Is this offensive?

[PamelaK]

John -
I know many single women who truly love the Lord, yet do not feel led to marry (and therefore date, court, whatever) a man pursuing the ministry. That is a special type of life and not all are called to it. I think that could be a large part of what is happening with your matches being closed, and you will probably have better success at BJU (or wherever you end up going to seminary), at church, or a more specifically designed Christian matching group. Just a thought.

 

[Benjamin]

Ok, I’ll tell you what Grandma said to me: NEVER say “my” always say “our” it just doesn’t sound nice, like you’re not considering her.

I need to put myself in a environment that boldly teaches the Word, and boldly exposes error

“I want us to grow together” in an environment that “lovingly” teaches the Word, (a woman will think you want her to be “boldly” taught in some cultic environment) and in the boldness of the truth expose error (you don’t want her to think “her” errors will be boldly exposed by “ I need to put myself ”)

He was very serious about the bible and sought to spend all his time studying it and knowing its doctrine. He also had a compassion and a love for the lost. I want to be exactly like him.

If you spend “all” your time studying what does this obsession? leave for her? Where is the consideration and maybe she doesn’t want you to be exactly like someone else she doesn’t even know and maybe she wants some input on who you will grow to be. I,I,I, Me, Me, Me !

and wants to "seperate" from the evil to live a righetous and Holy life.

When you tell a woman you want her to separate you sound like a control freak along with the (my,me,I) Bid red flag!

I tend to be easy going, and have grace on others for their mistakes.

What about your mistakes? Mighty nice of you to have grace on her!

However in areas of doctrine and morality I will not lower the bibles standards.

“However” sounds like a warning, and “I will not” singular/determined, set in “your” ways about “bible standards” maybe she has some bible standards that are different from yours. Standards can be subjective.

I will not associate with you nor anyone that does not stand by the Word of God as their standard.

Again sounds control freakish, self righteous, and I doubt at this point they will believe it will be “their” standards brought by the Word of God or not.

So if you claim to love Jesus then I think you will also be overly concerned with obeying what God's Word says

“If you claim” ??? What! Are you calling her a liar? Already? “then I think” No, No, No,… concerned together with learning and living by… Not “overly” concerned with “obeying” what YOU think God’s word says.

I know what your saying but you need to think about what she’s hearing. Always remember to include her in the decisions and plans, one of the best approaches to this is to make her think it was hers. :thumbs:

 

[TaterTot]

Hmmm. Interesting discourse, lol. I have just read two little books called For Men Only and For Women Only By Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn. (I know, I aint a man, but my man is a man, and I wanted to know what they were telling him about me!) Anyway, the point was made several times that we can get out points across, but that tone is so important. I have seen that in my own life as well.
When I first read your post, Bible John, my first thought was "I'd never answer that thread, but someone might". I think there have been some great suggestions here as for ways to change your perceived tone. You are you, and you shouldnt change for anyone, and I am glad you arent lowering your standards. But make sure she can really see your heart.

 

[Filmproducer]

I think Benjamin made an excellent point. It is not about what you say, it is about what she hears. You are trying to make your standards known ahead of time, and there is nothing wrong with that, but as others have pointed out you sound control freakish. I think if you reword your profile you'll find women are more receptive. Trust me no woman wants to be married to man who is stuck on I,I,I me,me,me. Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP, your profile should reflect your willingness to be in a partnership.

 

[IronWill]

T

Its sad. Some that have closed matches claim to love Christ. But perhaps they are charismatics or Seeker church type christians.


John

How do you know they don't love Christ? I know many "charismatics" and "seeker church type" Christians who truly love the Lord and desire to serve Him.

 

[annsni]

I agree with what the others have said here - it does sound controlling and a little scary to me. I'm a pastor's wife and love my life but would be hesitant to connect with you - although you might be more my type than you let on! I like the suggestions that were put forth for you. You can further winnow out the chaff by e-mailing and such - and then they can get to 'know' you a little better one on one.

As for the E-harmony thing - I know numerous couples who have married through E-harmony! One of our pastor's daughters signed up and married a most wonderful man who's parents are in the ministry (she's an Air Force doctor so it was hard to do a lot of dating at the time). Another couple met although he lived in Boston and she was in NY - and they're a beautiful couple! I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with using the online services - it's a way to meet someone that you might not normally get to meet because they're in another part of the country!

