This will no doubt be the most unpopular post on the BB, but I feel I must rant. This post is mainly directed to the men--as I woman, I probably would not be permitted to post in the Men Only section, so I continue here.
This is something that has bothered me for a long time.
It is about aging parents. It is about honoring your mother and father. It is about old age. It is about how our society has changed. And I wonder why it is so.
Why is it that most of the time in the majority of families I know of, it is only one child (usually a daughter), who is left with the responsibility of aging parents? Why is this? Let me cite some examples from families I know of. Mind you, these are "Christian" families.
An elderly couple I know get by the best they can on Social Security and a little pension. This couple scraped to send their two sons to college. Today, both sons have extremely well paying jobs, out of state. One son is VP of one of the largest corporations in America. He recently sold his 2.5 million dollar home for a smaller home, as his children are grown, so settled for a smaller only million dollar home. Would it ever occur to him to call his parents & ask if they need anything? No. The couple’s car was so old and in need of repairs it wouldn’t run any longer. The other son did call a local dealer and paid for his dad a new car. All the man had to do was get to the dealer and pick up the new car. The VP son never inquires as to anything that might be needed. It would never cross his mind to even offer to buy them anything, send money, whatever.
Another man I know lives with his mother. After his divorce some 25 years ago, he never remarried, but moved back home. His mother is in her 80s. She ambulates with a walker. I mentioned many times to this person how nice it would be if his mom could live on a one-floor plan. There is no bathroom on the main floor of this big, falling down, 2-story house. He is too cheap to invest in another home, even for the sake of his mother’s convenience. He is a millionare, as well, with years of saving (on rent) and playing the stock market. He has no responsibilities other than to look after his mother, no children, no heirs. His mom is a widow. She, at 80 plus years old, must go up and down the stairs to the bathroom. She has multiple health problems. She must go down narrow steps to the cellar to do laundry. The kitchen is so old, counter tops have linoleum that have chipped away. Remodel the kitchen? No, too much money. Hire a sitter while he is at work? No, costs too much.
Another case: A woman I know has cerebral palsy. Her sister has cerebral palsy as well and her dad is in his 80s. She has 7 other brothers & sisters. None of them ever call to see if these 3 need anything. No one chips in to pay bills, buy medicine, see if they need food or anything. She says to me, "I grew up in the same household as all of these people, but I don’t know any of them. They just don’t care whether we live or die."
Another example: The daughter moved from out of state to get her mom out of a big 2-story house into a one-floor plan. There is a brother & sister-in-law who live in the same town. Never a phone call to see if anything is needed, an errand, help with paying for prescription drugs, taking to doctor appointments, help with anything around the house or yard, not even a call just to check & see how things are. Too busy. The mom had surgery. They couldn’t even go visit or be there during the surgery. Not even a phone call to see how surgery went.
My list of examples could go on and on. Where is it written that one child out of a whole household of children is to assume all care for aging parents? What if that one caregiver was no longer able to hold down those responsibilities? In my family, I volunteered because nobody else seemed to care what happened to my widowed mother. What if I weren’t around, then what? My siblings are in la-la land, and the thought would never even cross their self-centered minds that mom might need something. Or that I could use help. (even though I have mentioned it quite a few times, the cry for help goes unheeded) The sad part is, there are many, many caregivers who are in the same boat - nobody else in the family, no other siblings seem to care. Why is this?
The worst part is, there are nursing homes filled with elderly people who have children living in the same community who never even come to see them. Pop old mom or dad in a nursing home and forget they even exist. Go about your life.
It seems it is mostly one daughter to care for the aging parents, if anyone does. So, my rant is directed to the men. When did you last call your elderly mom or dad to see if they needed any money for prescriptions, for the utilities, for food? When was the last time you took them out to a nice dinner somewhere? When was the last time you called just to say hello? When was the last time you offered to mow the grass? When was the last time you checked to see if they had decent running transportation? Or if they just wanted to go to Wal-Mart? Do you remember birthdays and holidays?
If you live out of town and have a sibling doing the major caregiving, when was the last time you called that caregiver and asked if anything was needed? Doesn’t this all go along with honoring your mother and father?
Will these words make you angry and go ZOOM over your head, or will there be some conviction as to your Christian walk and some repentence whereby you walk the walk, not just talk the talk, especially when it comes to the people who gave you life and raised you? (no matter if they were good or bad parents, they are still your parents)
I don’t expect any responses. I don’t wish to debate. I am just broken hearted when I look around at elderly people and see the indifference of their children, especially among those who are supposedly Christians and supposedly walking with the Lord, yet neglect their own parents and parents' needs.
Too busy, don’t have the time, or better yet, are so self-centered and myopic they would never even allow the thought to enter their shallow heads that maybe mom and dad might possibly NEED something.
I know our society has changed and we no longer live like the Waltons. But is that an excuse for total neglect and selfishness and self-centeredness?
I hope some of you men out there will take some of what I’ve said to heart. Please. Life is too short. I truly believe that part of living for the Lord is to look after the needs of your family, especially the elderly. We will ALL be elderly and have needs some day, if the Lord tarries. I do believe we reap what we sow.
