The 18 year old myth...

[Farmer's Wife]

Here are some excerpts from "The "18 Year Old" Myth.." article written by Anna Neumas and published in the July/August 2002 "Crowned With Silver"magazine. I found this article to be very thought provoking...especially to 'christian' Americans!

“…There is an “18-year-old” mentality that has infiltrated our society and also the church. This mentality believes that at 18:
~ A child is no longer a child.

~ This person now must make their own decisions, separate from the family.

~ The parents no longer have a right to give any instruction or to expect obedience from this person.

~ The 18 year old should become independent, which in the majority of homes means that they should move out of the house. Mostly, this means that they should either go to college or work full time on their own in order to live in an apartment with other young people their own age.

~ Rebelliousness in the attitude of an 18 year old is looked upon by society as normal, and so ties the hands of parents from correction, because these children are now looked upon as adults.”

“Where did the 18 years of age thought come from? It came with the draft, or the conscription, as it is also called. It was never induced in the United States until during the Civil War (1861-1865), then World War I (1914-1918), and World War II (1939-1945) and then Vietnam. The Revolution of the United States against Great Britain was voluntary. There was no need to make men sign up for this war because the majority of our land wanted to be free from the rule of a King. Later, when the Government took control of who would go to war rather than the people, they made it a law that every male citizen who lives in the United States must register with his local board within 30 days before, to 30 days after, his 18th birthday.”

“Over just a very short century, our society as a whole, has developed the attitude that at 18 years of age, a child is totally independent physically, spiritually, financially and educationally from his family. If they can die at war, they should be able to be independent in all areas of their lives.”

“The question should be to each of us who are claiming Christ as King of our lives, “Is this mentality Biblical? How does it line up with the Word of God?” The Bible tells us this: “And said, for this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?” (Matthew 19:5 KJV) “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. “ (Mark 10:6-9 KJV)”

“The Bible tells us very clearly that the reason a child shall leave home is to marry. It is absolutely ridiculous that Americans are sending their children away at the age of 18! What I find remarkable is the fact that our Lord and Saviour, Jesus the Messiah, didn’t start His ministry until He was in His 30’s! Yet our own society believes that an 18 year-old is ready to start his???!!!”

“Have we sealed within our children the truth of the Word of God versus the myths of our generation? Even the world is seeing that leaving the home at the tender age of 18 only leads to folly. How much more should our children be guided by the Holy Scriptures so that they have an answer when people say, “You’re 18! Your parents can’t tell you what to do any more! You need to be out of the house living your own life.” Or are they going to believe “Honour thy father and thy mother” only until the age of 18?”

“Start now, dearest friends, instilling Biblical values versus the world’s. Our children will have peace and joy and contentment as the rest of the world extinguishes their children’s contribution to their family simply because they’ve reached the age of 18.”


[ July 17, 2002, 12:22 PM: Message edited by: Farmer's Wife ]

 

[Dr. Bob]

Biblical age for voting/decision making in a congregation came at bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah, around the onset of puberty (back then, 13-15 years old).

Training continued and SERVICE or MINISTRY for the Lord did not commence until age 30. "Not a novice" meant something back then.

Thanks for the good read. We have bought into cultural teaching, not Bible truth.

 

[BrianT]

But the issue is still partly cultural. Jesus' ministry didn't start until he was 30 because of the culture of his day, not because he was a novice or unable to start earlier. In Jewish society at that time, it was a cultural "rule" that a "teacher" (rabbi) had to be between the ages of 30 and 50. Younger than 30, and it was believed they had nothing new to present. Older than 50, and it was believed they had either said all they're going to say, or are starting to get incoherent. Jesus lived by the norms of his culture. God meets us where we are today, not where someone else was 2000 years ago.

 

[Scarlett O.]

I agree that the notion of "18" making you an adult is sometimes harmful.

I have seen former students at the ages of 16, 17, 18, and 19 get married because they thought they were adults. The world told them they were. These "child" marriages don't typically last in my area. Even though there are exceptions (my own parents married at 17 and 20 and are still in love), you are right about "18" not making you an automatic adult.

But, if I am to follow your opinion, then I would still be living at home.

I am 40 years old and am not married. I left home at 19, not because I thought I was "grown", but because I had to live on campus and the drive back and forth to college was too far to commute daily.

I was definitely not grown!

Life went on. I graduated from college and I moved out of state for graduate school and I have a 20-year career that God called me to and leads me in. I am productive and happy in the Lord.

