As one reared in holiness-Arminianism but now a
member in a Calvinist congregation, I still have
many conflicts with regard to various Calvinist
teachings. Perhaps I will understand them by
comparing them, one by one.
Simply put, I do not understand the concept of
irresistable grace, but I spent my first years spe-
cifically and forcefully resisting the call of our
God.
Without going into great detail, I first felt drawn
toward Him in a Calvinist service my parents took
me to when I was 4, but I kicked against the cross-
bar of the chair and silently shouted, "No! No!
No!" in my head, in defiance against a God I then
hated. I resisted, going on from there to live as
sinfully and hatefully toward our God as a child
possibly can, doing anything and everything that
entered my imagination.
I basically felt no compulsion toward Him after
that, until I was 14, at which time I was in an Ar-
minian serrvice, and when we stood at our seats
for prayer at the end of the service, I began to
shake so hard, it was like I was receiving an elec-
trical shock. It was horrid. I had never experi-
enced anything like that before or since, but
there was a definite compulsion to fall on my
knees and repent, which I angrily refused to do.
The shaking was so violent that a minister, who
was a good 100 feet away, saw me and came off
the podium to ask me if I wanted to pray, at whom
I screamed, "NO!!" again resisting. As soon as I
screamed at him, the shaking stopped.
At that time, however, I desired to quit being an
evil little brat, so I changed myself--turned over
a new leaf--and started trying to be decent. It
worked most of the time.
But I hated our God until I was 22 years of age, at
which time I realized that He loved me and intend-
ed nothing but good for me. Now, that was irre-
stible. I prayed then, for the first time.
I know that these are simplistic, individual experi-
ences and may not fall under the true definition
of irresistible grace, but how do they correlate
with it?
member in a Calvinist congregation, I still have
many conflicts with regard to various Calvinist
teachings. Perhaps I will understand them by
comparing them, one by one.
Simply put, I do not understand the concept of
irresistable grace, but I spent my first years spe-
cifically and forcefully resisting the call of our
God.
Without going into great detail, I first felt drawn
toward Him in a Calvinist service my parents took
me to when I was 4, but I kicked against the cross-
bar of the chair and silently shouted, "No! No!
No!" in my head, in defiance against a God I then
hated. I resisted, going on from there to live as
sinfully and hatefully toward our God as a child
possibly can, doing anything and everything that
entered my imagination.
I basically felt no compulsion toward Him after
that, until I was 14, at which time I was in an Ar-
minian serrvice, and when we stood at our seats
for prayer at the end of the service, I began to
shake so hard, it was like I was receiving an elec-
trical shock. It was horrid. I had never experi-
enced anything like that before or since, but
there was a definite compulsion to fall on my
knees and repent, which I angrily refused to do.
The shaking was so violent that a minister, who
was a good 100 feet away, saw me and came off
the podium to ask me if I wanted to pray, at whom
I screamed, "NO!!" again resisting. As soon as I
screamed at him, the shaking stopped.
At that time, however, I desired to quit being an
evil little brat, so I changed myself--turned over
a new leaf--and started trying to be decent. It
worked most of the time.
But I hated our God until I was 22 years of age, at
which time I realized that He loved me and intend-
ed nothing but good for me. Now, that was irre-
stible. I prayed then, for the first time.
I know that these are simplistic, individual experi-
ences and may not fall under the true definition
of irresistible grace, but how do they correlate
with it?