How to get the fellowship I need?

[Aaron]

I am married but I just do not have much in common with the men at the church, and besides the church is not all that active in their activities for men. Perhaps an activity once or twice a year and besides that a prayer breakfast once in a blue moon. I do attend these breakfasts.

When I was single and had this problem the solution was to go to another church with more activities and its what I did. Although I disagreed with their armianism I loved the fellowship which is something I did not get at the Calvinist church as they were small and had little actives for singles, although I agreed with their theology very much. The solution a friend of mine set was to go to more than one church. One church for the teaching and another for the activities.

My wife seems to be against me fellowshipping with other churches, but this may be something she does not see nor understand as she is not in my shoes, but I know I will have more in common with the other churches and I am aware of some that just have far more activities for men. Perhaps I need to take a stand and step out. The separatism theology does not hold water, and there are plenty of Godly men at other non IFB churches. She enjoyed our meeting with the Gideons men last week and guess what? All of them were from non IFB churches. I think God is softening her. Ideas? Thanks..

Unless your wife is an acrimonious couch potato, hard to imagine that she doesn't meet your fellowship needs. God made Eve for Adam, but if male companionship is something you crave, forget attending multiple churches. Ask the Lord to send someone your way.

Want activities? Have kids. :thumbs:

 

[Aaron]

Oh! And pray his wife is less attractive than yours. If you're looking outside your marriage for fulfillment, you will very easily fall in love with a woman who seems to fill what is lacking in your life. (Behind good men are good women.)

If she's unattractive, it may be easier not to dwell on her superiority.

Not saying that said woman would necessarily fall in love with you, just talking about what could be in your heart.

 

[John of Japan]

Sorry about my comments, I was just stating the facts, but probably should not have done so publicly about my wife.

I'm glad you realize this. Your relationship with your wife is strictly between you, her and God. Never, ever be negative about her in public.

 

[Don]

Yeah, well, I'm gonna be a little harsher about it:
Evan has contradicted how scripture says we are to treat our wives.

There's no "probably should not have...publicly" about it; you should not have, period.

Consider: how would it make you feel, as a husband and ad a man, if you found out she was speaking similarly about you to others?

How does it make you feel if we said the church is speaking poorly/negatively about Christ? How does it make you feel if Christ was talking poorly/negatively about His church?

Right now, you don't deserve your wife. You need to apologize to her. You don't need to tell her why, you just need to tell her that you love her like Christ loves the church.

Then consider your selfishness about "needing other areas of growth," and focus your attention on fulfilling others' needs for a while.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

Yeah, well, I'm gonna be a little harsher about it:
Evan has contradicted how scripture says we are to treat our wives.

There's no "probably should not have...publicly" about it; you should not have, period.

Consider: how would it make you feel, as a husband and ad a man, if you found out she was speaking similarly about you to others?

How does it make you feel if we said the church is speaking poorly/negatively about Christ? How does it make you feel if Christ was talking poorly/negatively about His church?

Right now, you don't deserve your wife. You need to apologize to her. You don't need to tell her why, you just need to tell her that you love her like Christ loves the church.

Then consider your selfishness about "needing other areas of growth," and focus your attention on fulfilling others' needs for a while.

Too much Don. You are not his father or his spiritual leader....nor do you know a thing about his marital relationship. Besides you don't criticize in public.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

Evan....what or where is the nearest Reformed Baptist church from you? Also really consider a town softball league and maybe, just maybe there is a church that does Friday afternoon basketball games that you could join in on. Even golf...some time away from the wife is not a bad thing.....but also do things together. That Gideons thing is a step in the right direction.

 

[Don]

Too much Don. You are not his father or his spiritual leader....nor do you know a thing about his marital relationship. Besides you don't criticize in public.

No, not his father or his spiritual leader; but he came on a public board and solicited public opinion.

Too much? Nah. Look at the general gist of *ALL* of his posts. It's *always* about him and what he should do or not do. When have you seen something about his church that wasn't talking about what *he* doesn't like? When have you seen something about his pastor that wasn't talking about what *he* doesn't like?

When have you seen something about his wife that wasn't talking about what *he* doesn't like?

And no matter how many time you, John of Japan, and others have responded to him about such things ... his conversations inevitably come back to *his* wants and needs, and not the wants and needs of others.

The best advice for me is to put him on ignore...and there, done.

 

[abcgrad94]

No, not his father or his spiritual leader; but he came on a public board and solicited public opinion.
Too much? Nah. Look at the general gist of *ALL* of his posts. It's *always* about him and what he should do or not do.
And no matter how many time you, John of Japan, and others have responded to him about such things ... his conversations inevitably come back to *his* wants and needs, and not the wants and needs of others.

I agree completely with you, Don. I've not seen you respond in an overly harsh manner here. Sometimes we all need a blunt kick in the pants, and this one has been coming for a long time.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

No, not his father or his spiritual leader; but he came on a public board and solicited public opinion.

Too much? Nah. Look at the general gist of *ALL* of his posts. It's *always* about him and what he should do or not do. When have you seen something about his church that wasn't talking about what *he* doesn't like? When have you seen something about his pastor that wasn't talking about what *he* doesn't like?

When have you seen something about his wife that wasn't talking about what *he* doesn't like?

And no matter how many time you, John of Japan, and others have responded to him about such things ... his conversations inevitably come back to *his* wants and needs, and not the wants and needs of others.

The best advice for me is to put him on ignore...and there, done.

That works....LOL. I just think he is a kid & he is over his head. A 4 year in the USMC would make a man out of him......or, :laugh: