Things Jesus Didn’t Say

[Crabtownboy]

Things Jesus didn’t say:

From: Previously Undiscovered Manuscript Reveals Things Jesus Didn't Say | The Huffington Post

• ”Love your friends, bless those who bless you … and [Crude language edited] everybody else.”
• “If you had the faith of this mustard seed … you wouldn’t need all that fancy ‘affordable healthcare.’”
• “Blessed are the racists, for they will rise to great heights in the new administration.”
• “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? I mean, look at all these liberals, and their un-Christian ‘caring for widows, orphans, and the stranger.’ Why can’t they care about Christian stuff, like the 2nd amendment or school prayer?”
• “Go, sell all you have and give it to the richest one percent.”
• “Blessed are those who hate immigrants in my name, for they shall inherit all the jobs white people don’t want to do.”
• “Follow me and I will make you fishers of … people who look just like you.”
• “Give unto Caesar that which belongs to Caesar, and give unto God only what you can’t hide on your 1040.”
• “Let the little children come to me … unless they’re in Head Start or need help with school lunches, then cast them out into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of their tiny little teeth.”
• “Come unto me all ye who are weary and heavy laden … and I will make sure you have no union to watch over you.”
• “Go ye therefore into all the world … and make sure everybody hates Muslims. Because obviously.”
• “My God, my God, why do women not see that men should have the last word about what they do with their bodies?”
• “You have heard it said, ‘You shall not commit adultery, but I say to you … unless she’s a lot younger, prettier (like a model or whatever), and you’ve had enough foresight to sign a prenup.’”
• “You have heard it said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth, but I say to you … [Crude language edited]? They’ve got it coming.’”
• ”You have heard it said that healthcare should be a right for everyone, but I say to you, ‘If you can store up for yourselves another new Benz, even though it comes from money meant for poor people’s chemotherapy, then you should totally do it.’”
• “You cannot serve God and mammon … which is why it was important to have the Supreme Court rule favorably in Citizens United. Helps us keep to keep who’s who straight.”
• “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven … but if you have a suitably large investment portfolio, that definitely won’t hurt.”
• “If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also.” (Marginalia—“This only applies to People of Color and women in abusive relationships.”)
• “Again, you have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but I say to you … just kidding. That’s for suckers!”
• “And I, when I am lifted up, will draw all straight, cisgender, middle class white guys unto myself.”
• “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep … except refugees. They definitely do not count.”
• “So therefore , none of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions.” (Wait. Actually, he did say that, but he probably shouldn’t have.)

 

[HankD]

I hope this is a message to all - left, right and inbetween.

I also remember something He did say...

let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

But it looks like - Here we go again with the "throw grandma off the cliff..." propaganda.

Conservatives are just (if not more) generous in their giving than liberals.

OK to kill babies in the womb though for many/most liberals.

HankD.

 

[Alcott]

Things Jesus didn’t say:

From: Previously Undiscovered Manuscript Reveals Things Jesus Didn't Say | The Huffington Post

• ”Love your friends, bless those who bless you … and [Crude language edited] everybody else.”

No; he said fornication is the exception to getting a divorce. And that's even if you just [Crude language edited] one.


..If you had the faith of this mustard seed … you wouldn’t need all that fancy ‘affordable healthcare.’”

No-- but just how big a seed, then?

• “Blessed are the racists, for they will rise to great heights in the new administration.”

No, that was before; Eric Holder.

• “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? I mean, look at all these liberals, and their un-Christian ‘caring for widows, orphans, and the stranger.’ Why can’t they care about Christian stuff, like the 2nd amendment or school prayer?”

That's right; outlaw praying for one's school, and tell Jesus to shove it for saying to sell your garment and buy a sword.

• “Go, sell all you have and give it to the richest one percent.”

Who do you think you bought the junk from in the first place?

• “Blessed are those who hate immigrants in my name, for they shall inherit all the jobs white people don’t want to do.”

There ain't many hateworthy immigrants who come in his name.

• “Follow me and I will make you fishers of … people who look just like you.”

Oh, I'd use a mirror, then; why go to the trouble of baiting a hook?

• “Give unto Caesar that which belongs to Caesar, and give unto God only what you can’t hide on your 1040.”

I wonder why Matthew left the IRS [Infernal Roman 'Stortionists] when Jesus called him.

• “Let the little children come to me … unless they’re in Head Start or need help with school lunches, then cast them out into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of their tiny little teeth.”

Don't worry; they're baby teeth, so they'll grow back. [And who forbids Head Start from teaching children to come to Him?]

• “Come unto me all ye who are weary and heavy laden … and I will make sure you have no union to watch over you.”

I wonder why He doesn't watch over them Himself?

• “Go ye therefore into all the world … and make sure everybody hates Muslims. Because obviously.”

No; hating is just for Esau and your own family [Luke 14:26].

• “My God, my God, why do women not see that men should have the last word about what they do with their bodies?”

Because Jesus was a man and he must be contradicted? Or else consider Hagar and what she was ordered to do when she was just trying to get free.

