Hey, go easy buddy....Im just trying to figure this out more than anything. I did not truly believe in God or why would I sin so egregiously? My religious experiences were Catholic nuns & priests attempting to make me a proper Catholic for which they failed miserably....I really cant tell anyone I was part of the catholic church because I never really was a part of it to begin with. And since it was so rotten liberal & so works based, I assumed I had a lenience to sin.... just say an Act of Contrition & your all right with God again. Heck, everyone was doing it up here in New Jersey & NY, right. So even the stuff my mother tried to press us kids into faded away.
Bible, we had a family bible...it was tucked away in my mothers closet. I stayed far away from church till I was 29 & my wife wanted to get married in one.....so we went over to a PC-USA church & got hitched. Then when my son was born my mother & MIL started screaming at me to get the kid baptized so I dutifully submitted. Over the years we took Junior to various churches----but there was nothing in it for me.....nothing. My focus was business & makin the money & takin care of business. As soon as the kid got old enough, we stopped going as a family. There was nothin in it for anyone. Most of it was like Pastor Durant stated,,,, give us your hearts, your minds & your wallets. There was circumstances over the years that help lead us all to conclusions that God was better off knocking on someone else's door, because if he did ours.....we wouldnt answer the door.... atheism was creeping in. I hadnt gone to a church in years when I was saved.... I didnt look at a bible when I was saved, I was just convicted by a Preacher who lived in the 16th century in a sermon on my CD that day on the road to a University that I was taking other college classes. He told me to look at myself and evaluate if my behavior would categorize me as a Christian. He asked me if I called myself one, why did I abuse Christ. He reminded me what Christ did for me. In short, he made me feel low & ashamed. I could not shake that ....it haunted me, it exposed me & it made me feel ashamed.
I view that as the mark of the Holy Spirit....yes changing my heart.....giving me a conscience, slapping me around even. That is what changed a sinner like me.
Do I read my scripture now.... yes. Am I anywhere near people who seemingly have done it since birth...NO! But my faith is strong, my Christian growth spurts are at times mercurial....so you tell me Doc Wally, ah Biblicists.... your the theologian, what the heck is that radical change in spirit? From someone who could have cared less (I cleaned that up) to someone who cares deeply..... to someone who now believes & has Christ in his life & late in life too---I'm 56 Years Old. This happened when I was 53.
so bottom line this--I dont have any answers for you except I know it wasnt me pursuing God. That would have never happened that way. So you figure it out. Im pretty done with it.