Annie

 

[Bible John]

Made changes. Thanks.


I am pursuing the ministry and have a great love for the Word of God and standing for the truth. In the great Apostacy that we are living in today. I want us to grow together” in an environment that “lovingly” teaches the Word.
So since Bob Jones Seminary does this, God has called me there. No I do not agree with all the rules, however I want God to be honored and myself to grow. I seek to crucify my sinful flesh, and ensteep myself only in the bible and following the Word of my Lord.

My former pastor. He was such a man of the Lord. He was very serious about the bible and sought to spend all his time studying it and knowing its doctrine. He also had a compassion and a love for the lost.
A old professor who died of cancer in 2005 would be my second most influental person in my life. Dr. Campbell ws his name and you may read about him here.

http://www.southcoast.net/johnw/bcampbell/

Someone that is caring, loving, honest, and dedicated to a relationship. Also I want someone that loves the Lord and wants to "seperate" from the evil to live a righetous and Holy life.

I also want to find someone that I will spend the rest of my life with.

If possible I'd like us to have things in common. I tend to be easy going, and have grace on others for their mistakes.

 

[gekko]

Gina said:

I suppose a single person would wait for someone to drop into their laps, or start asking out strangers, but what fun would that be?

what do you mean 'what fun would that be?' ? haha. personally i wouldnt wait for someone to drop into my lap... that's just creepy.

the fun of it all is gettin to know strangers... and if its the Lord's will... then go for it.

then again... im only 18 - what do i know?

 

[Filmproducer]

:thumbsup: It sounds much more personable now, and you still got accross most of your main points. Let us know how it turns out.

 

[Gina B]

That is much better.

Only thing now...is I have a mental picture of you putting up your two fingers of each hand like you're saying "quote, unquote". LOL :laugh: (you can take those out)

Seperate: It's spelled separate.
Can I help you with this sentence just a tiny bit?

Also I want someone that loves the Lord and wants to "seperate" from the evil to live a righetous and Holy life.

Maybe try something a little easier to read and understand, like:

I am looking for someone who loves the Lord and is dedicated to living a meaningful life as defined by the scriptures instead of the world.

And use the word immerse instead of ensteep. Just because it sounds better. Ensteep sounds like something you'd do with a potato and a pot of stew. :tongue3:

Looks MUCH better though! :thumbs: Much less frightening. Good luck. (good luck? did I just say that...I'm in trouble now!)

 

[Phillip]

I have been on eharmony and keep on getting matches closed by Christians.

In my denominational secltion I selected Baptist or Non denomination. However there are many different types of Baptists, and I have reason to believe that Fundamentalist Baptists are far and few in between on eharmony.

Here are some things that seem to offend people that I have in my profile.

Is this offensive?

1. What are you most passionate about?
I am pursuing the ministry and have a great love for the Word of God and standing for the truth. In the great Apostacy that we are living in today, I need to put myself in a environment that boldly teaches the Word, and boldly exposes error (2 Tim 4:2-4). So since Bob Jones Seminary does this, God has called me there. No I do not agree with all the rules, however I want God to be honored and myself to grow. I seek to crucify my sinful flesh, and ensteep myself only in the bible and following the Word of my Lord.

4. Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?

My former pastor. He was such a man of the Lord. He was very serious about the bible and sought to spend all his time studying it and knowing its doctrine. He also had a compassion and a love for the lost. I want to be exactly like him.

A old professor who died of cancer in 2005 would be my second most influental person in my life. Dr. Campbell ws his name and you may read about him here.

http://www.southcoast.net/johnw/bcampbell/

7. What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?

Someone that is caring, loving, honest, and dedicated to a relationship. Also I want someone that loves the Lord and wants to "seperate" from the evil to live a righetous and Holy life.

14. Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?

If possible I'd like us to have things in common. I tend to be easy going, and have grace on others for their mistakes. However in areas of doctrine and morality I will not lower the bibles standards. So if you are a part of the Word of Faith or Charismatic Pentecostal movemement, please close the match. I will not associate with you nor anyone that does not stand by the Word of God as their standard (2 Thes 3:14). The Word is THE authority and practice (Heb 4:12). So if you claim to love Jesus then I think you will also be overly concerned with obeying what God's Word says (John 14:15).