• “You have heard it said, ‘You shall not commit adultery, but I say to you … unless she’s a lot younger, prettier (like a model or whatever), and you’ve had enough foresight to sign a prenup.’”

Who are you looking at? Is she on this board?

• “You have heard it said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth, but I say to you … [Crude language edited]? They’ve got it coming.’”

No, it's double vengeance [Revelation 18:8]. Get both eyes.

• ”You have heard it said that healthcare should be a right for everyone, but I say to you, ‘If you can store up for yourselves another new Benz, even though it comes from money meant for poor people’s chemotherapy, then you should totally do it.’”

You mean there's no current health care for the Benz?

• “You cannot serve God and mammon … which is why it was important to have the Supreme Court rule favorably in Citizens United. Helps us keep to keep who’s who straight.”

Why does whoever this is about have a lust for healthcare's mammon?

• “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven … but if you have a suitably large investment portfolio, that definitely won’t hurt.”

I don't know; ask bernie sanders about his investments. Then billary. Then all the kennedys.

• “If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also.” (Marginalia—“This only applies to People of Color and women in abusive relationships.”)

Turn that other cheek only to "people of color" or to women in abusive relationships? That would make us all one or the other-- men with red cheeks or abused women.

• “Again, you have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but I say to you … just kidding. That’s for suckers!”

I never put one sucker in my mouth that swore. I can't say the same for that "hot & spicy mussell" I had with the buffet today.

• “And I, when I am lifted up, will draw all straight, cisgender, middle class white guys unto myself.”

Then how crooked and pale must one be?

• “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep … except refugees. They definitely do not count.”

"It is not good to take the children's food and give it to the dogs" [Jesus]. But he may allow the dogs to get some scraps that fall under the table. Okay-that way's fine with me.

• “So therefore , none of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions.” (Wait. Actually, he did say that, but he probably shouldn’t have.)

No, he did not say that to everyone; he said to one man only. Regardless, have YOU done so? Have you no possessions whatsoever?

 

[Salty]

• ”Love your friends, bless those who bless you … EVEN THE RICH
  
• “If you had the faith of this mustard seed … THAT MAY BE ALL YOU NEED
  
• “Blessed are the racists, f THEY TOO CAN BE CHANGED
  
• “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? ” AND WE ALL HAVE
  
• “Go, sell all you have and give it to ... AND I WILL PROVIDE FOR YOU
  
• “Blessed are those who hate immigrants in my name, (WHO HATES IMMIGRANTES)

Well, you get the ideal

 

[carpro]

Thousands of books have been written filled with the things Jesus did not say. Thousands more will be written.

This is just another idiotic thread trying to use Jesus to score political points for the godless left.

 

[Esther Thompson]

Things Jesus didn’t say:

From: Previously Undiscovered Manuscript Reveals Things Jesus Didn't Say | The Huffington Post

• ”Love your friends, bless those who bless you … and [Crude language edited] everybody else.”
• “If you had the faith of this mustard seed … you wouldn’t need all that fancy ‘affordable healthcare.’”
• “Blessed are the racists, for they will rise to great heights in the new administration.”
• “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? I mean, look at all these liberals, and their un-Christian ‘caring for widows, orphans, and the stranger.’ Why can’t they care about Christian stuff, like the 2nd amendment or school prayer?”
• “Go, sell all you have and give it to the richest one percent.”
• “Blessed are those who hate immigrants in my name, for they shall inherit all the jobs white people don’t want to do.”
• “Follow me and I will make you fishers of … people who look just like you.”
• “Give unto Caesar that which belongs to Caesar, and give unto God only what you can’t hide on your 1040.”
• “Let the little children come to me … unless they’re in Head Start or need help with school lunches, then cast them out into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of their tiny little teeth.”
• “Come unto me all ye who are weary and heavy laden … and I will make sure you have no union to watch over you.”
• “Go ye therefore into all the world … and make sure everybody hates Muslims. Because obviously.”
• “My God, my God, why do women not see that men should have the last word about what they do with their bodies?”
• “You have heard it said, ‘You shall not commit adultery, but I say to you … unless she’s a lot younger, prettier (like a model or whatever), and you’ve had enough foresight to sign a prenup.’”
• “You have heard it said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth, but I say to you … [Crude language edited]? They’ve got it coming.’”
• ”You have heard it said that healthcare should be a right for everyone, but I say to you, ‘If you can store up for yourselves another new Benz, even though it comes from money meant for poor people’s chemotherapy, then you should totally do it.’”
• “You cannot serve God and mammon … which is why it was important to have the Supreme Court rule favorably in Citizens United. Helps us keep to keep who’s who straight.”
• “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven … but if you have a suitably large investment portfolio, that definitely won’t hurt.”
• “If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also.” (Marginalia—“This only applies to People of Color and women in abusive relationships.”)
• “Again, you have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but I say to you … just kidding. That’s for suckers!”
• “And I, when I am lifted up, will draw all straight, cisgender, middle class white guys unto myself.”
• “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep … except refugees. They definitely do not count.”
• “So therefore , none of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions.” (Wait. Actually, he did say that, but he probably shouldn’t have.)

