Question about God's will for marriage.

[Jordan Kurecki]

Is it possible that it would be God's will for you to marry someone, yet to have the parents of the potential spoise not agree or have peace about it?

I know that Parents, more specifically the father, has authority over their daughter, I think of the biblical example in Genesis of Rebekahs father giving her away to Isaac.

What are you're thoughts?

 

[padredurand]

Is it possible that it would be God's will for you to marry someone, yet to have the parents of the potential spoise not agree or have peace about it?

I know that Parents, more specifically the father, has authority over their daughter, I think of the biblical example in Genesis of Rebekahs father giving her away to Isaac.

What are you're thoughts?

For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24 NAS77

The father's authority over his daughter extends until she leaves her household and cleaves to her husband. That goes for you too. My wife advised all our children to marry orphans.

 

[North Carolina Tentmaker]

Short answer – Yes. Longer answer – I would be real careful about that.

The doctrine of the priesthood of every believer is a distinct teaching of Protestantism and is taught by every Baptist church I know. It is supported by many scriptures, but you might look first to I Pet 2:9, Rev 5:10, and I Tim 2:5. The bottom line is that you have direct access to God through prayer and he has direct access to you through the Holy Spirit. God does not reveal his will for you to your parents, spouse, or pastor. He reveals it to you! A woman may be under her father’s authority if she is still a child and still lives at home. She may be under her husband’s authority after she is married. But neither her father nor her husband can know God’s will for her life. God will reveal that to her alone.

That being said, parents, pastors, teachers, spouses, and others in our lives can be sources of wisdom and information we would be wise to listen to. If the parents of the potential spouse do not agree or have peace, then why don’t they? What is wrong with this relationship and what can be done to fix it?

When I asked my then future wife’s father for his blessing I asked for his blessing, not his permission, for I was convinced she was God’s will for me. I would have married her with our without his permission. Yet if his answer had been no, my response would not have been to run off and get married anyway. It would have been to ask him what I needed to do to earn his confidence and blessing, and then try to do whatever it took.

Yes, it could be God’s will and the parents not have peace, but be careful before you disregard their wisdom. God may well be speaking through them.

 

[Yeshua1]

Short answer – Yes. Longer answer – I would be real careful about that.

The doctrine of the priesthood of every believer is a distinct teaching of Protestantism and is taught by every Baptist church I know. It is supported by many scriptures, but you might look first to I Pet 2:9, Rev 5:10, and I Tim 2:5. The bottom line is that you have direct access to God through prayer and he has direct access to you through the Holy Spirit. God does not reveal his will for you to your parents, spouse, or pastor. He reveals it to you! A woman may be under her father’s authority if she is still a child and still lives at home. She may be under her husband’s authority after she is married. But neither her father nor her husband can know God’s will for her life. God will reveal that to her alone.

That being said, parents, pastors, teachers, spouses, and others in our lives can be sources of wisdom and information we would be wise to listen to. If the parents of the potential spouse do not agree or have peace, then why don’t they? What is wrong with this relationship and what can be done to fix it?

When I asked my then future wife’s father for his blessing I asked for his blessing, not his permission, for I was convinced she was God’s will for me. I would have married her with our without his permission. Yet if his answer had been no, my response would not have been to run off and get married anyway. It would have been to ask him what I needed to do to earn his confidence and blessing, and then try to do whatever it took.

Yes, it could be God’s will and the parents not have peace, but be careful before you disregard their wisdom. God may well be speaking through them.

yes, can be the Will of God to have you marry another even when parents are against it, for they might not like your church, not be saved, or thought their child would marry someone 'different!"

 

[Scarlett O.]

Is it possible that it would be God's will for you to marry someone, yet to have the parents of the potential spoise not agree or have peace about it?

I know that Parents, more specifically the father, has authority over their daughter, I think of the biblical example in Genesis of Rebekahs father giving her away to Isaac.

What are you're thoughts?

Hi, Jordan -

Abraham told his messenger that finding a wife for Isaac was ultimately up to the girl. He said, "If she is unwilling to go with you, you are free from this promise of finding a wife from back home."

It was actually Rebekah's brother, Laban who did most of the talking with Abraham's messenger. But both her father and brother admitted that they had no say so in the matter as this appeared to be the will of God.

They told the messenger that they were willing to have her marry Isaac in order to follow the will of God.

