Pastor's wife. Calling or not?

[Sapper Woody]

I wanted to respond to another thread, but knew it would derail it. So I started this one.

I've heard a lot of people talk about women who were called to be a pastor's wife. I personally disagree. I believe a woman can be called to be a wife, but not a pastor's wife, missionary's wife, etc.

My main objection is this: a woman is called to be a pastor's wife, and marries someone who is a pastor in training. He e eventually pastors for a few years, then feels God's call to go into evangelism or the mission field. What is she to do then? "Sorry, I'm called to be a Pastor's wife, so I have to leave you."

Now, don't get me wrong. It takes a special woman to be a pastor's wife. I believe when God calls a pastor, He is calling the couple. I believe that God can change his calling to the couple mid-ministry. I am not talking about that.

I am speaking specifically about young unmarried girls who make the statement, "I am called to be a pastor's (evangelist's, missionary's, etc) wife, without even knowing who her future husband is. If you are truly called to be a pastor's wife, what happens when/if your husband's calling changes?

 

[sag38]

My wife felt called long before she ever met me so she would beg to differ with your "OPINION." You can disagree all you want but that is her testimony and experience.

 

[Scarlett O.]

All I can give you is my opinion.

I believe that God equips a woman who is a pastor's wife with certain abilities to be a tremendous strength for him. Does she always receive these traits gladly or use them effectively?

No.

Sometimes she, even in wanting to please God, thinks she has to create her own job description as pastor's wife and unfortunately, sometimes the church think that THEY have to create a literal job description for her. Neither work unless God's will for her personal life is taken into account first and foremost.

I personally believe there is no generic job description for a pastor's wife. It's not a static occupation.

She is his wife. His "help" (ezar). This literally means his "succor", his "protective relief". She is his help that is "meet" (kenegdo). This literally mean his "counterpart opposite in nature from him."

She, along with the wives of policemen, mailmen, deacons, missionaries, and game wardens, act in this way.

Think of the wife and the husband as hands. On the right hand – your thumb is on the left and vice versa for the left hand. Opposite in make-up, but not in worth, strength, or any other way. If you tried to use a rake or hoe or shovel with only one hand - it's very difficult. But when you hold a hoe or shovel rake with TWO hands - opposite in nature, because your thumbs are on opposite places on opposite hands, they both lie on top of the shovel and make for a stronger force of impact and thrust when working. The husband and the wife are opposite in make-up and have differing strengths, but they come together to make a very strong force together for the LORD's sake.

That's what should be considered in calling a pastor. Do he and his wife - in whatever regard God is calling them (together) and him (alone) and her (alone) - act as a powerful and singular unit?

Whatever her gifts and talents are and whatever his are don't necessarily have to match. No one should be telling her what roles she should play in the church - that's God's business.

 

[Sapper Woody]

My wife felt called long before she ever met me so she would beg to differ with your "OPINION." You can disagree all you want but that is her testimony and experience.

I am not trying to demean anyone and I am glad it worked out for you and her. But if her calling is to be a pastor's wife, and she felt that call before she met you, than that means that this is her call regardless of you. What happens if you feel a different call? Since her call was before you, then her call would still stand. How can one stay true to the calling of being a pastor's wife, when married to a man who isn't a pastor?

 

[padredurand]

That's what should be considered in calling a pastor. Do he and his wife - in whatever regard God is calling them (together) and him (alone) and her (alone) - act as a powerful and singular unit?

Thanks for dropping by Miss Scarlett. Always a pleasure to read your words of wisdom. You do pretty good for a girl. :tongue3:

And He answered and said, "Have you not read, that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, 'FOR THIS CAUSE A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND SHALL CLEAVE TO HIS WIFE; AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'? "Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
Matthew 19:4-6 NAS77

God would never do anything to contradict His Word. From the first wedding to this present day God joins together a boy and a girl and then blurs the distinction between the two. Two lives but only one life to live. God won't call the husband and leave the wife behind. He won't call the wife without a wonderful plan for the husband.

As Scarlett asked, "Do he and his wife - in whatever regard God is calling them (together) and him (alone) and her (alone) - act as a powerful and singular unit?" If the answer is No then both of them need to spend considerable time in prayer concerning the perception of a call of God on their singular life.

