parents hitting on the face...ever okay?

[jaigner]

I was replying to a poster on this thread. If my post was off topic, why not theirs? They made the assertion that "no spanking = children become Christians". I didn't agree with that and used my methods to show that I disagreed. Sorry you don't like my methods.

Matt, I just don't understand why you feel the need to be so mean spirited. That never influenced anyone for the better.

Just think about what you're doing and how it represents Christ.

Thanks again.

 

[jaigner]

They made the assertion that "no spanking = children become Christians". I didn't agree with that and used my methods to show that I disagreed. Sorry you don't like my methods.

And they didn't make the assertion that not spanking leads children to become Christians. They were asserting that there are other forms of discipline that are just as or more effective.

 

[menageriekeeper]

Alright, you two stop arguing before I smack you both upside your heads! :laugh:

Ya'll just walked right into that one.

Back to the OP:

My mother used to tell us kids regularly that she was going to: "knock your teeth down your throat!" A few times she even tried it. Since she was mentally ill and abused perscription drugs for all of my childhood and then some, I make it a practice to not do what she did.

One time I reached out and gave my smart mouth son what the OP calls a firm tap. I didn't intend to cause pain and I didn't, but it got his attention (and evidently the rest of the kids cause no one ever dare to not shut up when told to again lol). That episode didn't solve the problem, only settled that one battle. What solved the problem was him trying the smart mouth thing finally, was him trying it in front of his Dad. That was one of the few times the kid can remember being spanked.

Mostly, we don't spank even. I have other, more effective ways of training my kids that don't require violence. Talking about and training my children in how I expect them to act always worked just fine, but those few times they felt the heat on the backside let them know that we were definately in charge.

Different things work for different kids. Mostly face slapping is a humilation technique. There are very few reasons why a child would need to be humilated as part of discipline (that whole foul, smart mouth one is likely a good reason).

 

[Spinach]

In extreme situations - yes. Depending on the competency and compassion of the mother - yes.

My mother slapped me in the mouth and face when I was 16 years old. I used profanity at her. I thought I was big and bad and her peer. I did it for shock value and to be cruel to her. She got the point across to me effectively and quickly that I was WAY out of line.

It didn't damage me at all. And I respected her for it if that makes any sense.

I have a similar story. I was 16 also and was mouthing off. She was inconsistent with chores and I called her out on it. The thing is, it wasn't just the expression of an opinion. It was relentless mouthing. I finally got a backhand to the mouth and it stopped me in my tracks. I don't think I ever backtalked after that.

At this point I have no intention of slapping my children on the mouth, but I make no promises.

 

[blackbird]

I was never hit in the head by my parents----my momma, though---when she was spanking---I would cover my head with my hands and arms----ummmmmmm-JUST IN CASE-see, momma had a tendency to "Miss"---belts swinging wildly--aimed at the rear end but always at the risk of missin' the mark

 

[jaigner]

Thank you for your responses. Here is my take.

Spanking is one thing. If it is a dispassionate, level-headed method of teaching consequence, then, used sparingly as possible, it can be beneficial.

Slapping is a different issue entirely. It is a dehumanizing and humiliating method of putting a child in his or her place. It's less of a consequence and more of a behavioral control mechanism that treats the symptoms of an underlying problem. When my mom hit me, my reaction (as a repressed, struggling 8-year-old) was, "You can't hit me in the face." She replied, "Oh yes, I can. I'm getting at the root of the behavior."

We must know that the mouth isn't the root of the behavior. What comes out of the mouth in that situation is merely overflow.

So In the short term, it may achieve the desired result, but in the long term, it teaches that, when all else fails, physical intimidation and humiliation is a viable choice.

 

[Gina B]

...it teaches that, when all else fails, physical intimidation and humiliation is a viable choice.

Why is that a problem? If everything else has failed, do you just give up?

I say we should have public lashings.

Pain and humiliation can work wonders on repeat offenders that are old enough for such punishment or that commit sins/crimes that would warrant drastic action.

Do it when they're younger and avoid behavior later that will land them in jail.

Anyone who disagrees with this needs to go teach an inner city high school class then come back and say your opinion hasn't changed, because then you'll be credible. The latest and greatest: there's been a sexual harassment case, unconcealed drugs on a student, one threat that "my dad will bring in a gun" and one "I will bring in a gun and shoot you" and today a threat of physical violence was directed at me by a 5' 10" teen boy (I'm 5' 1 1/2") who flipped out when I asked him to quit throwing paper. Not too long ago a student was shot in front of his home, speculation says gang related.

So yeah. Once things reach a certain point, bring on the pain and humiliation! Maybe, just maybe, such treatment will cause them to look at their lives and reflect on the choices they make and if they're worth the consequences.

There are PLENTY of people who don't give a rip if the consequence of an action is that you take away a privilege or tell them you're disappointed or whatever happens and you can't do that with adults. Adults who do stupid things go to jail. We're trying to raise adults, not kids, so they need to be taught and taught well. If there's a severe problem that calls for pain and humiliation, that doesn't mean you don't also get to the root of the problem. But getting to the root doesn't negate punishment, harsh punishment that will get their attention.