They also asked Rebekah what she wanted to do and she said that she would go with the messenger.

A couple wants to marry - if they are of legal age - they do not need permission from anyone.

However, the wisdom of the parents and any other long-married couple should be sought out. If the parents object, the young couple needs to dig more deeply into why they object. Perhaps there are mitigating factors that the young people have never even considered or planned for.

Parents and other married couples with much life experience could be a literal life-saver in guiding a young couple as to when to marry, why to marry or if to marry this person at all.

But there has to come a time when a young man and young woman clip the apron-strings (but never the heart strings!!) and if they both can truly discern that the marriage and the timing is the will of God, then they should not worry about pleasing everyone else, but pleasing God. And discerning that marrying someone against the will of your family and her family is truly God's will - well, that answer can only come from seeking God in knee-callousing prayer.

 

[Yeshua1]

Hi, Jordan -

Abraham told his messenger that finding a wife for Isaac was ultimately up to the girl. He said, "If she is unwilling to go with you, you are free from this promise of finding a wife from back home."

It was actually Rebekah's brother, Laban who did most of the talking with Abraham's messenger. But both her father and brother admitted that they had no say so in the matter as this appeared to be the will of God.

They told the messenger that they were willing to have her marry Isaac in order to follow the will of God.

They also asked Rebekah what she wanted to do and she said that she would go with the messenger.

A couple wants to marry - if they are of legal age - they do not need permission from anyone.

However, the wisdom of the parents and any other long-married couple should be sought out. If the parents object, the young couple needs to dig more deeply into why they object. Perhaps there are mitigating factors that the young people have never even considered or planned for.

Parents and other married couples with much life experience could be a literal life-saver in guiding a young couple as to when to marry, why to marry or if to marry this person at all.

But there has to come a time when a young man and young woman clip the apron-strings (but never the heart strings!!) and if they both can truly discern that the marriage and the timing is the will of God, then they should not worry about pleasing everyone else, but pleasing God. And discerning that marrying someone against the will of your family and her family is truly God's will - well, that answer can only come from seeking God in knee-callousing prayer.

Sometimes the objections though are based upon racial/ethnic prejudices, or being against certain christian churches, and thse are not valid reasons!

 

[annsni]

We have had this happen and I know my husband won't marry a couple without the parents' blessing. We haven't dealt with a situation yet where the parents have been unreasonable but if there were, we'd address that and try to resolve it.

 

[agedman]

Is it possible that it would be God's will for you to marry someone, yet to have the parents of the potential spoise not agree or have peace about it?

I know that Parents, more specifically the father, has authority over their daughter, I think of the biblical example in Genesis of Rebekahs father giving her away to Isaac.

What are you're thoughts?

Until the father (or authority figure) of the girl is agreeable to the marriage, then it is unacceptable to go against their wishes.

Sad as it may seem, that is what is right both by the honor of parents and the tradition of the marriage bargain given by Scriptural example.

One does not steal the girl from authority and expect to have any real standing of authority over their own home.

In this situation, it is always best to meet with the parent(s), discuss the situation and discern the problem. If no agreement can be reached - walk away. As hard as it may be, and heartache is all to real, it is best to walk away.

 

[Yeshua1]

Until the father (or authority figure) of the girl is agreeable to the marriage, then it is unacceptable to go against their wishes.

Sad as it may seem, that is what is right both by the honor of parents and the tradition of the marriage bargain given by Scriptural example.

One does not steal the girl from authority and expect to have any real standing of authority over their own home.

In this situation, it is always best to meet with the parent(s), discuss the situation and discern the problem. If no agreement can be reached - walk away. As hard as it may be, and heartache is all to real, it is best to walk away.

the father CANNOT approve/deny the marriage if it is the very Will of God for them to wed, for many times the father reasons were not even biblical, and the Lord brought them 2 together to become one flesh, and to cleave to each other, and seperate from parents then!

IF the reasons the father does not want to give his approval are legit, such as person not saved, is a bad influence, cannot provide for himself etc, but many times just disagree on who they are, wrog church, not christian enough, wrong part of time, doesn't look right etc!

 

[Aaron]

I know several couples who can trace bitter disputes back to marrying against the wishes of the parents. Parents can see things you can't. But even if the parent is serving himself in the prohibition, God's command is to honor father and mother.

It doesn't mean dump your loved one. It means wait.

I know of no divorced couple who had the full blessing of both sets of parents.