 

[annsni]

I was not called to be a pastor's wife but I was called to be my husband's wife and I knew that someday he would be called to be a pastor. While he was a computer engineer, I was a computer engineer's wife and I did all that I could do to support him and enable him to do his job as well as possible. When he was an entrepreneur, I did all that I could do to help him do this job to the best of his ability. Then when he was called to the ministry, I said "Now I get it!" and support him as best I can so he can do the best he can. If God called him tomorrow to do something else, my job is to be his helper and I will do that to the best of my ability. So far it's been an exciting ride!

 

[saturneptune]

I am not trying to demean anyone and I am glad it worked out for you and her. But if her calling is to be a pastor's wife, and she felt that call before she met you, than that means that this is her call regardless of you. What happens if you feel a different call? Since her call was before you, then her call would still stand. How can one stay true to the calling of being a pastor's wife, when married to a man who isn't a pastor?

You are totally wrong, but you are consistently wrong. That is a positive. The phrase "I am glad it worked out for you" shows a total lack of Scriptural understanding. Things do not "work themselves out." In the case of a Christian married couple, the marriage partner, the occupation, and every other aspect of their lives was planned by Him from eternity past.

What gives you the idea that a wife of a pastor is a calling for an entire lifetime? If the husband who is the pastor feels God leading him to be a missionary from day x forward, then that is God's plan, his service to Him, and since he and his wife are one, hers also. From the day he is called to be a missionary, she is called to be there by his side.

 

[salzer mtn]

I wanted to respond to another thread, but knew it would derail it. So I started this one.

I've heard a lot of people talk about women who were called to be a pastor's wife. I personally disagree. I believe a woman can be called to be a wife, but not a pastor's wife, missionary's wife, etc.

My main objection is this: a woman is called to be a pastor's wife, and marries someone who is a pastor in training. He e eventually pastors for a few years, then feels God's call to go into evangelism or the mission field. What is she to do then? "Sorry, I'm called to be a Pastor's wife, so I have to leave you."

Now, don't get me wrong. It takes a special woman to be a pastor's wife. I believe when God calls a pastor, He is calling the couple. I believe that God can change his calling to the couple mid-ministry. I am not talking about that.

I am speaking specifically about young unmarried girls who make the statement, "I am called to be a pastor's (evangelist's, missionary's, etc) wife, without even knowing who her future husband is. If you are truly called to be a pastor's wife, what happens when/if your husband's calling changes?

I think a good example of how I believe is found in the lives of Billy and Ruth Graham. He took up the mantle of what God called him to do and she was his encouragement know doubt, but her calling was to be HIS WIFE.

 

[Revmitchell]

MY wife would tell you that you do not know what you are talking about.

 

[Revmitchell]

I am speaking specifically about young unmarried girls who make the statement, "I am called to be a pastor's (evangelist's, missionary's, etc) wife, without even knowing who her future husband is. If you are truly called to be a pastor's wife, what happens when/if your husband's calling changes?

What would happen is that God would move them in the same direction at the same time. If God is going to move one of them do you not believe He can move them both.

 

[Inspector Javert]

I wanted to respond to another thread, but knew it would derail it. So I started this one.

I've heard a lot of people talk about women who were called to be a pastor's wife. I personally disagree. I believe a woman can be called to be a wife, but not a pastor's wife, missionary's wife, etc.

My main objection is this: a woman is called to be a pastor's wife, and marries someone who is a pastor in training. He e eventually pastors for a few years, then feels God's call to go into evangelism or the mission field. What is she to do then? "Sorry, I'm called to be a Pastor's wife, so I have to leave you."

Now, don't get me wrong. It takes a special woman to be a pastor's wife. I believe when God calls a pastor, He is calling the couple. I believe that God can change his calling to the couple mid-ministry. I am not talking about that.

I am speaking specifically about young unmarried girls who make the statement, "I am called to be a pastor's (evangelist's, missionary's, etc) wife, without even knowing who her future husband is. If you are truly called to be a pastor's wife, what happens when/if your husband's calling changes?

Agreed Sapper; I believe you are correct. I believe a common source of that notion is that at least sub-consciously (often in "Fundamentalist" Churches) pastors and pastoral staff are perceived as ipso-facto the ultimate and elite Christians with the highest possible calling. Well-meaning girls (I think) often desiring the "best" and "greatest" and "highest" calling tend to assume (sub-consciously) that it is somehow slightly a "lesser" calling to be the wife of a plumber or banker.

