question for pastors only

My grandfather often said to me when I was a teenager, "Behind every successful man is a successful wife." My wife encourages me a lot at home but she would tremble if I called on her to help me out by speaking and leading in the public eye. So in respect of her and upon her request I do not ask her to stand before people. However over the years "the judgmental" would make remarks to me or her that indicated they thought I did not respect her or dominated her, when quite the opposite is true. She will speak her mind to me in private but will keep quiet in public. She works in a job that requires a great deal of confidence. If a confidence were betrayed it would betray the person and the company. She has tight lips. She does not like being in the public but the way she treats people helps to give a lot of credibility to our ministry and she opens a lot of doors because of her quietness and sensitivity to others. There are a lot of things she does that people never know anything about and most wil probably not ever know. She has helped women in their marriages when it was difficult for them. Currently she meets with two ladies who are having difficult times. That is a ministry I could not begin to involve myself in. It is a ministry that must be kept quiet and protect the ladies.

There is ministry we do together and other ministries we do separate.

A pastor does not have to fully involved his wife in everything he does.

 

Perhaps in some sense this is true but certainly there is not a 1 for 1 relationship between the calling of Abraham and the calling of the local church pastor??

 

Every calling from God that I have ever had, from the call to work with youth, call to preach, and calls to a certain church or ministry, when I informed my wife of the call, her comment has always been the same, "I already knew that." Annsni is correct, at least from what I have experienced, that God has called my wife at the same time he has called me, if not sooner.

My wife has her ministry, seperate from mine, that she does very well. It is not anything that is very visible to the church, butt just as effective and of equal importance as mine.

Back to the OP. She should be able to talk with her husband about this or any other issue she has. If both are listening to God, he will not lead them in seperate directions.

 

I haven't read all the responses here, but here's my take:

1. The wife needs to communicate to her husband.
2. The wife needs to reevaluate her sense of satisfaction in Christ alone. It sounds like she might be seeking satisfaction elsewhere.
3. The wife should probably get involved with a mature pastor's wife from her circle of churches (or from another) that can help her work through these issues.
4. The wife needs to learn to be a safe place for the husband to fall. It is not her responsibility to have friends, etc. She is to help her husband.
5. The husband should prayerfully seek out advice as well. Why is it that there is no one in their church that she can fellowship with?
6. The husband should consider this a disciplemaking opportunity towards his wife.
7. Ultimately the wife needs to submit to the husband in accordance with God's word.

It is hard to give advice based on the few lines reported here. It is possible that there is much more to the story. But this couple needs to be under the care of a more mature pastor and his wife in the ministry.

 

Very well said and I agree. She can destroy in a short time what God is using him to build over a period of time. If she does not support him he will quickly resent her and see her as baggage and not a support for him.

 

Unfortunately too many churches think the pastor's wife will be just the person they need to_____________. Her primary ministry is to be to her husband and family. Churches need to learn to work if a pastor is there or not. Many churches have begun by the local people doing thew work not importing a person from somewhere else.

 

I see. I agree and I'm sure my wife would since she does not of those things Although she does plenty of other stuff to make her unuique contribution

 

I really feel for her. It is tragic the things that our wives must at times endure for the sake, not so much of genuine ministry, but because of the ugly things that churches are capable of doing people...

 

abc, the Bible says we husbands must love our wives as Christ loves the church...

Now, if a church is getting picked on, what do you think Jesus as the bridegroom will do? Vengence is mine saith the Lord.

Jesus sticks up for his bride.

This pastor should too... if someone is picking on his bride, he should love her enough to stand toe to toe with that person... or persons even if it is members in the church he pastors.

I am convince that if women knew their man loved them as much as Christ loves the church, submission would not be a problem... Women would submit to our every whim...

Why.. because we would never ask them to do anything that will hurt them or anything that is selfish on our part.. we would only be concerned about what would better them.

If this pastor loves his wife like Christ loves the church, he is going to want to hear the wife's problems... just like Christ wants to hear us...

He will also work to better the situation..

If she knows he loves her that much, and if he decides to stay, she should be willing to stay and trust her husband that he is doing what is best for her...

 

I am glad you shared what you did. She does need to tell her husband and he needs to listen to her. Some church members can be full of evil. I have seen it and delat with it. My wife and I dealt with tremendous evil in one church I pastored. One of the members packed a gun to church. One of the members sought to hit me after a sermon I gave. No doubt it spoke of him. Seeing how some of the members treated my wife continued to give me a dim view of them. My wife is full of kindness. So that told me a lot about them. That church was growing quite rapidly and today the church is on a serious decline that I doubt will not be stopped for many years. I expect it to return to less than it once was. There were numerous problems amongst themselves. Finally when I left it was amazing at how many people came by my house to tell me the problems they knew about over the years. Eventually I saws that God was doing me a favor. At that time we decided that we would work regular jobs and do ministry. The fact is that we have had more meaningful ministry and do not have to deal with the antagonists. We are reaching just as many if not more people today than we did then. We are reaching them in a deeper way. People do not treat me like I am paid but they know I work just like them. So when I ask them to come and do ministry with me the excuses are far less.

Your posting reminds me of a time when a friend of mine had been pastoring for many years as a Methodist and the congregation he was at did not like him. So the bishop gave the congregation what they wanted and moved my friend to a larger church that paid more and like my him. Some churches are unable to treat a pastor very well.