do if your wife demanded you deny Christ or she would divorce you?

(I've heard stories of all these demands occurring)

Please don't use the "my wife would never do that" excuse. I'd say that 90% plus of the men I've spoken to thought the same things prior to their wives leaving. It's surprising how many of these wives professed salvation prior to leaving, but later turned to drugs, alcohol, etc.

How would you feel if your church "family" shunned you because of the divorce, even though you did nothing wrong?
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First under any of those circumstances the man does not have a biblical marriage. I am not saying he is not married but he is not living what the bible calls for in a bibilcal mariage. She is not submitting. Eph. is one place to read.

I would say that if a man has a wife who does not meet the biblical mandate for a pastors wife I would not call him in the first place nor should he seek to be a pastor. If he cannot lead his own household he cannot lead the church of God. So after some time and he is already a pastor she shows herself not to be in accord with God's calling for a wife he should step down as he no longer meets the conditions of a husband and Pastor since she is not submitting.
I have seen this and known men that loved the rule of God more then the position of pastor so they step down as they should.

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