The reason for dating

[Gina B]

So what is the purpose for my wife and I to go out on a date after 30 some years of marriage?

I agree with mandym. It's something relatively new to "date" your own wife and the intention is to keep the fire going and keep remembering the feelings both felt during the time they spent falling in love while they were initially dating.

I can tell you now that if my husband went on a date with a female, he'd be endangering our relationship. I'd be suspicious that he was cheating. If he went on a date with a man, I'd just be plain skeered!
The reason? It would bring up doubt about intentions.
And that doesn't just hold true for married couples. I see many teens dating, kissing, holding hands, giving a piece of their heart to the person they're dating and quite often they are NOT in the mindset of marriage. Where and what does that leave for their future spouse? It's really not fair to the future spouse to have to walk about running into people their spouse has previously given part of their heart too and possibly kissed and had romantic feelings for.

It's just not appropriate. True, not all dating relationships will work out, but the purpose and intention certainly isn't just friendship. If a single person wants to go out with someone of the opposite sex just for fun and companionship, they still should exercise TONS of caution to prevent gossip, misunderstandings, and other pitfalls. It's just plain old good sense to do such or to simply not do so at all.

I've talked to boys who insist they're just "friends" with one of my girls. Taken away from her and from their friends, EVERY SINGLE ONE has admitted they felt attracted. Every one. (well, except for a couple who are gay and not attracted to girls anyhow)

 

[mandym]

I think this is vital. We go on dates because we enjoy doing things together. 'Every date is a potential mate' does not really fit when a couple have been 'mates' for decades.

But that is a different context and you are allowed to have romance in that way. single people however have no business having such a thing. "Dating" in the context and understanding that we understand it here in the US should not be done among single folks unless there is the desire to seek out a mate. Jim's idea of dating is not the same thing as what has been previously talked about before he posted. Single men and women need to be careful about going out alone in any situation

 

[NaasPreacher (C4K)]

I agree with mandym. It's something relatively new to "date" your own wife and the intention is to keep the fire going and keep remembering the feelings both felt during the time they spent falling in love while they were initially dating.

Maybe I have been gone too long and this is indeed an 'American' thing. When my wife and I go out on a date it has nothing to do with keeping the fire going and remembering the feeling of falling in love. We go out on dates because we enjoy doing things together.

I don't understand why friends cannot go on a date without it being tied to marriage.

 

[annsni]

Maybe I have been gone too long and this is indeed an 'American' thing. When my wife and I go out on a date it has nothing to do with keeping the fire going and remembering the feeling of falling in love. We go out on dates because we enjoy doing things together.

I don't understand why friends cannot go on a date without it being tied to marriage.

I think it's OK for a guy and a girl to go out once in a while to get together without their being anything untoward but we also need to realize that there is a basic fact of attraction. Now, there might not be any attraction between the couple and that is why Jim said that there was no marriage prospect but I do believe that it can still be playing with fire because it's entirely possible for that relationship to mature into a romantic relationship.

With my daughters, I tell them that if there is a boy who is a friend of theirs and they want to hang out, hang out in groups. It is the best and safest way for them to have a relationship with a man who is not someone that they would want to marry. Keep it easy, keep it comfortable and do not allow it to get more "intimate" (not speaking sexually but instead emotionally) than that.

Let's put it another way - if I wanted to just hang out with a guy for companionship and I decided to go out to dinner with him alone, I do believe my husband would have the right to be upset. Does it mean I'm cheating on him? No. I just want to have a friendship - but because it's a man/woman relationship, it still has the potential to go elsewhere and that is what I need to guard against. So instead, I will hang out with other men WITH my husband. We will go in a group - which is just what I teach my girls.

 

[Gina B]

Exactly annsni. They're allowed to be in a group that includes guys, but they're not going out one-on-one.

So yeah, maybe the term "date" is used differently in the United States. Occasionally people will jokingly call something a date or fathers will make "dates" with their daughters (I personally find it an odd term to use with that) but typically, going on a date in the United States means you are out with someone you are attracted to and if one person is dating another person, it goes without saying that they're not dating anyone else. That's considered cheating. Some agree to not date exclusively, but that's generally not something I see in the Christian population.

 

[freeatlast]

I think it's OK for a guy and a girl to go out once in a while to get together without their being anything untoward but we also need to realize that there is a basic fact of attraction. Now, there might not be any attraction between the couple and that is why Jim said that there was no marriage prospect but I do believe that it can still be playing with fire because it's entirely possible for that relationship to mature into a romantic relationship.

With my daughters, I tell them that if there is a boy who is a friend of theirs and they want to hang out, hang out in groups. It is the best and safest way for them to have a relationship with a man who is not someone that they would want to marry. Keep it easy, keep it comfortable and do not allow it to get more "intimate" (not speaking sexually but instead emotionally) than that.

Let's put it another way - if I wanted to just hang out with a guy for companionship and I decided to go out to dinner with him alone, I do believe my husband would have the right to be upset. Does it mean I'm cheating on him? No. I just want to have a friendship - but because it's a man/woman relationship, it still has the potential to go elsewhere and that is what I need to guard against. So instead, I will hang out with other men WITH my husband. We will go in a group - which is just what I teach my girls.

Ann I would disagree with your friendship thing. If it were my wife I would see it as cheating and so should she if she had any understanding of a marriage..

 

[annsni]

Ann I would disagree with your friendship thing. If it were my wife I would see it as cheating and so should she if she had any understanding of a marriage..

LOL - We actually agree. I was giving an example to show that it is a problem in a marriage - so I believe it is a problem before it as well. I agree that it could be seen as cheating - even if it is not at all cheating and just nothing more than a platonic friendship. But because of the risk - it is best to not do it and I feel the same way in a relationship before marriage.