Question about God's will for marriage.

[Jordan Kurecki]

My parents speak to this OP!

Mother raised in a strict Weslyan home, no cards/dancing/dress to the ground etc, and Father had her reservedfor just a pastor/Missionary to come...

father met her in the hospital, recovering from near fatal car accident, and she was a vol nurse...

he was 30, she 19, and so they met for next couple of years when she went to town to get groceries for the family, taking in a local movie/ice cream parlor etc..

Also had common friend pass love letters back and forth...

Her Father found out, and forbid them to EVER see each other again, so they went off and eloped in middle of the night!

He was ahrad working GM foreman, who did not claim to be saved by God until end of His life, yet the Lord had them together 38 years, and raisinf their family, so He did seem to have a plan and purpose in all of this happening!

in the end, my father was saved by grace of God, my mother reconfirmed, and my grandparents thought she had made the right choice in a Guy neither were thrilled about at first!

Also I do not think it is wise for a decision like this to be made based on the experiences of others or even ourselves. Peter saw Jesus transfigured and he still wrote in one of his epistles that we "Have a more sure word of prophecy." He was saying that the bible is authority and not experiences.

Give me some scripture for this problem!

 

[Yeshua1]

Also I do not think it is wise for a decision like this to be made based on the experiences of others or even ourselves. Peter saw Jesus transfigured and he still wrote in one of his epistles that we "Have a more sure word of prophecy." He was saying that the bible is authority and not experiences.

Give me some scripture for this problem!

Think that waiting upon the Lord is almost always best thing to do, and to seek approval of the father is best generally, and to have God work it all out as per Romans 8!

My main point of contention is the assuming that the father will always give support and approval, as know that there are times when they will not, at least not for biblical reasons!

 

[sag38]

A grown Christian man nor a grown Christian woman needs his or her parents blessing nor permission to marry. Neither are under the authority of their parents any longer especially if they are not living under their parent's roof. To go against their wishes is not to dishonor them. A mom and dad should also honor the decision of their grown child. I do say this with a qualifier. I would not like the marriage of my son to an ungodly woman. I would not perform the ceremony if asked. However, I would do my best love his new wife, treat her with dignity and respect, and display to her the grace of Christ while praying for her salvation.

 

[Yeshua1]

A grown Christian man nor a grown Christian woman needs his or her parents blessing nor permission to marry. Neither are under the authority of their parents any longer especially if they are not living under their parent's roof. To go against their wishes is not to dishonor them. A mom and dad should also honor the decision of their grown child. I do say this with a qualifier. I would not like the marriage of my son to an ungodly woman. I would not perform the ceremony if asked. However, I would do my best love his new wife, treat her with dignity and respect, and display to her the grace of Christ while praying for her salvation.

isn't it true that in the ultimate sense, we as parents can encourage/suport/speak/coucil/rebuke etc, the two of them must make the decision for their lives together or not before God?

 

[Scarlett O.]

Also I do not think it is wise for a decision like this to be made based on the experiences of others or even ourselves. Peter saw Jesus transfigured and he still wrote in one of his epistles that we "Have a more sure word of prophecy." He was saying that the bible is authority and not experiences.

Give me some scripture for this problem!

I have three things to say, Jordan, and I'm about to shoot from the hip.

#1 What if you don't find a specific scripture telling you to marry with or without permission? How will you base your decision then? The reason I ask is because there isn't any scripture giving a command to have a parent's blessing/permission to marry.

And your friend? - Well, I would like to see that bible study of his that says that when people married without getting parental blessing it caused sin and hardship and those that married with the blessing didn't have hardship. Really, ask him if you can post it here.

I'm mean - really - Rebekah has her brother's (and father's) permission even though they said they had no choice, it was the Lord's will and look how that all turned out!!

We are commanded to honor our parents in the Lord. In other words, respect them always, revere them always, and as long as you live under their roof, and as they give you direction "in the Lord" and the Lord's commandments, obey them while living at home.

What if you aren't living at home and you are living independently? Then honoring your parents means giving them your undivided attention when they do try to give counsel - solicited or otherwise - and weigh it out. Their experiences make them wise - don't dismiss their advice just because we don't live at home and are making our own way in this world.

We don't dismiss our parents' counsel when we leave. You may heed it, or being independent and having "left" (the first part of leaving and cleaving), heed the Lord if His direction is otherwise.

Jordan, you aren't going to find scripture to satisfy you blindly in this area.
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#2. I've looked at your Facebook page trying to find something about you or your friends that this mother of this girl could use as justification of "not having any peace about you ever." I pretended to be her mother and to have NO PEACE about you and I tried to find something that she might find.

