question regarding just cause for divorce

annsni,

You are comparing Paul's thorn in the flesh with sin. First off, Paul's thorn in the flesh was not sin. It was a messenger of satan who opposed him greatly. We are told later that Alexander the coppersmith did just that. But God's grace kept Paul during these oppositions.

Second... Jesus is not going to free you from a sin that you give over to Him only to allow it to remain in you. Uh-uh, ain't gonna happen.

If you are sorry for your sins and ask the Lord to take them away, why would He leave them?

 

Now there is a statement that truly has to be addressed.

When I read this post, the first impression I got was this

The thorn in the flesh is a trial that one goes through, not sin. Don't confuse the two.

 

Are you guys possibly confusing 'lust' with looking at a woman and thinking she's attractive? Here's how Webster's Dictionary defines lust:

intense sexual desire or appetite.

Now, I may be naive, but I don't think this is what you're referring to when you say that you lust. But, maybe it is.

Addiction to pornography is not just looking at a woman walking down the street and having thoughts.

The man with an addiction is seeking it out, it becomes his idol. He does it secretly and even when he's not looking at it, he's thinking about it. It consumes his life. He has to lie to hide it. I believe it is adultery simply because the same thought pattern, sneeking around and lying is involved. It replaces his wife. I can't imagine what it feels like to find out that your husband is involved in that.

I'm not saying that his wife should divorce him, only that she can according to the Bible. The sin would not be hers for divorcing, but his for causing it. It is her choice.

Even though God forgives us our sins, we will still suffer the consequences as long as we're in these earthly bodies.

 

So now we hold to the sin and form some sort of worldly club? Adulterers Anonymous?

Give me a break. If Christ set you free, you are free indeed. The label should not even be there..

 

Temptation is not sin. Jesus was tempted, yet without sin. But, the question was...does the wife have biblical justification for divorce. I believe the answer is yes. There is a lot more going on than just looking at dirty pictures (and it's not with another woman).

 

Sorry to jump in here, but I have just got to say that I do not believe whatsover that looking at pornography constitutes scriptural grounds for divorce. Even addiction to pornography is not scriptural grounds for divorce.

And I wish the OP God's blessings on getting your marriage back together again. 'Bye now.

 

Thank you Amy, this is quite a good description of what pornography can do to a man and his thoughts. Let me add a something else to your description that I have observed in the cases of this that I have seen firsthand. Eventually a man will begin to have to justify his behavior, usually when he thinks his wife is catching on. It'll get to where nothing she does is ever right or good enough. He'll accuse her of various things in order to excuse himself. This is what drives a wife away more than anything else. A person can't live with constant condemnation, even if it is not direct or verbal, but is only a general attitude.

I'm concerned here that some don't understand the true nature of pornography. It is far, far more than just looking at nudey shots or dirty pictures. It is an up close and intimate, graphic, living color, leaving absolutey nothing to the imagination, visual assault on a man's sexual being. This is not Playboy that we're talking about.

Pastor SBC, you and I usually agree. On this one we are going to have to disagree. When I read the OP, the first thought that came to mind was this man has gotten caught and now doesn't know what to do. Harsh, yes, but one must first recognize sin before it can be dealt with. It was only in later posts that it became clear that this issue was history and really had been dealt with. I'm not going to apologize for calling sin sin. If I have overgeneralized this man's issues or misunderstood what he was trying to say, then he is welcome to tell me and I will apologize.

Now that that is cleared up (hopefully), there are some things btstarcher needs to think about. He says this problem started within 6 months of his wedding. Oh my. They didn't have a good chance to get started well before Satan stuck his nose in. Btstarcher's wife didn't have much time to learn to trust him before she learn that she couldn't trust him.

Follow me here. She had 6 months of good followed by 3 years of bad. What time period do you think is going to make the biggest impression on her mind and peace of mind? BT even admitted that about 2 years ago, my description would have been accurate. Now he has worked on his problem since then, but like any addiction this one doesn't go away overnight. He thinks the problem is solved, but so long as the urge is there, even if he doesn't give into it, his wife is always going to fear that he will. It appears that this is what she can no longer live with(I can't say, I can only imagine). But I'm going to quote myself so that I'm sure BT (and Pastor SBC, who thinks I'm being way to harsh with him) have seen this:

In response to BT's last queston:

Is she addicted to her toy the same way you were addicted to the porn? If so, yes. Personally, I believe the only "toy" a woman or a man needs is their spouse!

 

You are right, we are going to have to agree to disagree. You are using your experience and situation as a model to judge this man and his situation and every other situation. That is not biblical and it is not healthy for anyone. What you proclaim as "calling sin sin" has been nothing more than proclaiming broad generalizations that have done nothing but cause frustration.

It would have been better to draw from your experience to encourage and help this man and his situation rather than throw out harsh generalizations that have not helped anyone.

 

And we run another one off. I hope he can find help somewhere.

 

Your naive. I am not confusing attraction with lust. Men and women are different and almost all guys strugle with lust. That would be looking at an attractive woman and desiring her. Or having her image stuck in your head.

Like I said, If this is a reason for divorce then almost all women are justified.

 

I agree that what you describe is not reason for divorce. I think porn addiction goes way farther than that though. Maybe you're naive!:laugh:

 

Shouldn't this thread be something discussed in a minister's office instead of a public internet forum? I'm not sure the BB is the right place to hash out issues that have the subject matter, depth, scope, consequences, and multiple perspectives this one has.

 

If on the BB at all, it should be in the private forums due to the nature of it.

 

Probably right guys. I'll bow out.

 

Don't get me wrong. I am on "your side" in this ... I don't mean against your wife or anyone else, but just praying your marriage will be healed. As the other poster said, this whole horrific experience can be the foundation for an even better marriage, with God's help. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Now, you are right that pornography is all around us, and here are my suggestions: Sell the TV and stay away from the mall. I have not owned a TV since the late 80s, precisely because I figured out it was an ungodly waste of time and a corrupting influence (This was the year Married with Children came on the air, but there is no direct connection!). I read books instead. I haven't been to a mall but twice in the last year. I save a lot of money by buying what I need from other outlets. You can have a good life without those things, and a much better life if you feel that they are undermining your desire to keep yourself unspotted from the world.

Obviously you need to treat your wife like a Christian whatever happens. But focusing on her unattractive qualities is undermining your desire to make your marriage work. I hae never been to marriage counselling, but I have heard one of the techniques is for the partners to sit facing each other and in turn each say one thing they like about the other. Then another thing, and another.

Edit to say: And look, since things are getting too graphic, I am saying goodbye. Again.