She claims that it is for an agency called "US Aid", and says that she would make more $ than she is right now in her current job she's had since 2012--especially as her hours are getting cut and she has heard rumors of downsizings. She would be doing relief work for at least one year, saying that she needs to find herself and needs adventure in her life. In light of what happened with us a few weeks ago, I think this may be an attempt to marry a doctor over there (this time it's a real person) as I intercepted an email she printed last week--suggesting that she loves this man, he meets the deepest desires of her heart, and she can't wait to become sexually active with her. BTW, he admitted that he's currently cheating on his wife and has no remorse for this.
As this is shaking me up emotionally and otherwise, I wonder if I should let her go through the application process, and if she gets it to let her go and find out if this is what her real passion is and maybe after a year she will think about our marriage. Or--because of the PG-13 language I've intercepted, do I consider a divorce as this is obviously Biblical grounds for it?????????
I am SO sorry for your agony.
I went through a broken relationship involving unfaithfulness that led to divorce more than two decades ago and understand that pain.
Couple of things to remember:
(1) You cannot make someone love you or keep their commitments to you. Not even God allows that for Himself.
(2) When a spouse decides that they need to "find themselves," then usually shed their relationships.
(3) If she goes through with this, she will almost certainly make a mess of her life that will take years to sort out, if ever.
(4) She will never have a comfortable and trusting relationship with this doctor because she will know in her heart that he is a cheater and may well trade her in for someone new without notice.
(5) She is already cheating on you with her heart. If this man were in physical proximity, I am afraid she would already be cheating on you with her body as well.
(6) You have biblical grounds if she leaves in terms of unfaithfulness and abandonment, but the real question is, what do you want to do?
What do you want?
You can wait for her to figure out that she has made a mistake and then figure out if there is any hope of restoring the relationship (especially trust), or you can provide an ultimatum regarding your marriage and give her a point of no return so that she has to think carefully about what she does. The "easy" thing to do is to be a doormat (in the name of love) and let her call the shots. But she will likely lose respect for you (she may want you to fight your your relationship), or she will use (abuse) you for everything she can get before she breaks it off and leave you in terrible shape.
Under the advice of my pastor, I did not give my wife an ultimatum (although I did express my feelings about what she was doing), and she abandoned me for another guy - along with tens of thousands of dollars from our bank account (she thoughtfully left me $200), and racked up more than $15,000 of credit card debt before I caught it and shut down those accounts. I spent years recovering financially, and I am much poorer now that I should be. Ultimately, it did not help to give her options and was financially devastating. If I had to do it again, I would have given her a clear ultimatum and taken some immediate financial safeguards to prevent losing everything.
I will pray for the two of you and for great wisdom for your situation. Remember, you need to think of yourself as well as her. If you think there is hope for your marriage, then fight for it. If you know in your heart that it is over, then start taking steps so you can end the marriage honorably and fairly should she force your hand.
May God give you peace.
