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Views on Romantic Relationships
- Thread starter Taitlynn!
- Start date
One thing to consider is the vast difference between how the bible defines love and the world does. The biblical definition of love (1 Cor 13:4-7) is essentially selflessness. The worldly definition of love is often a combination of emotional sensations such as lust, anticipation, expectation, and a variety of self-stimulations.
Here is a booklet title "The Traditional Christians guide to the Family in Modern Times. If two people are seeking romance without marriage or family, there will be trouble. The sacrifices needed to make family work is consistent with the Christian objective of transitioning from the flesh (selfishness) to the Spirit (selflessness).
pdf version http://christianpioneer.com/ebooks/traditional.pdf
web pages Christian Pioneer - The Traditional Christian's Guide to the Family in Modern Times
Here is a booklet title "The Traditional Christians guide to the Family in Modern Times. If two people are seeking romance without marriage or family, there will be trouble. The sacrifices needed to make family work is consistent with the Christian objective of transitioning from the flesh (selfishness) to the Spirit (selflessness).
pdf version http://christianpioneer.com/ebooks/traditional.pdf
web pages Christian Pioneer - The Traditional Christian's Guide to the Family in Modern Times
The modern mentality even among Baptists is "Dating = Mating". I attended two fundamental Baptist colleges with very strict dating regulations. Of course, I didn't LIKE restrictions, but it certainly was the best to develop spiritual relationship and not just physical.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God.
It sounds off topic and doesn’t seem to answer the question at the outset. It does.
Everything we do should be to bring honor to God. If you commit your way to the Lord, He will bring it to pass. If you allow for God to choose what is best for you, He will make it clear what you should be doing. This involves any area of your life, work, school, friends, and especially significant friends. Don’t get lost in emotions. The heart is deceitful. God’s Word is a light to your path.
Proverbs 18:2
A fool hath no delight in understanding,
but that his heart may discover itself.
That said, the best way to stay away from trouble is to keep yourself accountable. That simply means that when you meet your would be future relation, (whatever you call that meeting makes no difference) do it where someone else can give an account of your actions. Take your parents or someone with you who will encourage you to do right in the process of your relationships. They should be better judges of character and not as emotionally involved. Value their thoughts. As Dr. Bob said, it is not always your idea of a good time, but it is the best way. Stick to the rules. They are there to protect you, not ruin you.
Also understand that when you are married, you can spend as much of your life as you desire, unchaperoned. Your quality of life will not be damaged by having people around.
It can actually be an advantage. Having someone else to drive you around gives you more time to devote to your relationship instead of the road (assuming that you ever go out to eat, or have some kind of activity)
In my experience, regardless of what people call it, courtship, dating, getting to know someone, etc, it is all the same thing. The standard or rules of interaction are different for nearly everyone. That is why colleges have rules/ standards on the subject.
Also, a word of caution.
Pay careful attention to what advice you get. You are asking advice from people you don’t really know. You don’t have any benchmark of character for anybody here that you cannot see in person how they live and how their thoughts affect their lives. Don’t just assume that everyone is full of great advice.
Dating has changed, I learned.
My son was "talking" to a girl for about a year. This means they were friends. Went to a movie now and then. Then they discussed whether they should date.
Dating is done, apparently, with marriage in mind sometimes in the future if things work out.
So they decided to date. But they set rules for themselves. They will not be together at one another's home if nobody else is there, they go home by 1030 pm, etc.
It is not legalism anymore than the guard rail on the side of the road. It’s there to prevent you from going in the ditch.
The advice you gave could be called legalism. What are groups but extra chaperones. So you suggest many chaperones instead of one? I don’t know what your experience is with chaperones but a dictionary definition is
chaperone /shăp′ə-rōn″
- A guide or companion whose purpose is to ensure propriety or restrict activity.
- An older person who attends and supervises a social gathering for young people.
My wife and I were both Virgins when married, and never kissed even until at time of the ceremony, but celebrating 27 years this montha nd 2 grown boys later
When my wife and I first met, we usually could meet one day per week and on weekends only, and my commute was 90 miles to get there, and only week day could meet was Wen so always was in Church and was helping to teach childrens church with her
Chaperones are absolutely not legalism. Legalism is thinking that rules make you righteous. Chaperones are there to help the young people keep from temptation. These are two totally different things.
Christian courtship is far safer and more helpful than the "dating" practice which has been around since before WW2 in the US.