If I still lived at home with my parents, my mother and I would have both needed therapy a long time ago!!

I do not believe that when the Bible says that man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, that it is means that you have to live under your mother and father's roof until you marry.

I believe that it means that the primary relationship you have is no longer that of a "child" under the authority of a "parent". You still owe honor and respect to your parents and will all of your life, but now your primary responsibility and relationship is with that of your spouse, who is now your own flesh.

Your life changes forever when you marry, in many ways. Responsibility becomes a whole new concept and your life changes.

I don't believe the Bible is implying anything at all about your physical address .

Peace to all of us who travel this life alone-

YSIC
Scarlett O.

 

[Helen]

My youngest daughter is 18. She, however declares she is really an 8 year old trapped in an older body...

The age in the Bible for military conscription, a change in tax rate for the young men, as well as the cutoff age after which the Israelites had to die in the desert rather than enter the Promised Land was 20. The 13-14 years old bar mitzvah and bas mitzvah generally recognized the leaving of childhood and the beginning of the maturation process, not the onset of adulthood.

Just as a side note, and not biblical at all (but I liked it), at the age of 40, some Oriental cultures declare one worthy of respect.

 

[Farmer's Wife]

Originally posted by Scarlett O.:
But, if I am to follow your opinion, then I would still be living at home. I am 40 years old and am not married.

Dear Miss Scarlett, (I just wanted to say that...it sounds so southern! )I thought you might find this interesting. The lady went on the article and said that she had watched a news segment from "60 Minutes" which was entitled, "Mammosi". The footage started with handsome young in their late 20's through 40's driving fancy cars, etc. They were successful businessmen; charming, normal Italian men. But what was so very astonishing to the American journalists, was that these men lived in Italy, with their parents . The men that were interviewed said that this was normal for Italian society; that a man simply stayed at home with his parents until he married. If he didn't, he would be lonely, he would seek out companionship, and maybe get into a lot of trouble. Being at home with a family who cared about them kept them wholesome and out of places where they shouldn't be.

"There is a very sobering reason for why many are reaching the age of 40 and are still unmarried. They asked each of them why and their answer was, "There are no women who are willing to be wives and mothers. All the women of today want to work and not care for a man or child. They want to be independent from a family rather than have a family."

The article went on to say that some schools were closing down in another part of Italy because the Italian women of that community were not willing to be tied down with children or have a man to boss them around. They wanted freedom and independence from that life-style. Therefore the schools were closing down because there are no children.

Now, here are my comments: It's sad but true too many of us women have accepted the feminism lie. It is one of the biggest tools of satan to destroy the design of the family as God instituted. I pray that more women will wake up and realize this before it's too late!

 

[Optional]

As long as 18 year old's are expected to register for the draft and fight for our country, I will support their right to be treated as an adult in every way. I think it's total hypocrisy to tell them to kill or die for the USA, but then tell them they're not an adult in other ways.

 

[DocCas]

I suspect the better solution is to not draft 18 year olds into the military. When I was that age I thought I knew everything, and that nothing could hurt me. Now in my declining years when I really do know everything, and realize that nearly everything can hurt me, I look back and understand how truly immature I was at that age. But I, as with most youngsters, survived it.

 

[Optional]

Originally posted by DocCas:
I suspect the better solution is to not draft 18 year olds into the military.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[Dr. Bob]

NOT just cultural or my opinion about waiting and learning and training for ministry until 30 years of age. Do you think it simply a coincidence of Jesus' training? Or the 17 times it is REQUIRED in the Law?

From thirty years old and upward even until fifty years old, all that enter into the host, to do the work in the tabernacle of the congregation.

Seems the MINIMUM AGE for service in the Tabernacle was 30.

Just more food for thought. It also implies mandatory retirement at 50 and I LIKE that idea!

 

[pdp27]

As a young man not far removed from 18 and living with my parents, I feel I matured a great deal during my twenties living away from home. I am 27 and married for two years, so I spent seven years living with roommates or going to college.

Left to my own devices, I learned how to be independant, open a checking account, get and abuse credit, pay off my credit cards, rent an apartment, learn how to do laundry, cook, buy a bunch of useless junk for the apartment, buy a house, etc. I would be a much different, for the worse, had I lived with my parents until 25.

To me, all those nice 30 year old Italian men sound like they can't wash their own clothes or cook their own dinner.

Paul

 

[Scarlett O.]

