non christian roommate- please help

You may need a roommate financially and that is fine. Just not this one. You need to get her out and find a new one.

 

I know you've already had tons of advice, but I'll add my little bit if you'd like...

Hopefully if there's not much time left on your lease you can tell her that you are not interested in renewing it with her and honestly, but gently tell her why. I'd tell her that about 30 days before you get ready to move so she'll have time to find a new place.

Part of the problem could be that because you have things in common with your best friend you would think also that you would have lots in common with this girl too. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like that's the case.

As for the deposits and so forth, let her know that you think she should take the loss/or pay you back your portion of the deposit since her cats were "free" in the house. Sometimes roomates just don't click. It is good that you are willing to witness to her. Lay out the whole story of Christ for her then if she doesn't accept His gift, you and Christ will know that you have shared the gospel and the rest is up to/between her and God.

I hope that everything will work out for you.

azwyld
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ps I've had a bad roomate myself once...ewwww

 

As for the cats I agree she needs to be caring for them better or need not have them. An anonymous call to CAPS/ASPCA will solve that little problem and she need never know that you called. For all she knows you could have had a friend over and that friend was the one that called.

As for the beer bottles, the simplest thing I can think of for now is if I had a roomate that had bottles everywhere and in the fridge, I would tell them, ok you're gonna do this keep them in the fridge and respect me enough to throw out the empty ones. It might not be fun to see them in the fridge either, but as long as she's willing to pick them up and throw them away that would help a little. If there are bottles in the trash and it get's full, just take out the trash then that takes care of the ones there.

I try my best to keep my box clean, however there's times when it doesn't get done everyday. Luckily my kitty is well behaved and doesn't go on strike. =o) I get a good reminder that I need to clean it more often when I go over to a friend's house that has multiple cats and overrun boxes. peeeewwww... How many cats does she have?

Maybe she just has too many jobs more than she can handle. Go figure. Unfortunately other things suffer when you work work work like a dog dog dog.

Hope this helps. Stinks that you just got moved in with her. Hope your lease is only 6 mos. If you decide to room again make a 6 mos one to see how it goes, if well then you can extend. Maybe someone at your church will need a roommate when the time comes for you to move/renew.

azwyld
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A thought... when choosing your NEXT roommate... drop by her place uninvited to see what her current place looks like when company isn't expected.

 

When you DO get rid of her, your cat might begin going on the floor if he can detect her cat's gone there.

 

As long as you let the ASPCA know which cats are having the problems I don't think they'll mess with yours. Let them know that you have yours involuntarily quarantined in your room and that it's the cats loose in the house that need to be looked at. If you are still worried about it maybe you can see if there is someone that will be able to temporarily let your cat room with them until/or on the day the ASPCA comes.

I like what DianeT suggested about a "surprise" visit to any other potential rommates. Good one there. I am back at home and looking to try and get back out and on my feet, but am not interested in any way dealing with a roommate. I would just see that as another person to feel accountable to.

azwyld
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Chips ...

Being a normal guy ... I have to ask, "What steps have you taken to let her know that her behavior is not acceptable"?

I read alot of discussion here, but it is difficult to tell what you have told her ...

You might try:

Upon the recomendation of some professionals and some friends:
We need to understand each other.
1. In order to keep the apartment clean: WE will keep it clean or you can hire a maid.
2. It is not safe for you or me to have men over for the night.
3. The amount you are drinking is making it look like I am drinking as well ... You have to cut back ...
4. I really want to be here for you, but you have to help me help you.
5. And while we are at it ... could we discuss how you believe about God for a half hour a week over dinner/lunch - i will cook and clean ... If you are not real comfortable remembering scriptures that is ok - i can look some up for you for the next meeting ...

 

Dear Chips

That is a great start ...

I am praying for you!

Wayne

 

Look! When God chastises us, it hurts. He does this because He loves us. If she is unsaved, only God can bring her to salvation. No person ever saves anyone or persuades one to be saved. When those who witness are totally surrendered to God, He will do His work through that person. The issue is what this person is doing, not whether she is saved or unsaved. With loving firmness, give her a list of things she must not do, or move out. This is the only way you can help her. You let her use you and she will use others. Christians are to stand up for and defend the truth in a loving way, even if it hurts. Saying nothing only condones their actions.

 

Chipsgirl,
Separate the issue of her being a believer or not from the issue of how she acts. View each from it's own situation.
Whether you have control over her staying or not depends upon the lease. If her name is on it as a co-tenant, and provided she is paying her share of rent and utilities, you may ask her to leave but she is not obligated. If she does, she may ask for a return of her part of the deposit if she put anything down. Are you able to provide this? Also, keep in mind that if she leaves and is on the lease, she is unlikely to get her half of the deposit returned, for breaking the lease. Thus, if she leaves because you ask, then there is an obligation on your part to cover the deposit. You can always ask a new tenant to give you the other half of the deposit back. If you do this, keep in mind the damage. It would have been removed regardless.
With regard to the overnight guests, if this was not an agreement with the two of you in advance, and if she is on the lease, you have not stance. If he begins to "live" in the apartment, then you have a stance regardless of the lease because there are requirements for new tenants. For example, all tenants must be reported to landlords and there are minimum stay requirements on many leases as to what qualifies as a tenant. If she choses to have overnight guests, does she respect your privacy and the co-habitation of public areas? He should be, technically, in her room and not always in the living room.

I would approach it this way:
"I know that you have a close friendship with john. I feel uncomfortable with this as it is against my belief to have a man in my apartment over night. It is not about whether you do, but whether a man is sleeping in the same apartment with me. I need to know what your intentions are so that we can discuss how to resolve this. If you choose to continue to have a male guest, that is your choice. I would prefer that you look for a different apartment if this is your preference." The choice is hers to make; not yours now. If she choses to stay and is not on the lease, you may be able to have her evicted. CONSULT A LAWYER BEFORE YOU DO THIS! I AM NOT A LAWYER!
With regard to holding non-Christians accountable, there is an issue. The person has a different point of view which they may hold as completely legitimate. If this is the case with her, sharing God's laws is not going to be the main factor. If she is a Christian, then she needs to be held accountable in the manner that God commands. This must be done out of love for her as a sister rather than simply to get ones way. If you do it out of love AND get your way, then the second is just a bonus.
Whether she likes you or not in the end does not matter to God. What matters to Him is that you care enough about her condition to minister to her needs...that you can forgive her as Christ forgives you...that you will speak out of love rahter than spite...that you follow His commands.

 

Sorry. Didn't get the memo. Shall we try Steve?
Sorry to hear about your chair. This is how it works with room mates. You take them as you get them. I used to rent out rooms when I had my home. The renter had the right as a tenant to live his life, his way. The only expectation I could enforce is that he not enter my private room and that he clean up after himself in the public areas. Had I NOT owned the home, I would have lost the rights on the public area, also. I now room with someone who pays half the rent. He doesn't like to clean the bathroom (deep cleaning) so I have taken on the task because I want a clean bathroom. Sorry I don't have better suggestions than I have already given.