You certainly don't want to lie and wind up with someone who does not believe as you do. If they are offended, so be it; you didn't want them anyway. IMHO

 

[Gayla]

Hi John,

The re-write is much better. Makes you sound more approachable.



Is ensteep a word?
:wavey:

 

[StefanM]

IMO, your profile seems a bit standoffish, even after the rewrite. But, it seems to accurately reflect your convictions/personality, so it is honest, which is a good thing.

I think your lack of success on e-harmony is probably more due to the lack of BJU, capital "F" Fundamentalists on it. The vast majority of Christians are not going to identify with contemporary "Fundamentalists."

If I weren't married, and if I saw a woman's profile with similar statements, I would avoid it because, although I believe in the fundamentals of the faith, I'm not a BJU-type fundamentalist.

Also, some might think that you're just wearing your religion on your sleeve and trying to be "holier than thou." This matters. If someone is already turned off by the fundamentalist angle, this would be the nail in the coffin. The lack of scripture in a profile doesn't mean that one isn't a Christian. If people say they are Christian or that they love the Lord, they probably feel that such a statement is sufficient. Don't read too much into it.

 

[Bible John]

I knew there was some racism towards BJU.

I have had others complain.

People tell me not to be racist, and then they go ahead and are racist towards BJU.

Amazing.

But the sad news is that you are right. I will change it.


John

IMO, your profile seems a bit standoffish, even after the rewrite. But, it seems to accurately reflect your convictions/personality, so it is honest, which is a good thing.

I think your lack of success on e-harmony is probably more due to the lack of BJU, capital "F" Fundamentalists on it. The vast majority of Christians are not going to identify with contemporary "Fundamentalists."

If I weren't married, and if I saw a woman's profile with similar statements, I would avoid it because, although I believe in the fundamentals of the faith, I'm not a BJU-type fundamentalist.

Also, some might think that you're just wearing your religion on your sleeve and trying to be "holier than thou." This matters. If someone is already turned off by the fundamentalist angle, this would be the nail in the coffin. The lack of scripture in a profile doesn't mean that one isn't a Christian. If people say they are Christian or that they love the Lord, they probably feel that such a statement is sufficient. Don't read too much into it.

 

[Magnetic Poles]

I knew there was some racism towards BJU.

I have had others complain.

People tell me not to be racist, and then they go ahead and are racist towards BJU.

How can you be "racist" toward BJU, when that isn't a race. One can be against BJU and its racist policies, but not racist against an institution. Is that what you meant?

 

[StefanM]

I echo MP's response.

 

[Bible John]

Oh please I do not have to spell it all out. You know what I meant.

Yes I know racism was not the bets Word, but it s what I said. The meaning was implied.

How can you be "racist" toward BJU, when that isn't a race. One can be against BJU and its racist policies, but not racist against an institution. Is that what you meant?

 

[bapmom]

Can I give a little advice here, too?

It sounds like you are pretty idealistic. Make sure in your heart that you are not looking for the perfect woman. She doesn't exist, and if she did she wouldn't need anyone else.

Also let God be the one who picks her for you. Don't set such specific requirements that you miss what God has for you. My husband and I almost didn't date each other because I don't play the piano. He wanted a lady who was musical, but he had set "musical" to equal "plays piano". It took him a bit to realize that I could be generally musical without having the particular skill of playing piano.

The lady might not look like what you are expecting, but if she is the right one than she will be who you NEED.

 

[Bible John]

Typicially the barbie type of gals reject me, so no need to worry about that.

I am open and will not settle on looks alone.



John

Can I give a little advice here, too?

It sounds like you are pretty idealistic. Make sure in your heart that you are not looking for the perfect woman. She doesn't exist, and if she did she wouldn't need anyone else.

Also let God be the one who picks her for you. Don't set such specific requirements that you miss what God has for you. My husband and I almost didn't date each other because I don't play the piano. He wanted a lady who was musical, but he had set "musical" to equal "plays piano". It took him a bit to realize that I could be generally musical without having the particular skill of playing piano.

The lady might not look like what you are expecting, but if she is the right one than she will be who you NEED.

 

[bapmom]

I wasn't referring to physical looks at all.

I was referring to her personality.

She might not have been raised in a home that gave her the principles you are looking for. She might not share exactly the same ideas on things that you believe (Im not talking about salvation here). She might be one who you have some things to learn from.