The importance of words

[Andy_S]

My Aunt, to come straight to the point, has caused a lot of offence with her bluntness and judgemental attitudes.

Every time I go there, I get "told off" all the time, and she is constantly drawing attention (often publicly) to my sins, weaknesses and failings. She has often called me a fool.

She has shared private things of mine around the dinner table.

I tried pointing out to her that words are important, and that the Bible she is so fond of quoting makes it quite clear that not one of our words will be lost.

She said, "Well, I don't keep any record of what I say, so you will just have to make of my words what you will."

She's forgiven, therefore her words are forgotten. But not by me, or others whom she has hurt and offended.

How can that be a Christian attitude?

 

[Jim1999]

If we concentrated on our own short comings in our spiritual lives, we would see less of those of others.

It is far better to be of a positive spirit as we grow together in Christ. We ought to walk in another's shoes for a season and understand why they do what they do. We can then find a positive way to lead them, rather that trying to drive them in yet another wrong direction.

Cheers,

Jim

 

[Andy_S]

Thanks.

Maybe I need to work on my forgiveness a little more, as her faultfinding has in the past driven me close to despair.

In a better place now, but still I find it hard to associate with someone who never has a positive word to say about me.

 

[gb93433]

Judge Gently

Pray, don't find fault with the man that limps
Or stumbles along the road.
Unless you have worn the shoes he wears
Or struggled beneath his load.

There may be tacks in his shoes that hurt
Though hidden away from view.
Or the burden he bears placed on your back
Might cause you to stumble too.

Don't sneer at the man who's down today
Unless you have felt the blow
That caused his fall or felt the shame
That only the fallen know.

You may be strong but still the blows
That was his if dealt to you
In the selfsame way, at the selfsame time
Might cause you to stagger too.

Don't be too harsh with the man that sins
Or pelt him with word or stone
Unless you are sure - yea, doubly sure -
That you have no sins of your own.

For you know, perhaps,
If the tempter's voice should whisper as soft to you
As it did to him when he went astray
It might cause you to falter too.

--Author Unknown





Romans 2:1, Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.

 

[Andy_S]

Thank you -I've just found my resentment building up. My aunt says she is trying to help me, and we are hardest on those we love most.

But I can't seem to see it like that. Not when it's faultfinding all the time!

 

[Benjamin]

My Aunt, to come straight to the point, has caused a lot of offence with her bluntness and judgemental attitudes.

Every time I go there, I get "told off" all the time, and she is constantly drawing attention (often publicly) to my sins, weaknesses and failings. She has often called me a fool.

She has shared private things of mine around the dinner table.

I tried pointing out to her that words are important, and that the Bible she is so fond of quoting makes it quite clear that not one of our words will be lost.

She said, "Well, I don't keep any record of what I say, so you will just have to make of my words what you will."

She's forgiven, therefore her words are forgotten. But not by me, or others whom she has hurt and offended.

How can that be a Christian attitude?

It takes time for others to recognize and accept new changes in you. If you join with her in saying something like, “How can that be a Christian attitude?” are you not basically joining in with her in something you take offense at while doing the same thing back to her? I suggest returning love in grace and this will set a better example.

(Gal 5:22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
(Gal 5:23) Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

While doing this, being able to quote a few relevant Bible verses for her might open her eyes to the changes. When I was new in my walk, as I read along in the Bible I began to write down verses, which to this day I am still amazed how I was lead to just the right verses, on 3x5 cards for memorizing (this turned into 100 verses before I knew it) . A few things that came through that experience was: 1) my tool box got bigger 2) I learned how to use those tools 3) you’d be surprised how impressed :saint: …and/or intimidated :laugh: … some of these “long time church goers” are when they witness you quoting scripture. :smilewinkgrin:

 

[Tom Butler]

Thank you -I've just found my resentment building up. My aunt says she is trying to help me, and we are hardest on those we love most.

But I can't seem to see it like that. Not when it's faultfinding all the time!

I've never had a relative like that, but I can imagine how I would react. I'd be hurt, and would be tempted to tell her, Auntie, I forgive you for being an obnoxious witch.

Can your parents run interference for you? Is she a sister to your mother or dad? Maybe the sibling can get in her face on your behalf.

 

[Andy_S]

I've never had a relative like that, but I can imagine how I would react. I'd be hurt, and would be tempted to tell her, Auntie, I forgive you for being an obnoxious witch.

