Man head of house?

[Skandelon]

I was agreeing with you. A bitchy couch potato is not transformed to a Proverbs 31 woman because her husband dotes on her.

She becomes even mouthier and more slothful.

1. Did you marry a couch potato?

If not, how do you know what works?
If so, why did you choose to marry her?

2. Given that Christ teaches us to serve our enemies, what makes you think serving is an inappropriate response to a spouse dealing with laziness? I'm not suggesting you don't confront in love as well, but it just seems you are dismissing doing the right thing on the basis that the possible response wouldn't be what you wanted.

 

[Aaron]

If not, how do you know what works?

See the verse to which I alluded.

You can lavish pearls on swine all day. They will trample them under their feet and turn again and rend you.

 

[Gina B]

I was agreeing with you. A bitchy couch potato is not transformed to a Proverbs 31 woman because her husband dotes on her.

She becomes even mouthier and more slothful.

Or, maybe, with enough prayer and love, she will become laden will guilt over her actions and begin to transform.

It would take a pretty cold hearted man or woman to continue in that type of behavior when the spouse is doing all they can to treat them well.

You never know unless you try and when one is married, it is their obligation to try.

Love demands it. Whether it is returned or not. It's about the only way to keep a clear conscious. Do the right thing, let any wrong be fully on the other person.

 

[abcgrad94]

A bitchy couch potato is not transformed to a Proverbs 31 woman because her husband dotes on her.

Since when was this type of language acceptable on BB?

 

[Luke2427]

Or, maybe, with enough prayer and love, she will become laden will guilt over her actions and begin to transform.

Or maybe she WON'T. That is what I see.

There is this idea that the problem is brutish men and women would be perfect if not for them.

It's bull. It's utter bull.

There are hundreds of millions of sorry women out there just like there are sorry men.

These women are leeches that suck the life out of decent, hard working men.

I know a man whose mean, fat, sorry wife DESTROYED him. He worked and made nearly a hundred thousand dollars a year working fifty and sixty hours a week as a fleet manager for a cement company.

He brought the money home, she blew it. She sat on her rump and watched tv all day long while he worked.

He had to kick his way through the front door to move the dirty clothes and the trash out of the way to get in. She kept a nasty dog in the house that had fleas and stunk.

He was good to her and she sucked the life out of him for twenty years. She RUINED his kids.

This man, afraid to be a man and put his foot down because of the kind of crap like that that is being preached on this site- this man saw no way out but to KILL HIMSELF.

He blew his own brains out. I cleaned up the blood myself.


Men are not always the problem.

In fact, though men share their fair share of the problem, I have found it is presumptuous, lazy, nagging, power-hungry women that are OFTEN the bigger problem.

 

[Aaron]

Love demands it. Whether it is returned or not. It's about the only way to keep a clear conscious. Do the right thing, let any wrong be fully on the other person.

So you agree. The woman is to submit to the authority of the man.

 

[Gina B]

Or maybe she WON'T. That is what I see.

There is this idea that the problem is brutish men and women would be perfect if not for them.

It's bull. It's utter bull.

There are hundreds of millions of sorry women out there just like there are sorry men.

These women are leeches that suck the life out of decent, hard working men.

I know a man whose mean, fat, sorry wife DESTROYED him. He worked and made nearly a hundred thousand dollars a year working fifty and sixty hours a week as a fleet manager for a cement company.

He brought the money home, she blew it. She sat on her rump and watched tv all day long while he worked.

He had to kick his way through the front door to move the dirty clothes and the trash out of the way to get in. She kept a nasty dog in the house that had fleas and stunk.

He was good to her and she sucked the life out of him for twenty years. She RUINED his kids.

This man, afraid to be a man and put his foot down because of the kind of crap like that that is being preached on this site- this man saw no way out but to KILL HIMSELF.

He blew his own brains out. I cleaned up the blood myself.


Men are not always the problem.

