Featured Question about divorce

I agree. In fact, someplace in the BB rules it either states or implies this is not a forum for professional advice, such as how to heal a marriage or relationship. It falls under the same catagory as giving medical advice and harm coming to the person who asked.

 

The Internet is no place to air these things. Judging from what is written above, history seems to be repeating itself. You both need to mature a bit, but to answer your question: Yes, until he remarries, you are married in God's eyes. (Unspecified nature of "abuse" notwithstanding.)

Here's my advice:

1. Forget about marriage. Cut off all contact with this boy and resolve to live life single for the rest of your life if you must.

2. Focus on Christ and His kingdom. Use your "singleness" to devote to teaching children and serving other women in need.

3. Make this situation a matter of prayer and fasting, (God may have you wait years). Go to your father or uncle or older brother (whether or not they're godly) and start asking them the questions about the Bible that you're asking strangers on the Internet. If that sounds too strange, find a godly elderly woman in which to confide. Don't ask other men, because you'll fall in love with them.

4. Christ can heal your marriage. He can create new hearts and renew right spirits within people. You and the boy both need a bit of that. If God does so, praise Him. If God chooses to end your marriage by the boys remarriage to another, resolve never to marry another person unless both sets of parents/guardians are really for the marriage. I don't care if you're 50 years old.

That's my advice. Follow it or not.

 

The advice is very well worded, better than I could do. I hope that she takes your advice, and totally ignores the other poster. Thanks for the post.

 

I revisited you original post and began thinking out loud....

 

It is hard to even know where to begin in addressing your situation, as you have many different "factors" to deal with.

Someone already mentioned that "a leopard doesn't change its spots" - That is very true - when it comes to changing by our own power. But with God, all things are possible. After all, genuine salvation is by and of God only, because we cannot do it ourselves. God CAN change a person - BUT -

WE are known by our fruits - what fruits of abiding in Christ as the True Vine does his life show? Far too many people make "professions of faith" that are not genuine salvation testimonies. Some make a profession to get their way, or to get people off their backs - while others make professions based on a feeling or a desire, but never really turn over 100% of their faith and trust to Him.

I am trying to figure out where the "biblical grounds for divorce" is - The only grounds I can find in God's Word are sexual immorality (most obvious - adultery), and abandonment. But under no circumstances did Christ give grounds for remarriage. Indeed, He clearly said that if someone is divorced any other relationship/marriage is adultery - except for remarriage to your original spouse.

And no, I am not trying to be heartless in saying anyone should put up with an abusive relationship (not that it matters much - but was this physical, emotional, or verbal abuse?). Anyone willing to dish out abuse in any form to his wife (or wife to her husband) has serious spiritual problems - as wives are commanded to love and obey (not the slave-like obey that some like to try to make this) their husbands, and husbands are to love their wives with the same kind of love that Christ loves the Church with - one that is willing to give His life for. That doesn't sound like the love of an abuser... but that again is another issue to deal with.

I also am concerned - you said that your ex husband is "living with someone" - again - is that a picture of Christian fruit, or ongoing rebellion against God?

I believe the first order of business is to pray about it - that the Lord would give you understanding and wisdom, as well as discernment. That you would not just act upon your emotions (the #1 downfall of abused women - they allow their emotional attachment override their survival instinct in abusive relationships).

If he is willing to attend church with you, with no strings or relational baggage, then I would go that route. Also, do you have a pastor or pastoral staff that can counsel with you?

Further - if there is ANY chance at all of this relationship being restored - you need a close Christian friend that hold you accountable.