Mat_5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
Mat_19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
It is the misinterpretation of these verses that cause adulterous remarriages.
Most say that infidelity is an automatic divorce and quote them. Not so fast, stay in the Jewish context of the passages.
Deu_22:15 Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate:
Deu_22:17 And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city.
Like Romanian gypsies and other groups, the sheets or night gown of the bride is given to the girl's parents in the Jewish context or there is a parade down the street displaying the stains of the hymeneal blood to prove she was a virgin. In the case of of the Jews, if there was no blood, the contract is over for a breach of contract. Hence, Joseph's plan to putting her away quietly. Had it been considered adultery, she would have been stoned to death.
Many marriages have overcome infidelity and divorce should not be the default move. Israel committed spiritual adultery many times and even though God did say He divorced them once He took them back. Every sin we commit is an act of sleeping with the enemy or an act of adultery and we are pleased that God did not divorce us each time or say there is no coming back. Indeed, we when you add what sins of omission and commission we do daily we should all be toast.
Deu 24:1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.
3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;
4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.
It was the misuse of this passage that Jesus was speaking to when the question was asked. The Jews were dumping their wives for the slightest reason and then Jesus clarified the intent of the law so many in that day were adulterers as they did not divorce in the yes of the Lord or the true intent of the Law. Like many things, Jesus had to undo false teaching.
Paul teaches that a Christian may divorce and remarry if that person was married to an unbeliever and the believer walks away. The Christian is not allowed to walk away. He allows for a period of separation to work on the issue, but if a divorce happens for other reasons they are to remain celibate or reconcile with the spouse, not get married to another. Having seen the aftermath of divorce on people and often multiple divorces, it is wise to stay single. You just bring baggage into a relationship increasing the chances of failure. Indeed, if it was infidelity then you will freak out every time the person truly works late or is detained by traffic. You will have their car bugged or use some app that tracks them as you have trust issues. At first, the new spouse may be OK with it, but if he/she feel distrusted for too long they may become resentful and eventually want out of the relationship. Abused people often marry abusers again and again. They never heal because they just keep getting into wrong relationships. While there are marriages that survive, they are not an "anointed" or blessed marriage if the divorce was not biblical.
What about grace? Not making His kids pay for the actions of the devil's kids is grace. Trust me, I need His grace more than any of you as I am the Assistant Chief of Sinners. Still, God said that He hates "putting away" or divorce. I do believe that if you were divorced before you were saved, that old person is dead and you can legally remarry, but I would not strongly promote it. After all, I only get the story presented to me and that may not be a completely honest account or they are under wrong perceptions given by people who mean well, but are theologically impaired.
Fortunately, while the divorced woman could not return to her first husband after having been married to another man God will take us back as He did Israel when she married other gods. Hosea role played the relationship between God and Israel. Yet, knowing man better than man knows himself, God says the Christian should remain celibate if there is an unbiblical divorce. Indeed, if the part about not going back to the first husband had not put in I can see how "biblical" wife swapping would have happened. Today, we have "Christian" swingers who give the "Gospel" and then get down with it.
We need to be very careful, which is why I do not do weddings. I had a co-worker call me saying that the minister did not make could I come and do the service. Always wanting to be helpful, I did show up only later to find out I had married a pimp to one of his girls. I also found out at the last minute that I was going to be marrying a Buddhist to my "Christian" fellow soldier. I did that one in a chapel of a prominent university. I did both marriages as I would have done for a truly Christian couple so biblical truth was presented. I turned down doing the wedding of a friend's son because he had been divorced. I did not have all the details so I did not do it. I had been burned twice. I was not going for round three. Besides a woman in white who has been divorced one or more times freaks me out.
Indeed, the Church needs to get out of the marriage business. Before the Catholics made it a sacrament, as it is highly profitable, marriages were conducted between families. Let a JP do a service to get the government benefits. If possible let the two Dads do the ceremony and give a charge to the couple. Then the couple can come into the Sunday service and announce their marriage. That way we will not be asked to do a marriage between a dog and a woman and getting sued or jailed for not doing it.
Pastors and Churches are not mandated to do marriages and should stop and get back on mission.
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