 

[Esther Thompson]

Could you be more direct please in what you are trying to say so that I don't have to try to decipher all of it?

 

[carpro]

Could you be more direct please in what you are trying to say so that I don't have to try to decipher all of it?

There is no manuscript. It's all made up. Fiction.

 

[Christine Baker]

I guess that's supposed to be humorous but I'm afraid I don't get it?

 

[Esther Thompson]

Seems like it should be more like "Things that Jesus didn't say and neither did the Conservatives" Just kind of imagining things to set up one huge 'Straw Man' that doesn't exist so that they can then knock it down?


...or perhaps I just don't get it?

 

[The American Dream]

Cleanliness is next to godliness. Hezikiah 3:12

 

[HankD]

Seems like it should be more like "Things that Jesus didn't say and neither did the Conservatives" Just kind of imagining things to set up one huge 'Straw Man' that doesn't exist so that they can then knock it down?


...or perhaps I just don't get it?

Um, I think you got it Esther. Crabtownboy (CTB) usually has several posts per day attempting to knock down President Trump and those who support him

Personally I believe his heart is in the right place but his thinking is clouded by his ill feelings for President Trump.
He is however not alone with that status here at the BB.

Admittedly he does very often provide food for thought.

HankD

 

[Crabtownboy]

Um, I think you got it Esther. Crabtownboy (CTB) usually has several posts per day attempting to knock down President Trump and those who support him

Personally I believe his heart is in the right place but his thinking is clouded by his ill feelings for President Trump.
He is however not alone with that status here at the BB.

Admittedly he does very often provide food for thought.

HankD

Um, I think you got it Esther. Crabtownboy (CTB) usually has several posts per day attempting to knock down President Trump and those who support him

Personally I believe his heart is in the right place but his thinking is clouded by his ill feelings for President Trump.
He is however not alone with that status here at the BB.

Admittedly he does very often provide food for thought.

HankD

Hank, it is not that I have ill feelings about trump. I do believe he is a very flawed individual. What upsets me is his attitude, lack of honesty and policies he is pursuing. I believe he is doing and will do great harm to our country and especially to the people that supported him. We see that happening already.

I also do not understand how his staff can stand and repeat his proven lies as truth. I could not do that. I would have to resign from my job before I would do that.

Also, thanks for your kind comments.

 

[HankD]

Hank, it is not that I have ill feelings about trump. I do believe he is a very flawed individual. What upsets me is his attitude, lack of honesty and policies he is pursuing. I believe he is doing and will do great harm to our country and especially to the people that supported him. We see that happening already.

I also do not understand how his staff can stand and repeat his proven lies as truth. I could not do that. I would have to resign from my job before I would do that.

Also, thanks for your kind comments.

To a degree I concur with your feelings about President Trump.
We are all flawed.
His appeal to me was his pro-life stand.

So we are soon to see what will come of that with judge Gorsuch.

It has been my opinion that the world is headed for WWIII.
And that no matter who was elected.

Hopefully we will survive.

But as you know, we are exiles here as well as ambassadors.

HankD

 

[Crabtownboy]

To a degree I concur with your feelings about President Trump.
We are all flawed.
His appeal to me was his pro-life stand.

He has lied so often about so much that I do not trust him on any issue. I'll just have to wait and see.

So we are soon to see what will come of that with judge Gorsuch.

Yes.

It has been my opinion that the world is headed for WWIII.
And that no matter who was elected.

I sincerely hope that you are wrong. There will be no or just a few people left alive if that happens ... and those folk will be the unlucky ones. Maybe a few people on remote places.

Hopefully we will survive.

Because of where we live you and I will not survive.

But as you know, we are exiles here.

HankD

Exiles perhaps, but we have responsibilities to others while we are here.

 

[carpro]

I do believe he is a very flawed individual. What upsets me is his attitude, lack of honesty and policies he is pursuing. I believe he is doing and will do great harm to our country and especially to the people that supported him. We see that happening already.

I'm so glad you are finally recognizing your support of Obama was in error. You have described him perfectly.

 

[HankD]

Exiles perhaps, but we have responsibilities to others while we are here.

yes, we are ambassadors as well.


HankD

 

[just-want-peace]

Seems like it should be more like "Things that Jesus didn't say and neither did the Conservatives" Just kind of imagining things to set up one huge 'Straw Man' that doesn't exist so that they can then knock it down?


...or perhaps I just don't get it?

Oh, you got it!! It'sjust that the OP poster keeps throwing stuff against the wall hoping that some of it sticks!!

 

[Bro. Curtis]

Jesus never said to leave charity to the government.

And I couldn't help noticing the author of this OP still hasn't sold his computer and donated the money to the poor.

 

[Crabtownboy]

Jesus never said to leave charity to the government.

And I couldn't help noticing the author of this OP still hasn't sold his computer and donated the money to the poor.

And he never said not to. But he did say we are to take care of the widows, children, the poor and charity through the government is one way of helping.

Your argument is a false one. If you only did what Jesus specifically said you can do you would still be riding a donkey, walking in sandals, working only with hand tools. You could never drive a car, ride an airplane, or post messages on any BB.