I think Ann summed it up perfectly: She was called to be her husband's help-meet and wife........period.

 

[abcgrad94]

I was just called to be the wife. Dh was not a pastor when we married. That happened later, and I fought it tooth and nail before God changed my heart.

I think too many people view the "pastor's wife" as a POSITION in the church. It's not a position or an office she holds. She is a person, not a position. Her job is to care for her husband and home the same as any other wife.

Being raised IFB, I had a distorted image of what a pastor's wife was to be. Another poster already pointed this out, that girls are taught pastor's wives are on some superior holy plain above others, like it's the highest calling and they are to be Mrs. Pastor to lead the women in the church the way the pastor leads the men.

I've found that healthy churches outside the IFBX realm do NOT want the pastor's wife to be like this. They think she is snobbish or controlling, and want her to be just like the other wives in the church. This came as quite a shock for me when the two different ideals collided!

Point is, pastors and their wives and missionaries and their wives are people the same as everyone else. They have the same needs, emotions, etc.

 

[JonC]

I wanted to respond to another thread, but knew it would derail it. So I started this one.

I've heard a lot of people talk about women who were called to be a pastor's wife. I personally disagree. I believe a woman can be called to be a wife, but not a pastor's wife, missionary's wife, etc.

My main objection is this: a woman is called to be a pastor's wife, and marries someone who is a pastor in training. He e eventually pastors for a few years, then feels God's call to go into evangelism or the mission field. What is she to do then? "Sorry, I'm called to be a Pastor's wife, so I have to leave you."

Now, don't get me wrong. It takes a special woman to be a pastor's wife. I believe when God calls a pastor, He is calling the couple. I believe that God can change his calling to the couple mid-ministry. I am not talking about that.

I am speaking specifically about young unmarried girls who make the statement, "I am called to be a pastor's (evangelist's, missionary's, etc) wife, without even knowing who her future husband is. If you are truly called to be a pastor's wife, what happens when/if your husband's calling changes?

There is a consistency in Scripture. When we feel called to do something contrary to the Word of God, then it is not God doing the calling.

 

[annsni]

What would happen is that God would move them in the same direction at the same time. If God is going to move one of them do you not believe He can move them both.

That's what I believe He does.

 

[Sapper Woody]

What gives you the idea that a wife of a pastor is a calling for an entire lifetime? If the husband who is the pastor feels God leading him to be a missionary from day x forward, then that is God's plan, his service to Him, and since he and his wife are one, hers also. From the day he is called to be a missionary, she is called to be there by his side.

I am glad to see that you agree with me, even though you're trying to disagree. But what you are saying is that a husband and wife's callings are intertwined. And that is exactly what I am saying. Which is why I don't believe we should have young girls proclaiming that God is calling them to be a Pastor's wife. Rather, I believe they should strive to be Godly young women who can help out their husband, regardless of his calling.

 

[saturneptune]

I am glad to see that you agree with me, even though you're trying to disagree. But what you are saying is that a husband and wife's callings are intertwined. And that is exactly what I am saying. Which is why I don't believe we should have young girls proclaiming that God is calling them to be a Pastor's wife. Rather, I believe they should strive to be Godly young women who can help out their husband, regardless of his calling.

Maybe it was worded incorrectly. I believe a Christian marriage puts two Christians together as one in all aspects under the Lordship of Jesus Christ, and both will follow Him together in His plan for their lives, whether it is pastor or the first couple on Mars.

 

[salzer mtn]

I think a good example of how I believe is found in the lives of Billy and Ruth Graham. He took up the mantle of what God called him to do and she was his encouragement know doubt, but her calling was to be HIS WIFE.

MY wife would tell you that you do not know what you are talking about.

You can tell your wife for me she don't know what she is talking about.

 

[go2church]

I've heard of this type of thing, might it be that she feels called to ministry but is confined by a system which doesn't allow women to do such things, so she is looking for an "allowable" avenue to serve?

 

[jaigner]

I've heard of this type of thing, might it be that she feels called to ministry but is confined by a system which doesn't allow women to do such things, so she is looking for an "allowable" avenue to serve?

YES!!! I don't for a minute pretend to know what God places in anyone's heart, but I would imagine this is the case.

 

[Judith]

There is no scriptural support for a woman being called to be a Pastors wife. She has her instructions in Eph as to how to be a wife towards a husband and that is all she is called to biblically.