Stay-at-home Dads Part II

[Marco]

Thanks for the information about this topic. I appreciate it. As far as I can gather, a man raising his kids at home is still a question to me...

There are some Bible versus I came across though that make me unsure:
1)Ephesians 5:23-24 says, "The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." 2)Ephesians 5:28, "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church."

I also read the following from the Bible: 1 Timothy 5:8, which states, "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."
It does not specifically say how the husband must provide, but perhaps it means the basic necessities such as food, clothing, shelter, etc.

However, Now The New Living Translation renders 1 Timothy 5:8 as "But those who won't care for their own relatives, especially those living in the same household, have denied what we believe. Such people are worse than unbelievers", making sure to keep this verse gender-neutral.

Overall, it makes me question what Translation of the Bible I perhaps should be looking at. It also makes me wonder if I remain a stay-at-home father if that will affect my Salvation - I can't imagine it would. However, I am asking questions here and am trying to learn and am very new to the Christian faith. This doesn't mean I'll stop being a stay-at-home father. This is a choice my wife and I made together and it's good for the children. Perhaps the best thing to do is get a part time job as well? Maybe this can be a good middle ground choice...

Anyway, if it is not a sin then perhaps stay-at-home dads are alright. I don't know, but I do the best I can. Thanks for any further advice and for your time.

~Marco

 

[bapmom]

Marco,

your salvation has nothing to do with whether you stay at home with your kids or not. Your salvation is dependent on whether or not you have trusted in Christ to act as a covering for your sin.

If this issue is bothering you so much than perhaps it is because God is convicting you about it. First you need to determine if this is God's leading in your life. Do you have a real reason for being the parent that stays home?

There are real benefits that have been found from the mom being the one who stays home, but of course it is for the children's sake. If you have very young children, my personal opinion is that its best for mommy to stay home with them for the time. Saying its best, btw, does not mean that its a sin if she doesn't or can't.

Older children, teens and such, I don't see any problem either way. But regardless, you have to decide if you have a legitimate reason to be the one who stays home.

I think usually we think of the husband as being the one who works in the world because he is the leader of the home, and he is the representative of his family to the world. His wife's main responsibility, in the Bible, is always presented as being the homemaker, the one who cares for the children and her husband. That is to be her main focus in the marriage. The husband's role in the Bible is to work (Adam in the Garden), to provide for his family, and to protect.

 

[gb93433]

Raisng children is not a mother at home and an absentee father trying to make ends meet. It is a team effort of both parents and the children. Each have their responsibility. About 75% of those in jail have either had a poor or no father figure in the home.

When I read Prov. 31 I see a lady who has something to offer her family, her husband and society by her skills and attitude.

All of us should be constantly improving and growing in each area of our life.

 

[bapmom]

I love Proverbs 31

Im working on it one verse at a time.

 

[canadyjd]

As pointed out above, this has nothing to do with your salvation, so don't spend another second worrying about that.

The I Tim. 5:8 passage, in context, is speaking of relatives of widows that are looking to the church for their support rather than taking care of them theirselves, as they should.

You and your wife are caring for your family. There is nothing in scripture that says the man must be the one working outside the home, although in 5000 years of known history, that is the usual arrangement. Of course, there has always been exceptions.

Also, as pointed out above, the man should be the spiritual leader of the household. It is your responsibility to ensure your wife and children are bibilically centered in what they believe and how they live.

If this arrangement in anyway usurped your role as the spiritual leader of the household, then you might have cause for concern.

peace to you

 

[TennisNE1]

I'm wondering...following a thought of logic.....if the bible is ok with stay-at-home fathers....wouldn't he be ok with...say...female pastors?????

Cindy

 

[webdog]

Originally posted by TennisNE1:
I'm wondering...following a thought of logic.....if the bible is ok with stay-at-home fathers....wouldn't he be ok with...say...female pastors?????

Cindy

No. The Bible is very clear on this in 1 Timothy. Elders (overseer, shepherd, pastor) are to be the husband of one wife.

 

[TennisNE1]

My point webdog is....if we are going to overlook certain bible references about men taking care of his family....then why can't we overlook certain bible references about females pastoring???

Cindy

 

[gb93433]

Originally posted by TennisNE1:
I'm wondering...following a thought of logic.....if the bible is ok with stay-at-home fathers....wouldn't he be ok with...say...female pastors?????

Cindy

Both my mom and dad were at home most of the time. It was our work. It was a dairy farm.

The woman in Prov. 31 is a working woman. In fact she was a business owner which requires a lot more time than just simply working for someone else. She was an entrepreneur. She made herself strong too. She had employees ans servants.

Should women in America be buying fields and planting them? Should she be in the retail business selling her wares?

 

[Johnv]

Originally posted by TennisNE1:
I'm wondering...following a thought of logic.....if the bible is ok with stay-at-home fathers....wouldn't he be ok with...say...female pastors?????

It's not expressly forbidden, but there's one verse that talks about a pastor being a husband of one wife. That would imply that it's a male-only position. This is one of those issues of local autonomy. Each fellowship or congregation needs to decide this form themselves. I'm SBC. The SBC forbids female pastors. I therefore adhere to it.

 

[webdog]

Originally posted by TennisNE1:
My point webdog is....if we are going to overlook certain bible references about men taking care of his family....then why can't we overlook certain bible references about females pastoring???