Paul,

You are so right. When I was 25 and going to graduate school out of state, I had to grow up pretty fast. The Lord called me out of my parent's physical dwelling when I was 19.

And anyone who tries to tell me that I should still be at home, at 40 years of age, because I am not married is saying that God made a mistake in calling me and using me for His service.

And when my car broke down, when my toilet backed up,....you know...I didn't have my dad there to "fix" everything. I learned how to take care of myself. My folks were just a phone call away and many times I called for advice and still do, but if a 40 year old is still living at home, having never been independent and having never learned how to manage life and not being able to take care of themselves, something is amiss. And I think everybody knows that.

I didn't respond at all to the post about the 20 to 40 year old Italian men still living at home and not being able to find wives because the women were "worldly", because....well, I just didn't want to "get into it".

Perhaps those 40 year olds can't find a woman to marry because they are still living at home under mama's care. They don't need wives. They need mamas. Men who stay at home that long get very accustomed to mama. I've seen it. They want to have lovers, but they also want mama there to put their plates in front of them and wash their clothes.

And another thing. Some Italian men and other European men are notorious for getting married and when their wives get pregnant, finding a mistress. It seems that part of the culture there cannot associate a lover and a mother in the same woman. I watched a documentary years ago on the epidemic of unfaithfulness of some Italian and other European men for this very reason.

Hmmmm...Could that be because they stayed at home too long and have a distorted view of "mama" as perfect and untouchable?

We all need to obey God's will and stay home until He calls us and when He calls us we need to follow without hesitation.

And if we are not equipped, as was I at 19? He will certainly provide and take care of us.

Peace-

YSIC
Scarlett O.
<><

 

[Farmer's Wife]

Originally posted by pdp27:
Left to my own devices, I learned how to be independant, open a checking account, get and abuse credit, pay off my credit cards, rent an apartment, learn how to do laundry, cook, buy a bunch of useless junk for the apartment, buy a house, etc. I would be a much different, for the worse, had I lived with my parents until 25.
Paul

My husband lived at home with his parents until we married. He had his own checking account. His Daddy taught him wisely about credit cards so he didn't have to learn it the hard way. He also learned how to cook, clean, and do laundry. He had bought many things... such as everyday living neccesities, even some useless junk , vehicles and, of course, the house we first lived in.

So, you see, a man doesn't have to leave home to learn to do these things.

[ July 20, 2002, 09:46 AM: Message edited by: Farmer's Wife ]

 

[GrannyGumbo]

We raised my two sisters and the younger one stayed with us until she was 38. She never had any desire to leave home until a couple of years ago, when satan, via some well-meaning "friends", put it in her head that it was STUPID to still be living at home and she NEEDED to get out on her own and EXPERIENCE life a little...

Well, it breaks my heart to see my once happy, independent, never-gonna-get-married, beautiful(inside/outside), sister become the miserably unhappy career-gal that she is...Where are those well-meaning "friends" today? Shaking their head saying, "what on earth is the matter with Barbara".

[ July 20, 2002, 11:54 AM: Message edited by: GrannyGumbo ]

 

[Rev. Joshua]

I think the one thing we can learn from the very different experiences described here is that there is no one age when everyone should leave home. We are all wired differently, with different priorities, different goals, and different levels of maturity.

Some people are probably better off on their own at 18, some at 30. The person, not the age, is what determines that.

Joshua

 

[Farmer's Wife]

Does anyone know of any specific scripture, that says when/why (other than for marriage) a person is to leave their father and mother?

[ July 20, 2002, 02:06 PM: Message edited by: Farmer's Wife ]

 

[Scarlett O.]

Well, just look at some of the people of the Bible that were used by God.

Mary Magdalene and Susanna didn't stay home until marriage. They were single and traveled with Jesus with some other women. They took care of Jesus and the disciples.

Lydia, of Thyratia had a career and business outside the home and was obviously the head of her home, which probably meant she was not married. She was saved and was baptized and her "household", which might have meant servants or possibly relatives she was responsible for.

John the Baptist didn't stay home at all!!

Neither did Samuel. These two guys left home pretty early.

The Apostle Paul didn't stay at home with his parents.

Rahab, the harlot had a fancy "uptown" house on her own. She was one of those, *GASP*, "big-city women". God still saved her and used her and she became King David's great-great grandmother.

Oh, and by the way, King David didn't stay at home until he married either. He was brought to the palace to play his harp and to soothe King Saul's frazzled nerves.