In fact, though men share their fair share of the problem, I have found it is presumptuous, lazy, nagging, power-hungry women that are OFTEN the bigger problem.

That is true. It doesn't always work, but a believing man living right who does things properly, as well as being married to a believer who is living right, greatly increases the chances of his wife following suit.

In your example, it is a terrible tragedy of a woman taking advantage of a good man. A weak man, but one with a tender heart. What a horrible shame that any woman would take advantage of someone like that!

I understand how it would cause anyone to be jaded, to see things from a different perspective.

I was there from dealing with my first failed relationship. I could not understand how I tried so hard and it didn't work, why prayer didn't work. Even after the legal paperwork stating "divorce," I did not accept it until I had physical evidence of a biblical cause for divorce and continued to pray for the marriage, as it was still a marriage in my eyes.

It happens to women too. We can do it all by THE Book and it doesn't work. You can't force a heart to believe or do right. They do or they don't.

Thus the mandate to not marry an unbeliever. You drastically up the chances for peace when true believers find each other and have the common goal to serve Christ and keep that in focus.

Sometimes we just have to let go of what surrounds us in this world, what happens to "most people." We're not most people. Christians are not the majority no matter how many people claim it. Honest believers, those who really look to live what they believe, seem to be precious few when you take away the fluffy words and attempts to look good on the outside and get to the core. The standard to judge what works isn't what we see happening in others, but what we see happening with ourselves when we do what God tells us to do.

And that's about the hardest thing there is, because we're very social by nature and want to relate to others so very much, but that can be a big downfall if we start letting it determine whether we're going to let it interfere with our spiritual lives because we're afraid the same thing that happened to so and so is going to happen to us. And maybe it will even if we do things right and according to the Bible, but living as blameless as possible is a pretty amazing thing. When I've managed to do the right thing in certain tough situations, it has always ended up pretty amazing. Sometimes not then, sometimes I thought it was terrible and not worth it, but it wasn't. Sometimes it took years to say "I SEE IT NOW! That was why!" And when that happens, you're speechless. Amazed by grace.
Though I think some things we'll just never know until later, but I can tell you now that by doing things the right way in the first marriage that failed, I was blessed. Not then, but years later.

 

[Gina B]

So you agree. The woman is to submit to the authority of the man.

Yes Aaron, I agree with that.

Now if you're thinking it's in the way of "Woman, go fetch me a cold drink or else," no.

I'm not saying I wouldn't comply if asked in that manner. I'd likely just fetch it and serve it in the dog's bowl with a complimentary biscuit for dunking.

Thankfully, we're both pretty tame people and don't treat each other like that. LOL

(but that really would be my first instinct if he did that to me, rude authoritative people are the pits!)

 

[DocTrinsoGrace]

Yes Aaron, I agree with that.

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." (Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV)

Gina, how ought a man to emulate the Master in washing his wife with the word? Have suggestions as how a husband might walk in this command?

 

[Gina B]

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." (Ephesians 5:25-27 ESV)

Gina, how ought a man to emulate the Master in washing his wife with the word? Have suggestions as how a husband might walk in this command?

That's a good question. I'll give my personal opinion on it, and do so by referring back to my example earlier in this thread of what my husband did with me that one day I mentioned in an earlier posting when I just didn't feel like getting ready and going to services.

He gently quoted and asked me about Hebrews 10:25. He used the Word in a loving manner. Not only was that an act of service towards me, it was an act of leadership. What else did it do?

It helped to cleanse my thoughts, to help purify my mindset and get my priorities straight.

Continued behavior of that nature, where he is able to cover me in the word when he sees the need or simply because it is good and desirable is great for both of us and now that you have me thinking about it, I guess that in turn, that would help him out to if what he desires is a wife that is living right and honoring Christ and our Father.

 

[Tom Butler]

A couple of observations:

1. Paul urged the husband to love his wife so intensely that he would die for her. A husband like that will not abuse his headship. And the wife of such a husband will have little or no problem submitting to him.

