Men Marrying Late -- Or Not At All

no prob - misunderstandings happen.

 

I was 34 when I got married (my first and only marriage), my wife was 36 and had 2 children from a previous marriage.

We just celebrated our 20th Wedding Anniversary.

I agree 110% with Bitsy. I waited for the woman that God had for me, and I've never regretted it for a minute.

 

Yes, I do agree that anecdotally, waiting can be a great thing.

However, anecdotal evidence does not explain the recent and dramatic rise of the age for first time marriage. And if the rise in age was not so dramatic, I would not worry. The age has risen to almost 30. I believe that this causes more harm than it does good.

Humbly

 

I dont think i'll marry for a very long time - the Lord's got me focused on missions - but not family related missions (obviously relatives i'll be witnessing to)

for the next few years - maybe more - i'll be a modern day nomad. dont plan to have a place to stay except maybe for when im working parts at a time to earn money to go on missions.

work a bit - missions - work - missions. that'll be my life for the years to come. however that's going to work out - i dont know - the Lord's helping me out there. i've got alot of contacts - which helps.
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all this business with missions - i dont have time to think of any other relationship other then the one between me and the Lord.
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besides.... im only 18... wait... 19 in 24days!

God's peace and blessings all.

 

Amen brother, glad to hear it.

God will sustain even you nomad folk. Thats good to hear that God is calling up people to fulfill His great commision.

JW, why would you have to fund your own mission trips? Dont they have mission boards that send out missionaries?

God Bless,
Andy

 

Part of the reason for the rise is the cost of education and the cost of living. Jobs today want people with more education. Would it be right for a man to marry a woman if he could not make enough to support a family?

 

Being a single man who is just a short distance from the half-century mark, I can certainly confirm the fact that single people are marginalized in most churches, sometimes so much as to be pushed off the page almost completely.

Many smaller churches have no 'singles' groups at all to be a part of. (Ironically that can sometimes be not a bad thing, since I have seen churches with singles groups that were not much more than find-a-mate clubs.)

I have been in smaller churches (200-400) which had virtually nothing in the way of outreach, or even interest in reaching out to any single person.

Don't think this applies to just the never-marrieds. Divorced and widowed people face the same issues coming ino the church.

Singleness can at times make it very difficult if one is going into the ministry. I have a friend who worked for years at an evangelical Christian Seminary, helping students who were soon graduating to find positions in ministry. She told me it is very difficult to find a position for a graduating seminary student who is single and wants to go into the pastorate. It is a sort of 'unwritten, unspoken' law that nearly all churches (at least the evangelical Christian ones!) will only seriously consider married men for any pastorate position, even part-time, youth or singles pastors.

 

I was serving as an interim student minister several years ago in a church...I was also in consideration for the permanent position (aside: I don't recommend that, having learned from experience).

I was told by the committee after serving for a few months (they had just taken on a couple of new members) that I was no longer being considered. The reason? I was single. This is what they told me, verbatim:

"We don't think we should consider you because you are single. I (the committee chairman) would be more concerned about our girls with a single guy...what if he took liberties with them?"

It was quite possibly the most insulting thing ever said to me in my years of ministry (I take great pains to be above board in that area, then as a single guy and now as a married one). I demanded an apology, did not receive one, and thus resigned. The committee was nearly tarred and feathered.

That church is in one of the hottest spots in Alabama, and is smaller now than it was when I was there 13 years ago. Wonder why?

 

rbell,

I absolutely despise that kind of attitude you faced. It's like personnel boards have this mentality that a single minister is going to sleep with their wives and molest their daughters and that marriage magically solves all those issues.

 

gb

Can I tell that you are not looking for a prospective wife in the modern Baptist church?

Most definitely.

Single, secular, women love men like me. I am honest, work hard, believe in fidelity, and am very romantic. I have Baptist women routinely behave rudely when they meet me for fear that I might think that they are interested.

The whole reason (IMHO) is sin.

Would it be right for a man to ignore the call of God to ministry and the command to marriage?

 

When the average age for first time marriage is approaching 30 and our singles are afraid of marriage so they live together, what are we saying about the church?

I can remember when living together was called sin.

Humbly your servant

 

I got married in July of '05, just over one year ago. I was 41 when I got married, so I lived quite a while as a single male. My singleness was not wasted. While single, at different times, I earned a college degree, served as an interim pastor, a Christian school principal, a Christian school teacher, an assistant pastor, and completed an M.Div.

However, I have found that being married has enriched me far beyond what I ever considered it could. While single, I put great effort into having a social life, but found that true, deep friendships were rare and fleeting. The social life I had involved "singles ministries" in churches. In these I found people who were often odd in some way and who had socially inept habits which contributed to their on-going singleness. I cannot say that I ever developed any friendships of any consequence in singles ministries. Now that I am married I never struggle with having a social life. My wife is great at conversation and we enjoy each other's company immensely. Knowing her has expanded by social circle. Now I know many of her friends and many in her family, and she knows mine. Also, we have a little boy who is three months old. When I walked into a room as a single person, rare it was for someone to come greet me and engage me in conversation. Now when I walk in with a wife, and especially a 3-month-old-son, it's like I'm a rock star! Everyone wants to come over to see the baby and to talk to ME! What a change!

Marriage has even enriched me financially. Prior to marriage, I often struggled with finances. Since I have been married (I work in auto sales in addition to serving as an assistant pastor) my sales income has increased greatly. I have sold more cars and have made more profit per car as a married man in this last year than I did in four years of sales prior to marriage. In the year prior to marriage, I earned just over $40k. This year my income is on track for $60k+. I believe that this is God's provision, but I also believe that marriage contributes to a man's financial success because a good wife frees him to focus on his work.

Are there exceptional people both male and female who thrive while being single? Absolutely! However, they are exceptional. The normal pattern for human existence established by God is marriage. This is true in all cultures, in all places, in all times. When we see an entire society in which the number of singles is growing and marriage is being delayed or avoided alltogether, we are watching a society that is headed for disaster. That is what Al Mohler is commenting on and I agree with his viewpoint.

 

Scarlett, I think you misread Swaimj's post. His point was that, as a society, the normal pattern for most people is married life. When a society rejects this pattern, it is headed for trouble. Don't you agree? Or do you think it would be peachy if the vast majority of people remained unmarried? I don't even have to make a Biblical case against such lunacy; it is common sense that married life is beneficial to the vast majority of people and society as a whole.

Swaimj, your post was great - it was very balanced and fair.

 

Scarlett, now you're putting words into my mouth and Swaimj's. Notice here what Swaimj said:

"Are there exceptional people both male and female who thrive while being single? Absolutely!"

And I agree with this statement. There is definitely a place for singleness. I believe it is a calling. However, as in the case of many "callings", some people are bound to be confused and think they are called to singleness when they are not. I'm not saying that is you; I do not know you at all. Some people are single by God's design; some are single out of rebellion against God's design. That's all.

All we are saying is that when a society begins to reject marriage (as in the case of the U.S.), then it is headed for trouble.