As a senior in high school I began praying for God's will for a wife for me. I was perfectly willing to serve God with or without a wife. All I wanted was God's will for me, and I prayed in that way. My prayer was, "Lord, lead me to the wife you have for me in such a way that everyone knows you did it, so you get the glory." I prayed this for 9 years, and then God answered.
In college, I always dated with the idea of finding a girl suitable to walk with Jesus with me to the mission field. That meant I never got more than two dates with a girl. As a missionary candidate on deputation, people tried to set me up with different young ladies, but that never worked out. Then one day a young lady named Patty went before the candidate committee of my mission board. Two of the men said right in front of her, "We ought to get John to write this girl!" She was amazed, and didn't know what to think, but God was working.
The two preachers both told me about her, and we began to write, then met at our board's annual meeting in the fall of 1978. I went home and prayed, "Lord, is she the one?" She went home and prayed, "Lord, I want to marry John on May 5 of next year!" I proposed in January, and when we looked at my deputation schedule, the only time I had for a wedding was May 5! We were married on that day, served God in Japan for 33 years after finishing deputation together and having a son, and now for the past 11 years we have served God together in the States in a Bible college.
So here is biblical courtship: surrender to God even the possibility of marriage, pray earnestly for however long it takes, and wait on God!
Oh, and by the way, our son prayed over 20 years for a wife, and was married a couple of years ago in his 40s. They now have our precious granddaughter, with another one on the way. (Picture attached.) Never stop praying! My son and I now teach in Bible college together.
As a senior in high school I began praying for God's will for a wife for me. I was perfectly willing to serve God with or without a wife. All I wanted was God's will for me, and I prayed in that way. My prayer was, "Lord, lead me to the wife you have for me in such a way that everyone knows you did it, so you get the glory." I prayed this for 9 years, and then God answered.
In college, I always dated with the idea of finding a girl suitable to walk with Jesus with me to the mission field. That meant I never got more than two dates with a girl. As a missionary candidate on deputation, people tried to set me up with different young ladies, but that never worked out. Then one day a young lady named Patty went before the candidate committee of my mission board. Two of the men said right in front of her, "We ought to get John to write this girl!" She was amazed, and didn't know what to think, but God was working.
The two preachers both told me about her, and we began to write, then met at our board's annual meeting in the fall of 1978. I went home and prayed, "Lord, is she the one?" She went home and prayed, "Lord, I want to marry John on May 5 of next year!" I proposed in January, and when we looked at my deputation schedule, the only time I had for a wedding was May 5! We were married on that day, served God in Japan for 33 years after finishing deputation together and having a son, and now for the past 11 years we have served God together in the States in a Bible college.
So here is biblical courtship: surrender to God even the possibility of marriage, pray earnestly for however long it takes, and wait on God!
Oh, and by the way, our son prayed over 20 years for a wife, and was married a couple of years ago in his 40s. They now have our precious granddaughter, with another one on the way. (Picture attached.) Never stop praying! My son and I now teach in Bible college together.
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Piper 2
Member
The Joshua Harris "chaperones are required and only courting is allowed" is legalism, IMHO.
Apparently he doesn’t either.
It seems he ha also changed his opinion.
“I no longer agreed with the central idea of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, that dating should be avoided,” he wrote. Harris also announced that he and his publisher had agreed to discontinue the book and its sequels in 2018.Harris apologized specifically to the “LGBTQ+ people” for “any pain or exclusion” his writings caused. Since renouncing his earlier work, Harris’ marriage ended in 2019, and he said he no longer identifies as an Evangelical Christian.
I have not read his book but I don’t think much of him now. I probably wouldn’t have then. But chaperones are not legalism anymore than a classroom monitor or a police officer on the street. They are there to help people stay out of trouble.
I am not saying this about you. I don’t know you. Anyone I have known who hated chaperones (in their place) ended up finding a time without them and regretting it.
I fail to see the value of avoiding them.
Piper 2
Member
There is no need for them.
Years ago, someone told us: " Every date is a potential Mate!"
So, Harris taught you can't be saved unless you follow some kind of courtship model?
Armor is added weight, extra expense, and it doesn’t always seem to be effective. For hundreds of years people didn’t see the value of it. Sometime after the Civil War people began reconsidering the value of personal protection. You may not see the value of it but that doesn’t mean the value isn’t real.
Get married.