AndJezebelFell
New Member
Hello brothers and sisters. I just joined this forum, and am in need of some... advice. I should preface my situation by stating that I am a sinner and have unfortunately made many mistakes throughout the process of raising my son. It is my wife and I's fault that our son has wound up the way he is, our poor parental decisions have put us into this mess we are in. Perhaps this is our punishment for our mistakes, but my son will suffer the most from this, so I ask that you give us advice in our time of need.
So to begin with, my wife and I have lived in California for most of our marriage, and moved to Virginia not too long ago. The difference in the churches we attended was astounding. We originally went to a Catholic church, as at the time we were practicing Catholics, and the atmosphere was very progressive, and what one might expect from a church in California. Our church community was very different, and our peers were very different then those in our current Baptist church. When we moved, we tried our local Catholic church but were not impressed by it. A couple we are friends with suggested their church, the church we currently attend, and we were very enchanted by it, and have converted to the Baptist church. Our new church is much more conservative.
Also noteworthy is how stark the difference in the children and youth is. It was not uncommon in our old church to see a child playing a video game, eating a snack, listening to music, or other very disrespectful things to the lord, and the parents were okay with this. They also dressed terribly, they would wear things very distasteful for church, they didn't bother dressing up at all. But this is what we were used to, and we turned a blind eye to it, since it wasn't our child after all. The children here are so much more well behaved, they are respectful and attentive while in church, (and outside church even!) they are involved and active in the community, they all dress very respectably, they all seem to be very Godly children.
My son however is nothing like them. He is 15 years old, will be 16 soon. He sins frequently and has no qualms about it. He swears, takes the Lord's name in vain, he is very disrespectful to my wife and I, he breaks our rules, he has experimented with drugs and alcohol, does poorly in school and frequently skips class, and has engaged in homosexuality, premarital sex, and masturbation. He has told us he is an atheist, does not believe in or love God. He has a very rebellious streak, and definitely looks and acts the part, and he is a huge embarrassment to us when in public. He refuses to come to church with us, and has no interest in saving his own soul.
As I said, we would not be in this mess had we been better parents in the past. We were clearly too relaxed with him and he has been able to get away with whatever he wants with little consequence. We did not heed God's advice on parenting. But once we joined the church and moved to Virginia we have realized this is not normal for a child, and that things could be so much better. Our friends do not seem to have any advice on teenagers unfortunately. We have turned to the leaders of our church who have not really been able to provide us much assistance, they have mentioned things like counseling and various programs, but our son refuses to go to any of these.
The only help we have received was the women in my wife's prayer circle recommended a parenting book called "To Train Up A Child" and says it's what we are looking for. We have not purchased the book yet, we are unsure if it will help or not. From what research I did it is geared towards younger children who are less rebellious, and is very corporal punishment centric, and I am unsure if such a method would work on a teenage boy or not, considering he is not a young child anymore. If anyone has any thoughts on this book or has any book reccomendations we would love to hear them.
We really need advice on what to do with our son. He is our responsibility, and we have to do whatever we can to help him. I love my son very much despite how trying he is. I have raised him since the day he was born, have watched him grow, been with him through the good and the bad, hugged and held him when he was down, supported him when he needed it, and loved him every minute of it. It might sound hard to believe based on what he has done lately but he used to be a very very good son. And when I think of him going to hell... it hurts me so much. I cannot fathom enjoying the bliss of Heaven if my son were not by my side, and even more so if I knew he was suffering. So it is really important that we do whatever we can to save his soul. We'll do anything to help our son see the light. What do we do?
So to begin with, my wife and I have lived in California for most of our marriage, and moved to Virginia not too long ago. The difference in the churches we attended was astounding. We originally went to a Catholic church, as at the time we were practicing Catholics, and the atmosphere was very progressive, and what one might expect from a church in California. Our church community was very different, and our peers were very different then those in our current Baptist church. When we moved, we tried our local Catholic church but were not impressed by it. A couple we are friends with suggested their church, the church we currently attend, and we were very enchanted by it, and have converted to the Baptist church. Our new church is much more conservative.
Also noteworthy is how stark the difference in the children and youth is. It was not uncommon in our old church to see a child playing a video game, eating a snack, listening to music, or other very disrespectful things to the lord, and the parents were okay with this. They also dressed terribly, they would wear things very distasteful for church, they didn't bother dressing up at all. But this is what we were used to, and we turned a blind eye to it, since it wasn't our child after all. The children here are so much more well behaved, they are respectful and attentive while in church, (and outside church even!) they are involved and active in the community, they all dress very respectably, they all seem to be very Godly children.
My son however is nothing like them. He is 15 years old, will be 16 soon. He sins frequently and has no qualms about it. He swears, takes the Lord's name in vain, he is very disrespectful to my wife and I, he breaks our rules, he has experimented with drugs and alcohol, does poorly in school and frequently skips class, and has engaged in homosexuality, premarital sex, and masturbation. He has told us he is an atheist, does not believe in or love God. He has a very rebellious streak, and definitely looks and acts the part, and he is a huge embarrassment to us when in public. He refuses to come to church with us, and has no interest in saving his own soul.
As I said, we would not be in this mess had we been better parents in the past. We were clearly too relaxed with him and he has been able to get away with whatever he wants with little consequence. We did not heed God's advice on parenting. But once we joined the church and moved to Virginia we have realized this is not normal for a child, and that things could be so much better. Our friends do not seem to have any advice on teenagers unfortunately. We have turned to the leaders of our church who have not really been able to provide us much assistance, they have mentioned things like counseling and various programs, but our son refuses to go to any of these.
The only help we have received was the women in my wife's prayer circle recommended a parenting book called "To Train Up A Child" and says it's what we are looking for. We have not purchased the book yet, we are unsure if it will help or not. From what research I did it is geared towards younger children who are less rebellious, and is very corporal punishment centric, and I am unsure if such a method would work on a teenage boy or not, considering he is not a young child anymore. If anyone has any thoughts on this book or has any book reccomendations we would love to hear them.
We really need advice on what to do with our son. He is our responsibility, and we have to do whatever we can to help him. I love my son very much despite how trying he is. I have raised him since the day he was born, have watched him grow, been with him through the good and the bad, hugged and held him when he was down, supported him when he needed it, and loved him every minute of it. It might sound hard to believe based on what he has done lately but he used to be a very very good son. And when I think of him going to hell... it hurts me so much. I cannot fathom enjoying the bliss of Heaven if my son were not by my side, and even more so if I knew he was suffering. So it is really important that we do whatever we can to save his soul. We'll do anything to help our son see the light. What do we do?
