Losing Children to the World

[csmith]

Have you lost a child to the world? If so, why do you think it happened? If you were to allow yourself to be blamed, what area of your child's upbringing was at fault?

What advice could you give to younger parents to help them avoid some of the things that have happened in your life as a parent?

 

[dianetavegia]

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

The word train, here, is the same word used by Hebrew women concerning teaching a newborn baby to latch on the mother's breast to nurse. The midwife would apply a sweet jelly to the mother's breast so the newborn would 'desire' the breast.

Train up your child, in this context, is to raise them with a hunger, desire for God's word. A child who is raised in this manner might wander. Scripture never says they'll stay on the straight and narrow. This verse does tell us they'll return to God's word when they're mature.

Satan is a liar. Believe God's word and not your own eyes. Pray! Remind them of God's word and then pray some more!

Deuteronomy 11:18 "Therefore you shall lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 19 You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. 20 And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, 21 that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land of which the Lord swore to your fathers to give them, like the days of the heavens above the earth. 22 "For if you carefully keep all these commandments which I command you to do--to love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, and to hold fast to Him--

Train Up:
$nx a primitive root
Transliterated Word TDNT Entry
Chanak TWOT- 693
Phonetic Spelling Parts of Speech
khaw-nak' Verb

Definition
to train, dedicate, inaugurate
(Qal)
to train, train up
to dedicate

 

[Thankful]

An important thing for parents to do is set a good example. Live the Christian life 24 hours per day, not just on Sunday.

After your relationship with God, always place your family first.

Patience with a child is very important. They are learning and they are testing, trying new things. We cannot isolate ourselves or our children from the world.

I found that if I explained to my children why I expected certain behavior instead of demanding the behavior, they would comply in a loving way.

Of course, you have to realize that as I get older my children become more perfect.

I thank God each day for my children and grandchildren and give all the Praise to Him.

 

[Dr.Tim]

The answers that have been given are excellent. I would like to add a few things.
It was said that we should being living examples, and then also said that we should explain why such behavior is expected and not just a demand to behave. I dont think you will find a more wise statement. The problem here is "you do it because I said so". How many times have children been told to do something and KNOW the parents are wrong. The parent CANNOT explain why he requests such behavior because he knows he is wrong. You say, well the kids shouldnt question the parents. Amen, I agree but if they could, can the parents answer for themselves?? Many times the answer is NO..and when they cant, thats when they say "because I told you so". Sometimes parents are right and still say "because I told you so" instead of explaining why. I realize sometimes TIME is a factor and the parent may not be able to explain WHY at that time, but there is a need to explain why certain behavior is RIGHT.
The age of discipline .. I think this is the key. The parents that dont discipline their children from the time they are babies will be the ones that are going to try much TOO LATE.

Ever notice some kids in church, they not only sit still and behave themselves, they actually desire spiritual things? That's another thing said and what she means is WE, as parents, are responsible to create a spiritual desire in our children.

One man came to my church and his son was 6 years old. All the other children were sitting down.. but this one decided he was going to walk around. He could not sit still, and surely didnt care about what was being preached. Sure enough, after several meetings with the pastor, things went really sour. One night the pastor told the kid, "Tony, sit down and pay attention." The father was extremely angry and took his family out of the church. The pastor visited with them and brought the assistant pastor with him. The father said.. "Dont you realize, he is SIX years old!!! It is very hard for him to sit still". The pastor said, of the 50 or 60 kids HIS age in our church, he is the ONLY one that wont sit still and does not seem to show any spiriutual interest.
Yes, the kid was supposedly saved, but the point is the parents failed to discipline that kid and now his life is a disaster. He has been issued an R.O. (restraining order) and is not even allowed around his family. Disastrous life.

Giving children all these toys does not help to do anything but increase their desire for worldly pleasures. Teach your children to be happy with NOTHING, and when they finally get something, they will appreciate it.
I climbed trees, made a bow and arrow, made a cane pole, went fishing.. and when I was 11 and was given the first fishing pole I ever had, I oiled and cleaned that thing every day. Still have it today, now 28 years later.

My pastor, the hearing pastor said.. "we are losing the youth of today". How many times do we see a young child being put through Christian school, or home schooled, and then when given the freedom of being 18 years old, they run off, get into the worst sins and you dont see them again until they have a few kids out of wedlock
???

Truly the post reflects a very serious issue of the day.

tim

 

[av1611jim]

Many things other have said here are right and good and true.
Kudos to you all!

One thing in all this we must also remember. Children have a will of their own and will make choices we have no control over. Often times those choices are heartbreaking. Like our Heavenly Father, we can give them every reason to follow God, but ultimately it is still their choice. We can do all the "right" things and they still choose to follow the "shiny lights" of the world.

Having three of my five children saved is a blessing. But the other two is what breaks my heart, for their own children are little devils.

In HIS service;
Jim

 

[williemakeit]

Personally, I found that my children's behavior, and their relationship with me, was directly related to my relationship with God. When I neglected my bible study and prayer, then there were typical 'teenager' problems. The more I studied my bible, and the more I prayed, the more that my daughters were 'young ladies' instead of 'teenagers'. Just my experience.

 

[gb93433]

The parent may start the maturation process but it is the child's friends who will help to progress or hinder it. At the teenage years it only takes one to pull your child up or one to pull him down. When I taught high school I saw students who were great until they got with the wrong crowd. I have also seen the other happen.

I am a strog believer that parents must be humble with their children and ask for forgiveness when they do wrong. Parents must be real with their children about their weaknesses too. No child is perfect and neither are their parents. Children know their parents are not perfect and the parent who tries to lead their children to believe that have already lost.