Oh, yes, I am tempted indeed.

But surely when someone says that they don't keep any record of what they have said, and others will have to just deal with it - I mean, isn't that just utterly selfish?

An ill-chosen word can last a lifetime, and hurt someone far more than being physically attacked. The speaker may be able to go on as if nothing had happened, but the victim can't!

 

[Amy.G]

Sometimes you just have to tell people how it is. Tell her if she doesn't get off your back you'll not meet again until the funeral.

 

[Jkdbuck76]

Andy_S,

I'm curious.....how is it that you have to be anywhere near her? Do you live with her? Is she paying for your college or something?

DON'T be a doormat! Stand up for yourself. You don't need to keep taking the abuse!

Next time she pops off and says something mean to you in front of everyone, you are well within your rights to say (in a nice way) "Aunt ______, how would you like it if I constantly brought up YOUR failures and faults in front of everyone? Your 'advice' is not appreciated, nor will it be tolerated anymore. I'm certain God did not put you on this Earth to trash me in front of everyone. So next time you feel the need to insult me, save it."

Or something to that effect. You don't have to be profane or hateful, but you need to stand up to her. Which makes me wonder about the rest of your family. I mean, if my sister repeatedly insulted my son, I'd show her THE BUSINESS END of a baseball bat.

 

[Gina B]

Soul suckers. That's what I feel happens when people act that way. Knew someone like that before and it's not being blunt, it's usually cruel because they assume they know the emotions and motives behind who you are and what you do and they mask their cruelty behind the name of Christian.

Uh uh. However, continuing to deal with it is your choice. You don't have to. I find nothing wrong with maintaining a good distance from soul suckers. They can choose to continue and lose the relationship or choose to change. It's rare for change to happen though, once they have convinced themselves that their cruelty is righteousness.

 

[Andy_S]

Thanks all.

In answer to some of your questions, I haven't seen my Aunt in a few months. I sometimes get concerned that I'm slipping into an unforgiving attitude. That's so easily done.

She said, when I split up with my girlfriend, that my pain was just pride because she'd preferred someone else to me.

Then she said that I was at fault because I take things too personally. But something like that IS personal.

Indeed, she sees my unwillingness to take correction as a general manifestation of pride.

 

[HAMel]

...some people are just jerks.

The one(s) with all the advise and willing to share it at all costs are often the ones who feel really insecure to begin with.

 

[ituttut]

Thanks all.

In answer to some of your questions, I haven't seen my Aunt in a few months. I sometimes get concerned that I'm slipping into an unforgiving attitude. That's so easily done.

She said, when I split up with my girlfriend, that my pain was just pride because she'd preferred someone else to me.

Then she said that I was at fault because I take things too personally. But something like that IS personal.

Indeed, she sees my unwillingness to take correction as a general manifestation of pride.

Not knowing you age, I may be taking the wrong approach, but it looks from here that this is "puppy Love", and if it is it will not be long until that passing fancy will be history, and you will see perhaps your Aunt is right.

I could be completely wrong having no more facts. In any case "buck up", live it up and bet there is someone just waiting for you to show up, or you and your girl may makeup.

 

[Andy_S]

"puppy Love"

Some people make such sweeping judgements, don't they, in possession of so few facts!

 

[ituttut]

Some people make such weeping judgements, don't they, in possession of so few facts!

How true Andy. That's why I prefaced my input with "not knowing", possible wrong approach, and stating "I could be completely wrong having no more facts". The only fact you have presented that has caused your discontent with your Aunt is the break-up with your girlfriend.

Hope you find peach in this matter.

 

[MamaCW]

I feel for you hun.
My mother is quite similar to your aunt, however she is not christian and points out ever flaw and mistake that anyone in our family who is christian makes. Her favorite like is "wow, and you call yourself a christian" or "how christian of you"... Learn to take it as a grain of salt (easier said than done right? lol...it takes some practice)... also note, in my experience (with my mom and others i've encountered like her).. they are usually bitter, hurting, unhappy, etc inside..so they need to make others feel as low inside as they do.. my pastor has said this "Hurting people hurt people". You probably won't be able to change her, and you don't want to be the one to lash out (because that will just cause more criticism)..Just pray for her, and love her from "afar" lol..