Spiritual Abuse

[Berean]

http://www.watchman.org/profile/abusepro.htm

Here is an interesting piece posted in WARTBURG WATCH which I read with great interest having experience this more then once in my time. How often do we do this under the guise of "Preaching or Teaching the Word" or Defending the Faith. I had one experience of attempting to bring before the church several issues involving dishonesty of a staff member for which I was verbally attacked and shunned for some period of time by fellow believers.
After a period of time the charges were found to be true and the staff member resigned. The most interesting thing was when it was found to be the truth I had several fellow believers, some of those who had been the most vocal come up to me and say "We love you Bro _____" One of them has become one of my closes brothers. How ever not one of these people ever said they were wrong and were sorry for the attack.
Please read the above link before commenting.

 

[Pleasant_Bill]

Sorry you went through that.

Thanks for posting that link; very informative and true. I left a church for that very reason (Spiritual Abuse) and encountered similiar attitudes as you did.

As the congregation grew so did the ego of the Senior Pastor. Soon anyone on the Leadership Team or Finance Team that questioned anything was replaced by someone who 'trusted leadership' more. Eventually all accountability and transparency were gone, with Deacons not even being permitted to count the offerings each Sunday. The offering was placed in a locked box and taken right to the church office with a Sherriff's Deputy (hired each Sunday) to escort them.

There was also someone from the Security team tasked with shadowing the Pastor no matter where he went; including the bathroom. The Pastor had become so anti-social that he didn't want to talk to anyone in the congregation and actually became paranoid that someone might want to harm him.

 

[Tom Butler]

Bro. Bill,your profile says you are in transition regarding affiliation with any congregation. I'm curious. Is that related to your experience in the church you mentioned? Are you a little gun shy? Disillusioned? Just wondering if those things are connected.

 

[Scarlett O.]

From the article.....

Spiritual abuse has a devastating effect on people. A very high level of trust is often placed in spiritual leaders. It is, and ought to be, expected that the trust will be honored and guarded. When such trust is violated the wound is very deep. Sometimes the wound is so deep that the wounded person cannot trust even a legitimate spiritual authority again.

This is very, very true. And it's something that we don't talk about. But - in my opinion as someone who has been a victim of spiritual abuse - we can't allow this quote to be where it ends.

I've been reading 2 Corinthians 1-4 this morning and I've been convicted of several things about forgiveness.

First of all - to Berean. You said that some of those people claimed that they "loved you", but they never said "I'm sorry". Well, as an outsider looking in the story from the sidelines, sometimes that's how people who are ill equiped to formulate a genuine offering of repentance SAY "I'm sorry". They say "I love you." think that the person they have offended will understand how much they regret their actions. In their spiritual immaturity, that might have been the best that they could do.

Secondly, from my reading this morning...

......2 Corinthians 2:5-11 - I don’t want to be hard on you. But if one of you has made someone feel bad, I am not really the one who has been made to feel bad. Some of you are the ones. Most of you have already pointed out the wrong that person did, and that is punishment enough for what was done. When people sin, you should forgive and comfort them, so they won’t give up in despair. You should make them sure of your love for them. I also wrote because I wanted to test you and find out if you would follow my instructions. I will forgive anyone you forgive. Yes, for your sake and with Christ as my witness, I have forgiven whatever needed to be forgiven. I have done this to keep Satan from getting the better of us. We all know what goes on in his mind......

And lastly to Bill - you have a right to be "in transition". You also have a responsibility to not to become a spiritual "transit". Either forgive and go back or forgive and forge ahead. Don't stay in transition too long.

 

[Pleasant_Bill]

Yes, I'm in transition and thanks for the thoughts guys.

My wife and I are a little gunshy but looking.

 

[Tom Butler]

Somebody said one time, if you're looking for the perfect church, and you find it, don't join it. It won't be perfect any more.

I guess the message is, don't set your standards so high that no church can meet them.

 

[drfuss]

Yes, I'm in transition and thanks for the thoughts guys.

My wife and I are a little gunshy but looking.

In my experience, I think it is good to attend a large church where you can attend for at least 6 months without getting involved. This allows you to sort things out concerning what is important and to get ready to work in a church again.

After the six months, then you can start looking for a church to work in and become a part of. Jumping right into church shopping can be frustrating and confusing. It can cause you to want to settle down too soon and end up in the wrong church.

 

[HAMel]

Over the years I've heard people say, "My 'ministry' is..." this or that. Music; teaching; helps; etc.

What's the difference between a "ministry" and a "job"?

Do we expect from those in their specific ministries to perform for us? Enlighten us? Motivate us? Teach us? What is it we expect from those in ministry?

I don't have a "ministry". If something I do happens to advance the Kingdom of God then it was "HE" that sent me and "HE" that spoke through me. Not anything I've done..., like hone my "ministry" to the point I have developed a wonderful voice for singing. Or that I've become a wonderful teacher. No, it's not anything I've done and as such, I should not, in my opinion, go around commenting on "My Ministry".

Where I'm living we're suffering from severe heat. Today is going to be about 103 degrees. I got up this morning and thanked the Lord for my AC and that it works. I'm thankful that I can still walk enabling me to attend church services. We have one older member who gets pushed into church.

Perhaps because we sit back expecting something special three services a week we end up being spiritually abused? Or spiritually offended? The last church I attended the Choir Leader hopped from one side of the podium to the other high-stepping and swinging his arms which resulted with all eyes being focused on him. I felt spiritually abused by this guy! No one else did, but I did. That was show. This man's "ministry" is a "show-ministry".

...I'm glad I'm getting older. If I live to be 70 I've got three years left. This place is a madhouse and I'll be glad when it's all over.

I read an article the other day about this woman who felt she was possessed by a demon. She called the local parish and Father Hands shows up to exercise this evil-spirit.

When he got done with the technique otherwise referred to as the Roman Hands and Russian Fingers Exorcism, she called the cops on the guy.

...apparently she still has the demon.

 

[Berean]

First of all - to Berean. You said that some of those people claimed that they "loved you", but they never said "I'm sorry". Well, as an outsider looking in the story from the sidelines, sometimes that's how people who are ill equiped to formulate a genuine offering of repentance SAY "I'm sorry". They say "I love you." think that the person they have offended will understand how much they regret their actions. In their spiritual immaturity, that might have been the best that they could do.

Sort of like Happy Days, The Fonzz "I'm _____, I'm s____, I'm so___"
He just couldn't say it.

 

[drfuss]

First of all - to Berean. You said that some of those people claimed that they "loved you", but they never said "I'm sorry". Well, as an outsider looking in the story from the sidelines, sometimes that's how people who are ill equiped to formulate a genuine offering of repentance SAY "I'm sorry". They say "I love you." think that the person they have offended will understand how much they regret their actions. In their spiritual immaturity, that might have been the best that they could do.

Sort of like Happy Days, The Fonzz "I'm _____, I'm s____, I'm so___"
He just couldn't say it.

I agree with the above. However, having been through this type of thing, I found in myself another aspect of this. There is a possibility that you may want your revenge for them not believing you, by insisting that they say they were wrong and are sorry. True forgiveness does not require any action on the other persons part.