You just look and act like the typical 21-year-old young man as far I could see.

I need to say something that you've said you didn't want to hear. Yes, you are young. And so is this girl. With her being only 18 years old, her mother may not be at peace about ANY young man right now. It may not be you as an individual.

Pray for this woman. Write HER a letter and ask her to outline what it is about you that gives her pause. Tell her that you REALLY want to know what it is about you that troubles her so.
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#3 The odds are overwhelming that you will marry one day. Maybe this girl - maybe not.

But, one of the things about having a wonderful wife is getting the privilege of being a wonderful husband TO her. And ... for the woman you marry - vice versa.

Here's a link to good site for young people with lots of questions to ask themselves, "Am I Ready To Get Married". I think all people should go through these questions in self-inspection.

http://www.foryourmarriage.org/dating-engaged/frequently-asked-questions/

If you find yourself lacking in any of these areas, perhaps this is where the mother is not at peace.

 

[Jordan Kurecki]

I have three things to say, Jordan, and I'm about to shoot from the hip.

#1 What if you don't find a specific scripture telling you to marry with or without permission? How will you base your decision then? The reason I ask is because there isn't any scripture giving a command to have a parent's blessing/permission to marry.

And your friend? - Well, I would like to see that bible study of his that says that when people married without getting parental blessing it caused sin and hardship and those that married with the blessing didn't have hardship. Really, ask him if you can post it here.

I'm mean - really - Rebekah has her brother's (and father's) permission even though they said they had no choice, it was the Lord's will and look how that all turned out!!

We are commanded to honor our parents in the Lord. In other words, respect them always, revere them always, and as long as you live under their roof, and as they give you direction "in the Lord" and the Lord's commandments, obey them while living at home.

What if you aren't living at home and you are living independently? Then honoring your parents means giving them your undivided attention when they do try to give counsel - solicited or otherwise - and weigh it out. Their experiences make them wise - don't dismiss their advice just because we don't live at home and are making our own way in this world.

We don't dismiss our parents' counsel when we leave. You may heed it, or being independent and having "left" (the first part of leaving and cleaving), heed the Lord if His direction is otherwise.

Jordan, you aren't going to find scripture to satisfy you blindly in this area.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#2. I've looked at your Facebook page trying to find something about you or your friends that this mother of this girl could use as justification of "not having any peace about you ever." I pretended to be her mother and to have NO PEACE about you and I tried to find something that she might find.

You just look and act like the typical 21-year-old young man as far I could see.

I need to say something that you've said you didn't want to hear. Yes, you are young. And so is this girl. With her being only 18 years old, her mother may not be at peace about ANY young man right now. It may not be you as an individual.

Pray for this woman. Write HER a letter and ask her to outline what it is about you that gives her pause. Tell her that you REALLY want to know what it is about you that troubles her so.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#3 The odds are overwhelming that you will marry one day. Maybe this girl - maybe not.

But, one of the things about having a wonderful wife is getting the privilege of being a wonderful husband TO her. And ... for the woman you marry - vice versa.

Here's a link to good site for young people with lots of questions to ask themselves, "Am I Ready To Get Married". I think all people should go through these questions in self-inspection.

http://www.foryourmarriage.org/dating-engaged/frequently-asked-questions/

If you find yourself lacking in any of these areas, perhaps this is where the mother is not at peace.

Thank you I appreciate your help. :thumbs:

Why'd you link me to a Catholic website though?

 

[Scarlett O.]

Thank you I appreciate your help. :thumbs:

Why'd you link me to a Catholic website though?

I thought the questions to ask oneself were really good. I'm not Catholic and on that link they weren't proselytizing anyone.

 

[Jordan Kurecki]

I thought the questions to ask oneself were really good. I'm not Catholic and on that link they weren't proselytizing anyone.

They are some good questions. but Im a bit weary about taking marriage advice from being who probably aren't regenerated by the Holy Spirit.

 

[Aaron]

Sorry I should have typed that better. What I meant was we are only allowed to communicate by letter as per her parents wishes, My transferring to another school is another subject.lol.

Still, my encouragement to you is valid.

 

[Yeshua1]

They are some good questions. but Im a bit weary about taking marriage advice from being who probably aren't regenerated by the Holy Spirit.

That shows godly wisdom!

Would say that you might learn from a catholic site, but that would NOT be in theology and doctrines, but maybe in relationships and family, as their church is big on that...