Let's Kill Christian Urban Legends!

Well, here's the thing. I would have, but as I was taking those nasty, cancer causing things to the trash, I suddenly realized that the trash bags could be from the company that is giving to immoral causes. Not wanting to be cursed by the use of a trash bag, I decided to check. They were glad bags. Unfortnuately, I couldn't remember if its Glad bags or Hefty bags that are the satanic ones? I decided I should consult my wife, but she had driven to the store. Naturally, I could call here, but that would require a long distance phone call. How many abortions would I pay for doing that?!? Then I came up with a brilliant plan: Use disinfectant on the deodarant and rid them of the cancer causing agents. That works, right? I'm sure I read it somewhere. Anyway, as I went to get the disinfectant, there it was...right in my own kitchen: PROCTOR AND GAMBLE!!!!!!

In horror I decided to forward a nice email entitled "True Love" to about 500 people. I have also called the church to start an email forward chain immediately. Now I ask you, as you see that my house is clearly under a curse, please join with me in a email forward. After all, didn't Jesus say that where two or three are emailed together, He is in the CC too?

Well, I'm sure he did, and he also said that if you deny Him before men...well you know the rest, so brothers and sisters, to your email forwards!

 

If you don't have the time (or the inclination) to visit the "Churches Rent Steeples for Cell Towers" thread, I'll just mention it right here.

One probably-sincere Brother was not convinced that the Lord would have him suggest to whoever makes that decision for his church that this is something his local church should do [and that's his/their perogative!] because he wasn't sure that he wanted any ungodly phone conversations being channeled through the property of [Whatever] Baptist Church.

I really hated to inform him (and all other readers), but any radio, TV, or other wireless "delivery platform" signal within the reception range of WBC's church plant has already been swimming in and around their church plant for as long as there have been broadcast transmissions going on!!!

Depending upon the building materials used (A metal frame [or roofed] building will reflect much of the signal--but not all of it......Wooden framed buildings, on the other hand, offer very little resistance to them.), WBC's church plant has been the viaduct for the signals of who knows how many godless TV and radio programs!

"Desparate Housewives" has been travelling through the pews where Bro. Deacon Chairman has been sitting for years! "Sex and the City," well, it's been hovering behind the changing tables of the nursery, too!!

And those 2:00 a.m. promos for "Girls Gone Wild!" videos...........

 

I just read this whole hilarious thread and can't believe you guys. You young whippersnappers have missed the grandaddy of them all--that "Scientists drilling in Siberia went too far and ended up punching a hole through to Hell, where the screams of the damned drifted up to them." This one was around before the Internet, and I think tracts were even written about it.

Check it out at Snopes, the best site on the web for urban legends:
http://www.snopes.com/religion/wellhell.htm

 

Wasn't there once something about seeing coloured reflections from a star system and the colours matched the precious stones described as the foundations for the New Heaven?

 

Why.....why.... A - L - L of us reading this post have been [now take a really deep breath!] ..........

L - E - F - T

B - E - H - I - N - D !!!!! :tear: :tear:

And we've been left behind going on a quarter of a century too!

Proof Positive: I have it clearly on a tape made by an evangelist in 1974!!!

Bear with me please. And while you're bearing with me, turn in your Bibles to Matthew 24:32-35.

In Verse 32 Christ presents His "Parable of the Fig Tree."

A. Fig Tree = Israel

B. "All these things" [v. 33a] = Those things mentioned
in Mt. 24:5-31.

C. "This generation shall not pass" = The generation that
is alive when the Fig Tree [Israel] begins to bud [i.e.,
"to come to life once again"].

D. A "generation," according to all Orthodox Jewish
traditions cannot exceed forty years.

E. When did "the Fig Tree" [Israel] "come to life again"?
In 1948!

F. 1948 + 40 = 1988

G. But wait ....... we must also account for a seven-year
Tribulation Period, don't we? And, prior to that, a
"rapture" must occur, must it not?

H. 1988 - 7 = [You guessed it!] 1 - 9 - 8 - 1 !!!

It's a shame that I must plead total ignorance of my Bible concerning the Second Coming, et. al., because also on this 1974 taped edition said evangelist defiantly proclaimed that, "Anyone who doesn't believe that the Lord isn't coming back in 1981 doesn't know their Bible!"

Nor can I probably seek some clarification from said evangelist either.

You see, said evangelist apparently departed from terra firma back about twenty-five years ago.

Too bad he didn't have enough time to expound on Matthew 24:36-44. :tear: :tear:

 

I think he is still on TBN!!!

 

I believe I would be excused for missing the trumpet call as I was only 1 year old at the time...

What happens now then? Is this the Millennium?

 

Whoa!

I was born in 1948 and I ain't dead yet! Granted the old grey mare ain't what she used to be, but I'm still alive here on earth!

So this generation of mine is still alive and seeing end times events unroll rather rapidly now, I think....

 

Tiny Tim (et. al.)

Of course said evangelist was wrong! :smilewinkgrin:

Were he correct, how on God's brown earth would it have been possible to:

1) Fund the Praying Hands in order to serve as a focal point gracing the other Mr. Roberts' Neighborhood in Tulsa?
[BTW, haven't checked e-Bay on this, but I've got one of these here "Send Oral to Heaven in '87" bumper stickers that an RN gave me that oughter make me richer 'n Billy Gates!]

2) Make a mint bigger than Fort Knox over the sale and distribution of fact-studded book 88 Reasons Why the Lord is Returning in 1988?
[Got me a case 'r two of 'em rat cheer just fixin' ta make me a fist fulla' money!]

3) More currently, market all of these kippah's personally autographed by Mel Gibson.
[Makes an excellent way to preserve his two-volume collector's set consisting of a behind-the-scenes pictorial book of The Passion of the Christ and his annotated edition of Anne Frank's Diary!]

I'd post more, but I just don't have the time. You see, I just received a tear-jerking letter from a gentleman with Lebanese roots pleading for funds to be channeled back to his homeland that's being destroyed by the FTAF (Fig Tree Air Force) :tear: :tear: ..... A certain Benjamin Hinn I believe this gentleman's name to be......

 

A co-worker fell for that one and bought me a T-shirt...
It reads...Y2-PRAY!!
Still have it

 

Didn't most of us fall for that just a little? I turned off the PC all day that day because of the possible problem with the date.... :tongue3:

 

I ran out of beef jerky long ago and I never bought a generator!
Woe is me!!!

 

Rat poop! I actually read the words "rat poop" on this thread!

ROFL :tongue3:

 

Bitsy, I always enjoy your posts....
You brighten my day.

 

Rat is not an urban legend it is a real concern effeccting millions of miles of sewers. So please have a bit of tenderness and send me $20 to help purge this degradation upon our society. raying: Paypal or Credit Card is acceptable!!

pastormartin@tbn.net





PS. hopefully that is not a real email address :smilewinkgrin:

 

We're having a real dragon infestation up here in Hokkaido. I had to call in a dragon exterminator to get a couple out from under our house--and that takes bunches of yen! raying:

All contributions to this worthy missionary cause may be sent through our mission board--and you will have great treasure in Heaven, because that old red dragon is the primary enemy of the Gospel in Asia! :tear:

 

Q: Where do you get dragon milk?

A: From a cow with short legs.

 

:laugh: :laugh:

 

**groooaaan**