The home must be a place where intelligent discussion and honesty with respect is nurtured and encouraged. Most likely the parent who is disciplined and always learning will have children who follow that path.

Children will tend to go the direction they are led and praised. If they are praised and encouraged to make wise decisions they will most likely make wise decisions.

[ April 14, 2005, 12:00 PM: Message edited by: gb93433 ]

 

[gb93433]

Take a look at http://www.ronclark.info/

and read The Essential 55 It is an excellent book.

 

[BibleMaMa]

I believe that each one of us has to make our own mistakes. We know that when our parents warned us (this was in my case anyway) about certain things, our mindset is to always think, that won't happen to me, I won't make the same mistakes they did, etc... So I am going to answer your last question first. What advice am I to give to new parents. I don't have much. The only advice I would give is to make sure that child grew up knowing God and Jesus.

I have lost 2 children to the world. Yes I am to blame. Why did it happen? Because of my stupidity and ignorance. I was unwed, single and preganant, that was the start. I was a heathen. I didn't value myself enough to wait until marriage to have sex. And I started to bring up my kids like I wanted to be their friend. Big mistake there too. Yes I want a friendship with my kids but I shouldn't have been their friend, but their parent. Thankfully I had a little brain left that I was stern on some areas so they are not too bad.

But I am to blame because it took me too long to get myself saved and trusting in God. I have them in church consistantly now for over 5 years, and it has made a small dent in one of my children but the other one is beyond gone.
My 3rd child born after I was married and saved is how I should have raised my other 2.

I just pray that God is always moving and working in their hearts. He is so good to us.

 

[chipsgirl]

How many parents are lost to the world??? There begins the problem.

 

[blackbird]

Right you are, Chipsgirl!! Cain's problem may have manifested itself in himself but it "brewed" in the way that Adam fell!!!

There are lots of Bible references to parental responsibility---I think about Eli with his two boys, Hophni and Phinhas and how those two boys started playin' with the wrong kind of "spiritual matches" and offered "strange fire" on the altar!

Then I think about Moses' parents---Amram and Jocobed---simply living by faith---not afraid of the King's command!!

I think about Timothy's momma and grandmother!! Eunice and Lois respectively!!

Sometimes though, no matter how hard some parents try---the child will "try"---I heard Dr. Jerry Vines preach a message geared around "Honor thy Father and Mother"----how that as our children grow-at first we keep them "leashed" close to us while they are young---but as they age and mature---gradually---little by little---we must give them a little more "rope!"

I like to look at it like training Equine(horses)---you want to start training as soon as the colt is delivered from its momma!!! You touch it and pet on it, etc.-----spend lots of time around it---familiarize yourself with it and let the "little fella" become familiar with you!!---get it to where the little fella will "eat out of your hand"---then you start with the halter(this starts the rough stuff)---ever so slowly you get him use to wearin' it----then you'll notice---he'll eat out of your hand while wearin' the halter you put on him---then you enter your colt in a few "shows"---let the judge see how you can control his young mind---"show him off" a little bit---then after a year----you start with the saddle and bit!!! Granted!!! The ride will be a little rough at first---but---because you started him out early lettin' him know you mean business and that he knows through that halter and mouth bit that YOU are ulitmately in control----it usually doesn't take long for him to get use to the saddle and then a rider!!! See??? You can then take the matured horse wherever you want him to go!!!

BUT----if you don't start when they're young----you'll soon discover that its HARD to "Break" a wild Mustang!!!!!!!! Which is the trouble most parents run into!!! They won't train their child while they're young----but yet---when the child turns "teenage"----they suddenly want to "corral" them in----and they discover that the unbroke MUSTANG will tear down the best training pen a person can build!!! What good is the best training pen then----when the Mustang is wild--and the training didn't start in the infancy---and its too late now----and he can run over his trainer---now matter how hard you "switch" him!!!????

See????

 

[csmith]

Blackbird:

Thanks for killing two birds with one stone. I have two horses and 4 children. My horses are brats (biting and kicking). I didn't spend any time with them when they were really young. Now, I try to convince them I care and they are skeptical (skiddish) around me. My first response is to go search for the whip, but I realize that it is my fault they are the way they are.

Good illustration.

 

[Thankful]

Years ago, I had a friend who had a two year old son that was out of control. Now that is a problem. She liked to bring him to visit me because she said I was the only one who could control him. What did I do? I don't know. He was a perfect child at my house, but not at home.

One time he pushed his crib against the door so his mother could not get into the room and crawled out the window. It was nearly impossible to keep that child in the house. He learned quickly how to unlock doors. They put chain locks up high where he could not reach. He would find something to climb on so that he could reach the locks.

Now, his parents spanked him, grounded him, tried to reason with him. Nothing seemed to work. And you know what after about a year or so, he settled down and acted like a normal child. No problems after that.

Possibly, he was just trying to see what he could get away with and the parents had to be diligent and firm.

So maybe even the teen years will pass...

My son has four teenagers. My husband's brother has 11 children (some adopted) and 9 of them are teens...Parents will live through the teen years.

 

[blackbird]

cs Smith says, "My first response is to go search for the whip."

A good trainer:

# 1 Doesn't have to search

&

# 2 Knows exactly what to do with it

&

# 3 Will not hesitate to use it

I'd help my dad and uncle train horses---and they'd "use the whip"----I'd always remind myself---"If I behave like that---I'll be on the receivin' end of a whip similiar to the one they have yonder!!!"