Cindy

What references are there regarding "taking care of the family"? Scripture is silent on who should stay at home raising a family, and who brings in the money, and we should be too.

 

[canadyjd]

Originally posted by TennisNE1:
I'm wondering...following a thought of logic.....if the bible is ok with stay-at-home fathers....wouldn't he be ok with...say...female pastors?????

Cindy

Cindy, that issue is clearly addressed in scripture.

I Tim. 2:12: "But I do not allow a woman to teach or have authority over a man."

I Tim. 3:2 "An overseer then, must be above reproach....able to teach..."

The issue is not about whether women should teach at all, or have any authority in the church, only that they shouldn't usurp the authority of men.

The "stay at home dads" issue is not really addressed in scripture, as far as I can remember. Only that families should be taken care of.

Nice try

peace to you

 

[DeeJay]

Marco

I raise my kids at home during the day and work at night (Yes, I am very tired). Staying home with the kids does not place you in submition to your wife. You are the head of your household that has nothing to do with who makes the money. It does have everything to do with what and how you teach your kids.

Look at it this way, a man with a job like a Dr. or lawyer that places huge demands on his time but makes lots of money. How can this man be the leader of his house when he is never home. I am not saying it can not be done but if you are always away how can you even know what is going on in your house let alone lead. On the other hand I know from experiance how being home all day gives you time with your kids. When I worked dayshift I had no idea how much enjoyment I could get from being with my kids all day. Five until bedtime is not the same as eight in the morn until bedtime.

Be the leader of your house and start with all the time you have to teach your kids Gods Word. Make a good Christian home for your kids to live in, be appriceative of your wifes work but do not consider her making money to be atority to make spiritual decitions. Once the money comes in the house it belongs to the family. You raise the kids this allows her to work and make the money, the way I see it it is as much yours as hers.

I work at night and stay home during the day because my job has a graveyard options. My wifes job only has day shift. I would love to have my wife stay home but we would never make it under my income alone. But I do love to be home with my kids and they benifit from me being there. My three year old quotes Bible verses and knows more theology then alot of adults. She would never get this if I would have put her in day care just so I could get some sleep. This was my decition as the leader of my house to run it this way.

 

[DeeJay]

It also makes me wonder if I remain a stay-at-home father if that will affect my Salvation - I can't imagine it would.

I know it has been said but I must agree. Only Jesus' work on the cross affects your salvation. If you have been saved by believeing in the true Jesus Christ nothing you do or do not do will affect your salvation.

We are obediant to the Lord because we have already been saved, NOT because we are trying to become saved.

 

[Brother Ian]

Originally posted by TennisNE1:
I'm wondering...following a thought of logic.....if the bible is ok with stay-at-home fathers....wouldn't he be ok with...say...female pastors?????

Cindy

No.

 

[Glory-to-God]

Fathers are to be the " Providers " God holds them accountable for how they lead and provide for the home.

Men feel insecure and threatened if their wife makes more than they do, no matter what job they have...they do not like the woman making more. Hurts their ego.

Women were designed to be the nurtures of children and the " Keepers" of the home. Titus 2:3-5.

Changing sex roles of men and women is from the devil. Too many women acting like men and men acting like women...in the last 30 years or so.

I like what someone said....whats the differnce from this and accepting women pastors ?

 

[Marco]

Well, I will tell you it's hard work taking care of children and teaching them. I'm proud of what I do. No, I am honored and grateful. Thanks for your two cents. Peace.

 

[Glory-to-God]

I agree it is hard work....I know I am a stay at home mom.

But you have to honestly admit you are not happy about NOT being the one " bringing home the bacon "

Not having a group of men to socialize with on a daily bases. Not sure the internet counts.

Feeling the pressure of being looked down upon for your role reversal.

I personal know of a guy who is in your shoes and this is what he feels and how he is looked at. He feels less of a man for losing his job where he made more money than his wife. He is great with his kids and enjoys home scooling them but. he feels he has NO social life and isn't fullfiled as a man and husband.

I agree with the person who said both parents stayed home because of their farm business....that was very common for the time. But man still did the " HARD LABOR " work, while the woman raised and taught the kids and did the house work.....and that is way different than changing the roles God intended for man and woman in todays society.

 

[Marco]

Well, if the fellow you know feels like "less of a man" than he lacks confidence and should seek help. My worry in the situation was about what the bible said on the issue. However, when I learned that my salvation was not judged on whether or not I home schooled my kids...the worry left me. 2.5 Million men are raising kids at home in the USA today. I think that is great and I think the payoff will show years down the road. So many kids don't have a father they can talk to or one that understands them.
Sometimes, I have wished to be back in the work force. It's a real break leaving the house. It seems "hard labor" is no labor at all after my experience.
You do have a point however, I don't socialize enough. I'll have to work on that.
Overall, this is a decision my wife and I made and the kids are doing great.
Tell your friend to write me, he won't feel guilty anymore.

 

[Petrel]

Originally posted by Glory-to-God:
Men feel insecure and threatened if their wife makes more than they do, no matter what job they have...they do not like the woman making more. Hurts their ego.

I think having a hurt ego because your wife works and you do not is a sign of pridefulness. Hopefully stay-at-home dads who feel their pride hurt by their situation will take it as a growth opportunity.