2. If husband and wife are partners of equal authority, you have a recipe for gridlock and conflict. Whether it's a business or a family, someone must have the final say or things will not function efficiently or properly.

3. That said, a man who ignores his wife's opinions, acts like a "boss," flaunts his headship and expects to be waited on hand and foot is a jerk.

Oh, wait, that being waited on doesn't sound so bad when I think about it. Uh, if I want my beloved wife to know I said this, I'll tell her. Don't need any help here.

 

[Gina B]

A couple of observations:

1. Paul urged the husband to love his wife so intensely that he would die for her. A husband like that will not abuse his headship. And the wife of such a husband will have little or no problem submitting to him.

2. If husband and wife are partners of equal authority, you have a recipe for gridlock and conflict. Whether it's a business or a family, someone must have the final say or things will not function efficiently or properly.

3. That said, a man who ignores his wife's opinions, acts like a "boss," flaunts his headship and expects to be waited on hand and foot is a jerk.

Oh, wait, that being waited on doesn't sound so bad when I think about it. Uh, if I want my beloved wife to know I said this, I'll tell her. Don't need any help here.

Good words.

And being waited on? Goes both ways. :thumbs: One beautiful thing my husband does is a nightly foot massage. How sweet is that?! You think I'm not going to want to get off my fat butt and bake the man home made cookies and his favorite apple pie? LOL
Little examples here, but in real life, that's kind of how this works.

BTW, I often see people using the word "fat" in such a derogatory manner. I don't see people saying "get off her skinny, lazy butt" or "skinny, ugly butt," they always say fat.
Well, I'm fat, but I'm not often lazy and I'm not that bad looking either, so for those that want to use the word "fat" and automatically connect it with lazy and ugly, you really should quit.

 

[Inspector Javert]

BTW, I often see people using the word "fat" in such a derogatory manner.

They should.

Being "fat" is not a positive quality in any respect. There are worse things...plenty of them. But this B.S. notion that "I'm fat, your fat, and we're o.k." is no more sound than anyone telling me that my pack a day smoking habit is "a-o.k."..............I smoke too much, and that isn't o.k....I'm not fat though, and I'll be D_mned if I ever allow some tub of lard to preach to me about my tobacco habit. Neither one is ideal.

I don't see people saying "get off her skinny, lazy butt" or "skinny, ugly butt," they always say fat.

That is because being "skinny" or, at least, not over-weight is a superior status to that of being "fat". People don't say "get off her skinny butt" because "skinny" is essentially good, and over-weight is essentially bad, that's why.....Stop watching Oprah, she's been lying and tickling Americans' (particularly women's) ears for years......."fat" isn't beautiful, nor is it "a-o.k."..........it's an imperfection that we should strive to over-come. It is not a virtue.

and I'm not that bad looking either

I don't doubt that..........but, don't convince yourself you wouldn't possibly be MORE attractive if you were thinner.........I have a 38 waist now....I'm quite convinced, however, that although I am not bad looking either, I was more physically attractive 12 years ago as a tanned 24-year old with a wash-board and a 32" waist....I haven't gotten sexier since then, I assure you.

...so for those that want to use the word "fat" and automatically connect it with lazy and ugly, you really should quit.

No they shouldn't, and here's why:

1.) There are plenty of "fat" people who are no more "lazy" than the man in the moon..........so you are right on that level
HOWEVER:
2.) Generally (and it's general) particularly slothful individuals habitually BECOME ALSO fat and out of shape.
3.) Thus, there IS a positive correlation between the status of being "fat" and also being "lazy" which is no doubt statistically more significant than "skinny" or "in-shape" people. I have no doubt that "skinny" or "in-shape" people are drastically less lazy than I am. I know plenty of people at my work in their mid-to-late forties who are in SIGNIFICANTLY better shape than I am, and INEXPLICABLY, they do more over-time, and work FAR harder than I do.......They usually don't smoke as I do either, because they aren't as easily swayed or tempted by certain fleshly weaknesses as perhaps I am either. They are RIGHT on that level. They are "BETTER" than me in the sense that they don't smoke...and they are also "BETTER" (in that particular respect) if they work harder and are less fat. It is a SUPERIOR state of being.
It is foolish PRIDE which causes one to refuse to admit either error.
4.) It is not a PERFECT POSITIVE CORRELATION...but it's a real one.