And what about Lottie Moon and Corrie Ten Boom and Dr. David Livingstone? These people weren't married and they travel the literal globe spread the gospel of Jesus Christ.

If you want me to find a verse that says, "Thou shalt feel free to leave thy Mom and Pop whenvever thoust gets ready to without regard to them or to ME...". Well, no, the Bible doesn't say that.

But you, by asking someone to find it, are implying that you have a verse that says we are NOT to leave the home until marriage.

And you don't.

Jesus said to a potential disciple that for someone to follow Him, he must hate his father and mother.

Did He really mean that? Yes. Jesus meant that to follow Him, one must break any bonds with anyone that could take precedence over the relationship with Him. To abandon human relationships as our relationships of first priority.

Jesus is our first priority. Not man. Not even moms or dads. They are still important. Just not given top billing anymore.

And that's the meaning of Genesis 2:24.

A man shall leave his father and mother in the sense that he now has a human bond that is closer than that of parent-child. And that is self to self. Flesh to flesh. Man and wife are one flesh. The same person.

The Apostle Paul said that this was a great mystery, the bond between a husband and a wife. And he didn't mean that he didn't understand it because he was single. He meant that marriage is holy and divine and represents Christ and the Christians.

And who could we be closer to than the two people whose bodies "made" us? How could we have a more physically or emtionally or spiritually close connection? Our DNA is complete blend of two other persons. With whom could we possibly be more connected to?

Our spouses. Because God ordain marriage to work that way and to represent something much greater than just "I do".

A man shall leave his mother and father. And a woman, too. They may leave the home, physically or the relationship of primary importance, emotionally and spiritually.

Or both.

There is so much more meaning and deeper truths in Genesis 2:24 than just changing your address.

Peace-

YSIC
Scarlett O.
<><

 

[Farmer's Wife]

Scarlett, I guess what I was trying to get at was...leaving home to get away from Mama and Daddy and experience the world is unBiblical. Yet, that is the main reason most young people leave home. This is another tool of satan to destroy the family! It can lead to serious trouble and much heartache. We, as God's people, need to abandon these worldly philosophies and get back to the Bible. "Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ." ~Colossians 2:8 (KJBible)

I read in Luke 8:1-3 about Mary Magdalene, Susanna and the other women. Joanna, the wife of Chuza, was also listed among the women. Are we to assume that she forsook her husband to minister unto Jesus? I don't think so. Therefore, we cannot assume these other women forsook their families either. Perhaps their families were with them?.

The Bible does not say that Lydia had a career and business outside of her home. It says that she was a seller of purple. For example, my sister is a seller of fresh farm eggs. That does not mean that she has a career in the egg business outside of her home. Lydia was from the city of Thyatira but was living in Philippi. Could it be that she married and that's why she moved?...or, perhaps, her parents moved and thus so did she. The Bible doesn't tell us why she moved...so, again that's more speculation. Acts 16:15 does mention Lydia's household. That could include her parents, husband, children, servant, etc. The Bible really doesn't say that Lydia was 'out on her own', so to speak.

Look at the reasons these men in the Bible you mentioned left home. It most certainly was not the reason most young people leave home today! Most young people leave home today because 'society' dictates it. I think that's one of the points the author of this article was trying to make. In our American society today, people are looked upon as "strange" if they remain at home until they marry.

On the flip side of that, marriage is a clear and definite command to leave home. Many times, today, I see young people get married and stay with Mama and Daddy until whenever. This is not Biblical. Scarlett, I really like what you wrote about marriage. I pray that more of God's people will realize these truths!

 

[Johnv]

Whoa! Jesus started his ministry at about 30, but in accordance with the custom of the time, he was probably engaging as a trade from the age of about 14 or 15 on. Also, we assume that Jesus gave up his career as a carpenter when his ministry began, but the Bible is uncertain about this. It's entirely plausible and likely that Jesus continued his trade (at least part time), and conducted a ministry as well. Others who were rabbis did just that. We don't know.

We can presume that Jesus lived with his mother (since she was widowed) for the majority of his adult life, but there's also some archaeoligical evidence that Jesus may have also rented a room at the home of Peter and his wife. It was common for single males back then to, board at the residence of a family member of friend, but not have a home of their own until they took a bride.

 

[Speedpass]

Originally posted by Rev. Joshua Villines:
Some people are probably better off on their own at 18, some at 30. The person, not the age, is what determines that.

Joshua[/QB]

Wow, one of the rare times Joshua and I agree on something