My rant is over. With a heavy heart, I sadly step down.
This is something that has bothered me for a long time.
It is about aging parents. It is about honoring your mother and father. It is about old age. It is about how our society has changed. And I wonder why it is so.
Why is it that most of the time in the majority of families I know of, it is only one child (usually a daughter), who is left with the responsibility of aging parents? Why is this? Let me cite some examples from families I know of. Mind you, these are "Christian" families.
An elderly couple I know get by the best they can on Social Security and a little pension. This couple scraped to send their two sons to college. Today, both sons have extremely well paying jobs, out of state. One son is VP of one of the largest corporations in America. He recently sold his 2.5 million dollar home for a smaller home, as his children are grown, so settled for a smaller only million dollar home. Would it ever occur to him to call his parents & ask if they need anything? No. The couple’s car was so old and in need of repairs it wouldn’t run any longer. The other son did call a local dealer and paid for his dad a new car. All the man had to do was get to the dealer and pick up the new car. The VP son never inquires as to anything that might be needed. It would never cross his mind to even offer to buy them anything, send money, whatever.
Another man I know lives with his mother. After his divorce some 25 years ago, he never remarried, but moved back home. His mother is in her 80s. She ambulates with a walker. I mentioned many times to this person how nice it would be if his mom could live on a one-floor plan. There is no bathroom on the main floor of this big, falling down, 2-story house. He is too cheap to invest in another home, even for the sake of his mother’s convenience. He is a millionare, as well, with years of saving (on rent) and playing the stock market. He has no responsibilities other than to look after his mother, no children, no heirs. His mom is a widow. She, at 80 plus years old, must go up and down the stairs to the bathroom. She has multiple health problems. She must go down narrow steps to the cellar to do laundry. The kitchen is so old, counter tops have linoleum that have chipped away. Remodel the kitchen? No, too much money. Hire a sitter while he is at work? No, costs too much.
Another case: A woman I know has cerebral palsy. Her sister has cerebral palsy as well and her dad is in his 80s. She has 7 other brothers & sisters. None of them ever call to see if these 3 need anything. No one chips in to pay bills, buy medicine, see if they need food or anything. She says to me, "I grew up in the same household as all of these people, but I don’t know any of them. They just don’t care whether we live or die."
Another example: The daughter moved from out of state to get her mom out of a big 2-story house into a one-floor plan. There is a brother & sister-in-law who live in the same town. Never a phone call to see if anything is needed, an errand, help with paying for prescription drugs, taking to doctor appointments, help with anything around the house or yard, not even a call just to check & see how things are. Too busy. The mom had surgery. They couldn’t even go visit or be there during the surgery. Not even a phone call to see how surgery went.
My list of examples could go on and on. Where is it written that one child out of a whole household of children is to assume all care for aging parents? What if that one caregiver was no longer able to hold down those responsibilities? In my family, I volunteered because nobody else seemed to care what happened to my widowed mother. What if I weren’t around, then what? My siblings are in la-la land, and the thought would never even cross their self-centered minds that mom might need something. Or that I could use help. (even though I have mentioned it quite a few times, the cry for help goes unheeded) The sad part is, there are many, many caregivers who are in the same boat - nobody else in the family, no other siblings seem to care. Why is this?
The worst part is, there are nursing homes filled with elderly people who have children living in the same community who never even come to see them. Pop old mom or dad in a nursing home and forget they even exist. Go about your life.
It seems it is mostly one daughter to care for the aging parents, if anyone does. So, my rant is directed to the men. When did you last call your elderly mom or dad to see if they needed any money for prescriptions, for the utilities, for food? When was the last time you took them out to a nice dinner somewhere? When was the last time you called just to say hello? When was the last time you offered to mow the grass? When was the last time you checked to see if they had decent running transportation? Or if they just wanted to go to Wal-Mart? Do you remember birthdays and holidays?
If you live out of town and have a sibling doing the major caregiving, when was the last time you called that caregiver and asked if anything was needed? Doesn’t this all go along with honoring your mother and father?
Will these words make you angry and go ZOOM over your head, or will there be some conviction as to your Christian walk and some repentence whereby you walk the walk, not just talk the talk, especially when it comes to the people who gave you life and raised you? (no matter if they were good or bad parents, they are still your parents)
I don’t expect any responses. I don’t wish to debate. I am just broken hearted when I look around at elderly people and see the indifference of their children, especially among those who are supposedly Christians and supposedly walking with the Lord, yet neglect their own parents and parents' needs.
Too busy, don’t have the time, or better yet, are so self-centered and myopic they would never even allow the thought to enter their shallow heads that maybe mom and dad might possibly NEED something.
I know our society has changed and we no longer live like the Waltons. But is that an excuse for total neglect and selfishness and self-centeredness?
I hope some of you men out there will take some of what I’ve said to heart. Please. Life is too short. I truly believe that part of living for the Lord is to look after the needs of your family, especially the elderly. We will ALL be elderly and have needs some day, if the Lord tarries. I do believe we reap what we sow.
My rant is over. With a heavy heart, I sadly step down.