I have a 38" waist now........I COULD achieve a 34 or 32 inch one any day........I don't and the reason is:

I'm too LAZY to do what it takes....that's it.
I am in no position to judge anyone as my own beam is as prominent as another's....but, I don't lie to myself about my short-comings either. Many of us have some hills to climb that we can overcome by God's grace. But, we will ALL remain either "smokers" or "fat" or somewhat too "lazy" until we ADMIT IT.

Let's observe how the Apostle Paul felt about the flesh's weakness:
1 Cor. 9: 27 But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.
New International Version
No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

New Living Translation
I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.

English Standard Version
But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

New American Standard Bible
but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.


I leave us all with this gem my best friend once said:
It's not the dress that makes you look fat, it's the fat that makes you look fat.

Amen.

 

[jaigner]

They should.

This is an ignorant and presumptuous thing to say. There are lots of reasons people are fat, and there are varying degrees.

 

[Inspector Javert]

This is an ignorant and presumptuous thing to say. There are lots of reasons people are fat, and there are varying degrees.

REALLY??? I did not KNOW THAT!

No one has EVER heard the "Thyroid Problem"/ chemical cocktail of Prescription drugs.....diabetes/ (pick your poison) excuses before........
I'm fully aware of that. But that has nothing to do with the thrust of my post.

I didn't generalize. I put a million disclaimers in my post to make room for legitimate medical reasons, but you just can't resist showing off how many stupid-looking hot pink ribbons you can plaster on your Prius next to your "Mean people Suck" bumper sticker to gain your "I truly care" bona-fides...I've heard that clap-trap all my life.

Let it be known that Jaigner is enlightened and cares and is sensitive blah blah...There you go, that's what you needed right? Everyone knows that you are enlightened and sensitive now, here's your cookie.

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

REALLY??? I did not KNOW THAT!

No one has EVER heard the "Thyroid Problem"/ chemical cocktail of Prescription drugs.....diabetes/ (pick your poison) excuses before........
I'm fully aware of that. But that has nothing to do with the thrust of my post.

I didn't generalize. I put a million disclaimers in my post to make room for legitimate medical reasons, but you just can't resist showing off how many stupid-looking hot pink ribbons you can plaster on your Prius next to your "Mean people Suck" bumper sticker to gain your "I truly care" bona-fides...I've heard that clap-trap all my life.

Let it be known that Jaigner is enlightened and cares and is sensitive blah blah...There you go, that's what you needed right? Everyone knows that you are enlightened and sensitive now, here's your cookie.

You are freaking funny:laugh:

 

[Gina B]

Okay, now that it's been decided I'm pretty, I think we should get back on the topic of the thread. :saint:
(okay that's not quite what happened and sorry for the detour, but the rudeness of choosing one negative thing and adding other things that might not be true to was irky)

 

[Earth Wind and Fire]

Okay, now that it's been decided I'm pretty, I think we should get back on the topic of the thread. :saint:
(okay that's not quite what happened and sorry for the detour, but the rudeness of choosing one negative thing and adding other things that might not be true to was irky)

You know Gina, women can do almost anything any man can do & usually better..... but men have the need. I will let it go at that.

Note that my heros (with the exception of Jesus & Paul & Stephen & John the Baptist) welllllllllll...... those aside, were all women. Nobody could have sholdered burdens like my Grandmother, mother & GrandMother in Law.

 

[Pastor_Bob]

You think it honors God to make someone do what they don't want to?

You might want to run this question by our resident Calvinists...

 

[go2church]

Made me giggle