Let's Kill Christian Urban Legends!

Here is a real old urban legend-----Christ came back in AD 70.

Bro Tony

 

I cannot believe you people! Here we are living in a world where people are hiding aids needles in fast-food play area ball pits; a world when a Christian needs to campaign hard if we are ever going to get Touched By An Angel back on TV, you people have time to talk about this! You can't tell me that you've already sent your get well card to that poor little boy with cancer trying to get in the book of world records. You are wasting your time! The whole reason we invaded Iraq was to usher in the apocalypse. That's why Bush is constantly stopping his business to witness to young children...at least HE knows time is running out.

Sheesh. As far as I'm concerned, you all are just a bunch of anti-"under God" pepsi drinkers!

:thumbs:

 

Send it to me. I will beat his promise by 15%.

(BTW, the music DOES sound like the voodoo incantations, but that's because the missionaries want to REACH the voodooists.)

 

Not sure if it would necessarily be strictly a "Christian" Urban Legend as such, but remember all hoopla concerning "The Mother of All Computer Viruses" --- Y2K?

That was sure a (pardon the expression) "Godsend" to many of the survivialist/militia-ists, wasn't it?

No telling how many gasoline-powered generators were sold in the run up to January 1, 2000!

Not to mention the run on ATV's, tents, guns and M-R-E's!

And how many sermons were preached in mid- to late-1999 stressing the fact that God's People needed to extend their arms of hospitality and generosity to those poor souls who failed to prepare for the impending "winter of our discontent" and thus would be sentenced to a lifetime of being hopelessly adrift along with their wives and babies?

Why I still remember at one store they were actually selling "Y2K-Compliant Toilet Paper"!!

P. T. Barnum would have loved it!

 

You heard the one about Farmer Fleming saving a young son of a Mr. Churchill. Mr Churchill sent the young Fleming to a top school where he became a scientist and developed penicillin - the same medicine then saved Winston Churchill!

That was a good one.

The answer to spam from friends is simple. In a special folder save ALL the spam you get. Then, for every one you receive from friends reply with EVERY piece of spam you have ever recieved with a final personal one telling them of your intentions to fill their inbox with junk each time they forward something pointless to you.

I have done that and it works wonders!

 

I don't wish to hijack this thread, but--having looked over a lot of the postings by my BB friends here--I've wondered for a long time if the various summons for "God-Fearing Christians" to boycott this product or that company (and I KNOW that most everyone that's reading this post has gotten them in their e-mail inbox from time to time! :smilewinkgrin: ) have, in the long run, proven to be effective in their avowed purpose(s).

I'm not doubting the sincerity of these people/organizations. Maybe such boycotts are truly effective. But, suppose, when you add all these products and/or businesses up that are "satanically motivated," you find yourself at a quandry due to the fact that two or more of these boycotts could quite likely intersect----and then what?

It seems to me that you almost need a flow chart before you go shopping for a loaf of bread anymore!

Do I buy this or that product at a business that sells it at a lower price--thus being a good steward of the money with which God has entrusted you--or must I drive elsewhere --thus using more gas (and therefore lining the pockets of those greedly Exxon exec's)--to purchase said loaf of bread?

I can't use my cell phone either, because then I'm guilty of promoting the homosexual agenda of the providing company.

In fact, I can't even live in my new house, because that was constucted by a firm that used lumber that was delivered to the job site in a truck that was manufactured by a company who sponsored a Gay Pride march somewhere, and was driven by an undocumented alien whose family has roots in Venezuela (which, of course, is now governed by Hugo Chavez, America's arch enemy!)

So......what's a fella to do?

I can't even read my Bible because its binding came from the hide of an animal that was tended by an individual living in an Islamic country!

And, who knows where the folks that ran the presses that printed my Bible go on Fridays?

In fact, I just know that this computer on which I've composed this posting has parts in it that were manufactured in some sweat shop in China!!!!

Woe is me!! :tear: :tear: :tear:

 

This just in! The red planet Mars will pass closer than ever in history to planet earth. It will appear as large as the moon in the midnight sky. Apocalypse Now?

http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2005/07jul_marshoax.htm

 

There was a very interesting play put out years ago for performances by Christian drama groups called, "A Work In Progress." The scenes of the first act were all humorous examples of such things. Once scene was a woman almost in tears over a shopping expereince in which she was boycotting so many companies that she only came home with spaghetti and kitty litter. Another was a monologue comprised of bumper-sticker slogans. Another was a scene in which two Christians begin to witness to a lost person in the park, only to wind up in a debate over doctrine. Your post reminded me of that play...anyone else ever seen it?

 

It happens in these forums every day. Ask a question, get 36 answers, finally boiling down to 2 or 3 locked in heated debate, all in the presence of a new Christian, struggling Christian, etc.

 

Oh my!

Did they capture the man in the back seat?

 

That's as tragic as that poor babysitter that never realized the calls were coming from inside the house. I know that one is true. The babysitter happened to be my sister-in-law's second cousin's best friend's dog walker's step-daughter. Its not an urban legend because it actually happened here...out by that bridge where two teeneagers ran out of gas and got killed...one of them was strung up over the car.

I still can't believe you all are laughing about these things. We live in a dangerous world. I'm just glad that this morning, I emailed that nice angel email (the one with the angel made out of T's) to 7 friends so as to not break the cycle of bad luck.

 

I just got this in email today... what irony,

To all of you:

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fe dEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. Oh, and don't forget this one either!

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

 

genesis12 said:

This just in! The red planet Mars will pass closer than ever in history to planet earth. It will appear as large as the moon in the midnight sky.

Oh no! It's Planet X all over again!

We're all gonna die!!!

 

And may you all live in interesting times!

 

RE:Let's Kill Christian Urban Legends

"One scene was a woman almost in tears over a shopping expereince in which she was boycotting so many companies that she only came home with spaghetti and kitty litter."


Boy, I know how she felt. I get so many of these emails. I read them and then delete them or just forward them to my bothers and sisters in Christ.



:thumbsup: :laugh:

 

Ransom!!! Blackbird fell for this hoax!!! On the designated day in time in the darkness of the Mississippi nite---there Blackbird was---tryin' to catch a glimpse of his nearest relative---green though they may be---but---nothin'---Blackbird didn't see "Diddle-lee!!!"

 

Let me guess...Oral Roberts?

Joseph Botwinick