I met George Carlin yesterday

Here's some very funny, obscenity-free humor that shows that Carlin is indeed a very funny man.

Clean Carlin Humour

Joshua

 

Hi everyone!
I just wanted to remind everyone that George Carlin is not claiming to be a believer.
Why should anyone expect him to act as if he is?

Comedians are people who see the humor in everyday situations. We all laugh, because usually we can see the truth in these parodies of real life situations.
Cursing is a part of the act. The audience expects that of him.

As Born-Again Christians, should we be shocked that sinners are sinning?
Should we dislike them?
Do we Judge them?
Jesus spent His time with these very people. Jesus related to the people where they were at. The religious people were very concerned when He entered into Matthew the Tax-Collector's home.
Jesus went to the sinner and shared the salvation message with them.
Should we do the same?

I am not suggesting to be involved in (course jesting) I am suggesting that our attitude towards ungodly people be that of grace and mercy, not Judgemental attitudes.

I leave you with these verses from Ephesians:

5:1 Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; 5:2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. 5:3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; 5:4 Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
Naomi

 

Here are some of my favorite Carlin Theology and his Typical Baptist views on some subjects, (believe it or not).

(Here is his Conservative view on abortion.) In some places, a 17-yr old girl needs a note for being absent from school, but she does not need one to get an abortion.

(His interpretation of eye for an eye, very deep) An eye for an eye is not a call for revenge; it is an argument for fairness. In the time of the Bible, it was standard to take a life in exchange for an eye. But the Bible said, No, the punishment should fit the crime. Only an eye for an eye, nothing more. It is not vindictive, it is mitigatory.

(On political correctness) The word Cripple is fine to use. It’s in the Bible: “Jesus healed the cripples.” He didn’t engage in rehabilitative strategies for the physically disadvantaged. You would have to be, uh, visually impaired not to see this.

The New Testament is not new anymore; it’s thousands of years old. It’s time to start calling it The Less Old Testament.
When are they gonna come up with some new Christmas carols?

I’m not worried about guns in school. You know what I’m waitin’ for? Guns in church! That’s gonna be a lotta fun.

The only good thing to come out of religion was the music.

I have as much authority as the Pope; I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

I feel sorry for homeless gay people; they have no closet to come out of. In fact, I imagine if you were gay and homeless, you’d probably be glad just to have a closet.

Rules to live By:
Size people up quickly, and develop rigid attitudes based on your first impression. If you try to delve deeper and get to “know” people, you’re asking for trouble.

Surround yourself with inferiors and losers. Not only will you look good by comparison, but they will look up to you. And that will make you feel better.

Don’t buy into the sentimental notion that everyone has shortcomings; it’s the surest way of undermining yourself. Remember that the really best people have no defects. If you’re not perfect, something is wrong.

Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn’t work. Cling to it even when it is hopeless. Anyone can cut and run, but it takes a very special person to stay with something that is stupid and harmful.

Always remember that today doesn’t count.
Try to dwell on the past.
Don’t look ahead
Don’t be seduced by that mindless chatter going around about “responsibility.” That’s exactly the sort of thing that can ruin your life.

[ September 08, 2002, 12:51 AM: Message edited by: post-it ]

 

Yeah, Carlin is a good guy. He's just playing with foul mouth, because it intrigues him that people get all flustered by some words.

He's funny. His early stuff, like his "News Report" kills me.

"A man in Milwaukee has barracaded himself inside his house. However, he is not armed, and no one is paying any attention to him."

"Scientists have announced that saliva causes cancer - but only if swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time."

 

Carlin on Popular Beliefs:

Everythng comes in Threes: Not true. In reality, everything comes in ones. Sometimes, when three "ones" come in a row, it seems like everything comes in threes. By the way, in medieval times it was widely believed that everything came in twenty-sixes. They were wrong,too. It just took them longer to recognize a pattern.

What you don't know won't hurt you.
Why don't we just ask Abe Lincoln and John Kennedyabout this one.

 

Smoke, should of figured that you would brag about your un-christian, un-Godly "brush with greatness".

And let's see who else rejoices with you!

Stub: "Yeh, but he's spot on funny."

Gal: "Yeah, Carlin was stationed at the same base I was"

SheEagle: "Galatian, that was funny!" (She, I am surprized by this)

Josh: "So, are you going to see him again? I'm very envious."

Sue: "But I do like Carlin myself and my son did stay for the entire show."

Naomi: ?, I would take this post as against the rejoicing.

and of course

Posty: "Here are some of my favorite Carlin Theology and his Typical Baptist views on some subjects,"

[ September 08, 2002, 05:21 PM: Message edited by: Justified ]

 

Mike, glad I could do my part. My favorite is

ROFL

Joshua

 

ROFL

Joshua[/QB]</font>[/QUOTE]Josh,

As much as I don't agree with much of your theology, and liberal pastorial views, I did not think that you would stoop so low as to post such blasphemous typage, and then show your support of it!

 

Blasphemy? That's a serious charge. Where's the blasphemy?

Joshua

 

Have you sunk that far down into liberal theology, that you really can't see it?

 

Justified, I don't see it.

Jesus Cripes
The Holy Moly
Heck

Are not theological terms, nor are they blasphemous.

Joshua

 

You left one out!

It's called: "Minced oaths"

Look them up in the dictionary, along with the other ones that are out there. Then you will see what I'm talking about.

If you really did not know about minced oaths, then my humblest apologies go to you Joshua.

[ September 08, 2002, 06:24 PM: Message edited by: Justified ]

 

Justified, I'm very familiar with the concept, but if you think Carlin is trying to swear oathes with that piece then you're missing the entire point.

Joshua
(I for instance don't say "Jeez" or "egads" or any such, but making fun of the word "Jeez" is not in any way blasphemous.)

 

Carlin:

If Justified becomes senile, how can you tell?

Santa is satan spelled inside out.

What year did Jesus think it was?

Life is a near-death event.

So far the Ku Klux Klan has not produced any really great composers.

Prefix has no suffix, but suffix has a prefix.

(editor may have changed a word somewhere)

 

I'm beginning to think someone around here needs to be barricaded.

 

I ran into Morgan Freeman in a bank down here in Charleston, Mississippi. I watched him as he walked outside, crawled into an old '78 Chevy pickup truck--cranked it up and drove off--muffler was draggin' the asphalt--blue smoke was belchin' out. Smile on his face! Good actor! But I'm not out to memorize all of his movie lines from Driving Mrs. Daisy and Shawshank Redemption!!

No matter how smart and funny you guys think Carlin is--in my book he will always have a negative IQ !!