Intelligent insulting

[John of Japan]

The quality of insults on the BB has really declined. On a recent thread, I was called "enfeebled." I thought, "Really, is that the best you can do?" People think a clever insult is when you call someone a name or a one word description, like, "You're stupid." Not true at all. A truly good insult takes vocabulary and imagination. To illustrate this point, here is the famous scene from the French play, "Cyrano de Bergerac." Feel free to add your own sophisticated insults.

In this scene in Act 1, an enemy tries to pick a fight with Cyrano, so he insults his nose: “Monsieur, your nose...your nose is rather large.” Cyrano mocks him with much more effective insults which he could have used (with no taboo words):

“Oh, no, young sir. You are too simple. Why, you might have said a great many things. Why waste your opportunity? For example, thus:

Aggressive: I, sir, if that nose were mine, I’d have it amputated on the spot.

Practical: How do you drink with such a nose? You must have had a cup made especially.

Descriptive: ‘Tis a rock, a crag, a cape! A cape? Say rather, a peninsula!

Inquisitive: What is that receptacle? A razor case or a portfolio?

Kindly: Ah, do you love the little birds so much that when they come to see you, you give them this to perch on.

Cautious: Take care! A weight like that might make you top-heavy.

Eloquent: When it blows, the typhoon howls, and the clouds darken!

Dramatic: When it bleeds, the Red Sea.

Simple: When do they unveil the monument?

Military: Beware, a secret weapon.

Enterprising: What a sign for some perfumer!

Respectful: Sir, I recognize in you a man of parts. A man of... prominence! Or,

Literary: Was this the nose that launched a thousand ships?”

They then have a sword fight as Cyrano composes a poem, with “Thrust home” as the last line—which Cyrano then does.

 

[InTheLight]

Feel free to add your own sophisticated insults.

I'll give it a shot...

I don't like the English Standard Version, but I don't denigrate those who do. And for the people who like the ESV, denigrate means 'put down'.

If ignorance is bliss, why are you so unhappy?

You are so tragic and despicable that breast cancer walks to end you.

If your brain were shoved into the butt opening of a flea, it would rattle around like a ping pong ball in a freight train box car.

If all you could wear was your wisdom, you would be scantily clad.

[disclaimer: "you" in these instances is a generic person, not anyone specific.]

 

[RighteousnessTemperance&]

The quality of insults on the BB has really declined. On a recent thread, I was called "enfeebled." I thought, "Really, is that the best you can do?" People think a clever insult is when you call someone a name or a one word description, like, "You're stupid." Not true at all. A truly good insult takes vocabulary and imagination. To illustrate this point, here is the famous scene from the French play, "Cyrano de Bergerac." Feel free to add your own sophisticated insults.

Come now, let's sharpen our wits and our pens, yes, but for critiquing arguments, or lack thereof. Slaying the weak and enfeebled with words should be beneath us. Or should I say, "Leave the poor man alone"?

 

[Covenanter]

O dear church mouse, you're always here;
but when you listen, do you hear?
and when you comment, have you thought
that comments without thought are fraught?

 

[John of Japan]

When I was young and foolish, I had a book of insults. I still remember a couple of them.

If your brain was put on the edge of a razor blade, it would look like a BB going down a four lane!

If your brain were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose!

 

[Deacon]

A truly good insult takes vocabulary and imagination. To illustrate this point, here is the famous scene from the French play, "Cyrano de Bergerac." Feel free to add your own sophisticated insults.

In this scene in Act 1, an enemy tries to pick a fight with Cyrano, so he insults his nose: “Monsieur, your nose...your nose is rather large.” Cyrano mocks him with much more effective insults which he could have used (with no taboo words):

“Oh, no, young sir. You are too simple. Why, you might have said a great many things. Why waste your opportunity? For example, thus:.

Here’s a modern version in the movie Roxanne.

 

[just-want-peace]

One of the best I've heard supposedly came from Churchill.
At some formal party Sir Winston & a Lady were talking, & obviously upset with Winston she commented:
"Sir Winston, if you were my husband I should give you a cup of poison!"
To which he replied, "And Madam, if I were your husband I would drink it!"

 

[Covenanter]

There's folk on here who think there's nothing finer
than a quick response with a brief one-liner.

 

[Covenanter]

I insist there's nothing wrong
with getting language help from Strong.

 

[Squire Robertsson]

I remember reading two supposedly from the British House of Commons:

• When rebuked by the Speaker for saying a member opposite had the brains od a cod. The right honourable member said, "I apologize to the member.Mr. Speaker. You are correct the right honourable member does not have the brains of a cod.'
• During a debate a member said, "I see a shiver roaming about the benches opposite, looking for a spine to run up and down."

 

[Covenanter]

I remember reading two supposedly from the British House of Commons:

Disraeli, asserted that "half the cabinet are knaves."
He was ordered by the Speaker to withdraw the remark.
He did, saying "half the cabinet are not knaves."

 

[Covenanter]

On his very widely viewed TV show in the USA Groucho Marx once quipped that the ceilings of the rooms at a certain hotel were so low, the rats were stoop-shouldered. The hotel’s management were not amused and demanded a public retraction. On his next show Groucho said: “All right, I apologize.The rats in that hotel are NOT stoop-shouldered.”

 

[Covenanter]

THese all from another thread, the first in reply to one of my Biblical posts.

I don't think they qualify as "intelligent insults" but I will reply -

O course the only sound interpretation is yours. Hehehehe
MB

Thank you. Your recognition of the soundness of my exegesis is appreciated.

Oh I'm sorry I for got you know it all Hehehehehehe

Your apology is appreciated but you should try to make it more fulsome.[1]

Can YOU prove me wrong?
Go for it !

As you don't recognise truth when you see it, I won't attempt the impossible.

You haven't shown that the Bible is wrong. Your the one making claims. Prove you are right.
MB

Proving the Bible wrong is not my aim. My target is you.

[1] Fulsome in the sense of "fulsome apology" is almost always used in the wrong sense - is if "fulsome" meant more abject, more sincere. It means an exaggerated false apology.
e.g.
I'm very sorry you were upset when I showed you your errors.
I'm very sorry I came smartly dressed & made you look scruffy.

 

[John of Japan]

Here's a great set of insults: 45 Of The Funniest Insults In Human History

I like this one:

 

[Covenanter]

Here's a great set of insults: 45 Of The Funniest Insults In Human History

What a lovely set - I wonder how many I can remember & use

That John Adams quote is too true to be funny. The lawyers always win & take the money, even when they lose the case.

 

[robycop3]

Navy pilot, to submarine officer: "Those underwater boats are moving coffins!"

Subby officer's reply: "Pardon me, Flyboy, but there are far more aircraft lost in the sea than there are subbies lost in the sky."

 

[Covenanter]

MB wrote -
It seems to me you have a wild imagination. Scripture is not of anyone's private interpretation. Maybe you should take scripture literally rather than allegorically.

 

[Covenanter]

I noticed you start talking in obscure codes when you lose arguments.

 

[RighteousnessTemperance&]

Alas, your post yet again places me in the throes of the proverbial dilemma: to reply, or not to reply, that is the question.

 

[kyredneck]