 

[Yeshua1]

I know several couples who can trace bitter disputes back to marrying against the wishes of the parents. Parents can see things you can't. But even if the parent is serving himself in the prohibition, God's command is to honor father and mother.

It doesn't mean dump your loved one. It means wait.

I know of no divorced couple who had the full blessing of both sets of parents.

That might all be true, but are you saying with that the couple can NEVER marry without formal approval from the father?

thatwould make Him equal to God then, correct?

And isn't that more of the OT sense and structure of how the family unit was to oeprate then?

 

[Aaron]

Your question is, when is okay to say unto your father and mother, it is corban.

How about asking how one can honor mother and father in the union? It's one of the Big Ten, and is the first one with a promise of blessing.

 

[annsni]

One example that is perfect for this situation is a couple that wanted to marry and her father would not give his blessing. Pastor met with dad and dad just didn't want this marriage to happen. He didn't have really valid reasons but didn't want it. Pastor told children to pray that God would change dad's heart and He did - 2 long years later. Dad walked daughter down the aisle and was a blessing in their lives for the rest of his life. Had they disregarded him, there would have been strife and strain in the marriage and family. God blessed them greatly and the dad later was saved and the husband is now one of our deacons.

 

[Jordan Kurecki]

Thank you all for your input. I have decided that parental blessing/approval is the best way to go.

 

[Sapper Woody]

Your question is, when is okay to say unto your father and mother, it is corban.

How about asking how one can honor mother and father in the union? It's one of the Big Ten, and is the first one with a promise of blessing.

Honoring someone's wishes, and honoring the person, are two different things. My wife and I got married without my in laws blessing. They hated me. That was 8 years and 3 kids ago, and we're still going strong. Now my in laws love me and admit that they were wrong.

I knew it was God's will and so did she. Our pastor was OK with us getting married. My parents were OK with us getting married. The only thing my in laws had against me was my past.

 

[Aaron]

I'm sure they felt honored to be disregarded. When it's time for one of yours to marry, and you aren't all excited about it (and it will be because you want the best for him or her) you won't have a testimony like the ones of whom Anne told us. On the contrary you have provided every reason for them to marginalize, if not completely disregard, your counsel. The first thing you will hear out of their mouths will be, well Grandma and Grandpa hated you, and you didn't do too bad (assuming things continue to go well with you.)

I've been married three times as long as you, and there is no one I know who will say what you have just said. Marrying against parents' wishes is, at best, unadvisable.

 

[Sapper Woody]

I'm sure they felt honored to be disregarded.

.
It doesn't matter how they felt. Even if they felt dishonored, and I didn't honor their wishes, we still honored them and sought to bring them into our relationship. I went to her dad in person and asked what had to be done to reconcile us. He said there was nothing I could do. So I told him I was going to marry his daughter without his blessing.

When it's time for one of yours to marry, and you aren't all excited about it (and it will be because you want the best for him or her) you won't have a testimony like the ones of whom Anne told us. On the contrary you have provided every reason for them to marginalize, if not completely disregard, your counsel. The first thing you will hear out of their mouths will be, well Grandma and Grandpa hated you, and you didn't do too bad (assuming things continue to go well with you.)

And they'll have no leg to stand on when I describe the dysfunctional state of my in laws marriage at the time.

I've been married three times as long as you,

Irrelevant boasting.

and there is no one I know who will say what you have just said. Marrying against parents' wishes is, at best, unadvisable.

Unadvisable? Yes. But not always unavoidable.

As to a previous claim you've made about not knowing of any divorced couple who had the parents full support and blessing, I can name three. One of them being my in law's other daughter and ex.
.

 

[Aaron]

K.......................

 

[Sapper Woody]

K.......................

That's how you discuss things? Take an entire post and indignify it with "k........."? There's a reason you have to have a minimum number of characters to post. It's not so you put periods after one letter. It's to encourage actual discussion.

And I have answered your claims. I'd appreciate an actual thought out response.

 

[nodak]

Girls should not be getting married. Neither should boys.

But grown women and grown men are no longer under their parents' authority. As such they can decide who to marry for themselves.

The wise ones will listen to the parents, discern if the advice given is Godly or selfish, and proceed accordingly.

And yep, you as an adult can honor your parents without obeying them.

The idea women are under dear old dad's authority until she marries--haven't found that in my Bible yet.