Member of the Year 2004 Thread

Trouble with the leprechaun union, I'm told.

Hard for Cranks to compete with someone who's within easy driving distance of the Blarney Stone. (Although there's a rumor that the Illuminati have moved the stone to D.C. Will look into that further.)

 

Excuse 24: I wanted to vote for the Crank Party, but I was afraid marking the ballot with a Sharpie would ruin the screen on the monitor.

 

From the Crank Party War Room:

1. The Crank Party insists upon due process for all members and cannot condone the hanging of Chad, whoever he may be, without a full hearing.

2. The Crank Party does not take a position on the appropriateness of dimples on Chad or anyone else, so long as they are natural and not created by artificial means (i.e., plastic surgery or holding a ring into your chin for weeks at a time.)

3. The propriety — or possibility — of pregnant Chads is still being discussed at the Party Conference and is subject to further review.

 

From the Crank Party War Room:

The Crank Party decries any attempt to make the MOY issue one of gender. The Crank Party, from the beginning, has been inclusive by choosing both a woman and a man as its candidates. It stands above cheap electioneering based on such gender identification standards.

(Unless, of course, it would help us. But that's another topic.)

We urge members to calmly weigh the evidence, without prejudice, and make their decisions based solely upon the record.

Members who don't do so can expect Gina to hunt them down like dogs; but don't let that color your decisions.

 

Watch out. Gina and I have thrown our last campaign contributions (a bag of Chee-tohs and a couple of Little Debbie brownies) into the pot to buy time on the Baptist Board Satellite to keep tabs on a certain missionary in the Republic of Ireland. If he gets near Cork, the entire world will know about it.

 

Ach, mon, ha' ye nae sense o' proportion? I didna wan' to make this inta a warr among the Celts, bu' I ken ya leave mae no choice aboot it.

 

From the Crank Party's Semi-Demi-Hemi-Unabridged Dictionary:

Blarney: A stone in Ireland believed to impart powers of persuasion, or at least of plausible windiness, to those who kiss it.

The word is derived from the Italian "Bologna," a university town given to esoteric explanations of everything from how many angels can dance on the skin of a sausage to the morality and ethical considerations of the point spread between USC vs. OU.

The word was introduced into Gaelic by the Jesuits (although the Illuminati may have been involved, though this is disputed by the Bilderbergers) as "baloney," which was quickly corrupted into "blarney."