Wanted: A good deacon joke/story

[GBC Pastor]

I'm looking for a good joke/story about deacons to add to my sermon. Not looking to bash my deacons so please leave those kind of jokes out. Just looking for something funny to liven up the sermon. It amazed me that out of the hundreds of illustration, quote, and joke books I possess not one of them had a good story or joke about deacons. I found hundreds for pastors, but not one good one for deacons.

 

[JMSR]

I once saw a deacon at a church function put a miniature marshmellow in his nose to mess with a cranky old lady and he blew it out, meaning to miss, but he didn't. It went right in her hot chocolate. I can't describe the look on her face. Not a joke but it was certainly funny, especially to a pre teen kid.

 

[David Michael Harris]

I know one about lawyers, if you can adapt it? What do you throw a drowning lawyer? His partners.

 

[Deacon]

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."

Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off."

Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

Kenny: "Sure I can."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $900."

Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"

Kenny: Just the guy that won. So I gave him his money back.

Kenny grew up to be the deacon in charge of finance at the local Baptist Church

 

[just-want-peace]

Kenny grew up to be the deacon in charge of finance at the local Baptist Church

I heard this joke years ago, and still love it---BUT you put an ending I've never seen/heard---love it too!!!

 

[Salty]

Deacon Jones had a Baptist horse named Son-of-Deacon. Well, a new pastor had come to lead the church, but had no transportation. So Deacon Jones agreed to sell So-of-Deacon to the Pastor.

As they were talking, the Deacon told pastor, that to get him going you had to say "Praise the Lord" and to get him to stop, you had to say "Amen!"

So the pastor tried it. "Praise the Lord" and the horse started, once again Pastor said "Praise the Lord" and the horse went even faster! Finally, after one more strong "Praise the Lord" Son-of-Deacon was at a full gallop. Soon the pastor was coming to a cliff. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa" , but the horse would not stop! Finally, Pastor Mitchell remembers "Amen" and the horse stop on a dime just inches from the 500 foot cliff. Relieved that he was now safe from harm, Pastor Mitchell took off his hat, wiped his brow, look up to Heaven and said "Praise the Lord"

Salty

 

[billreber]

I heard this story long ago, but can't remember who told it to me:

A young man, dirty, stinking, and dressed in rags, came into a sanctuary just as the Sunday morning worship service began. As he looked for a seat, nobody was willing to allow him to sit by them, and they shifted their bodies to fill the pews, so he could find no seat. At last, he sat down on the floor right at the front of the sanctuary, centered on the aisle he had walked down.

An elderly deacon, who had been watching from his seat near the back of the church, slowly stood up and made his way down the aisle. It was obvious that the congregation was pleased that this long-time and highly respected deacon was going to do something about this filthy ragamuffin at the front of the church. When the deacon got to the front, he slowly got down and sat beside the young man, and shook his hand, prayed with him, and acted like he had found a long-lost friend!

While I do not remember where I heard this, I do remember that the person who told me, wanted me (a deacon-in-training) to learn the heart of a deacon. It worked!

Bill :godisgood:

 

[Deacon]

That one must be making the rounds.
I heard it for the first time just a few days ago during a memorial service.

This is the way it was told:

There was a certain church was looking for ways to reach out to the college youth in their town.
A young man came to church that very week, very much dressed down.
The church was full and he couldn't find a seat so he wandered forward and plopped himself down on the floor right in front of the pastor. Everyone wondered what to do and who would do it.
After a bit, an elderly grey-haired deacon with some discomfort walked forward.
All eyes were on him as he made his way slowly forward. The expectation was that he would reprimand the youth.
But with all grace, he asked if there was room and sat down beside him.

Rob

 

[GBC Pastor]

Think I'm going with the raffling off the dead donkey story! Very funny!

 

[Salty]

Think I'm going with the raffling off the dead donkey story! Very funny!

I guess La, just doesnt get Yankee humor....

Salty

PS - GBC - do you need a horse........

 

[Marcia]

Deacon Jones had a Baptist horse named Son-of-Deacon. Well, a new pastor had come to lead the church, but had no transportation. So Deacon Jones agreed to sell So-of-Deacon to the Pastor.

As they were talking, the Deacon told pastor, that to get him going you had to say "Praise the Lord" and to get him to stop, you had to say "Amen!"

So the pastor tried it. "Praise the Lord" and the horse started, once again Pastor said "Praise the Lord" and the horse went even faster! Finally, after one more strong "Praise the Lord" Son-of-Deacon was at a full gallop. Soon the pastor was coming to a cliff. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa" , but the horse would not stop! Finally, Pastor Mitchell remembers "Amen" and the horse stop on a dime just inches from the 500 foot cliff. Relieved that he was now safe from harm, Pastor Mitchell took off his hat, wiped his brow, look up to Heaven and said "Praise the Lord"

Salty

Raffling off the dead donkey and this one had me in stitches.

My son came over and I had him read both of them - he really was laughing, and I was laughing again, too! So thanks, Salty, and Deacon! :wavey:

 

[padredurand]

One Sunday morning the Devil himself made a personal visit to the Maplewood Road Second Baptist Church. The congregation panicked and, led by their still-wet-behind-the-ears preacher, bolted for the door. All of them except for Old Deacon Jones.

Long a fixture at the Maplewood Road Second Baptist Church, Deacon Jones sat boldly in his place in the first pew, left side and on the aisle. Well the Devil slithered his way to stand over Deacon Jones. With a breath of sulpher the Devil leaned over Deacon Jones and hissed, "Aren't you afraid of me, old man?"

"Nope," replied Deacon Jones, "I've been married to your sister for 60 years."

:wavey:

 

[abcgrad94]

This thread should come with a warning: do not read while drinking water!

 

[tinytim]

I heard this story long ago, but can't remember who told it to me:

A young man, dirty, stinking, and dressed in rags, came into a sanctuary just as the Sunday morning worship service began. As he looked for a seat, nobody was willing to allow him to sit by them, and they shifted their bodies to fill the pews, so he could find no seat. At last, he sat down on the floor right at the front of the sanctuary, centered on the aisle he had walked down.

An elderly deacon, who had been watching from his seat near the back of the church, slowly stood up and made his way down the aisle. It was obvious that the congregation was pleased that this long-time and highly respected deacon was going to do something about this filthy ragamuffin at the front of the church. When the deacon got to the front, he slowly got down and sat beside the young man, and shook his hand, prayed with him, and acted like he had found a long-lost friend!

While I do not remember where I heard this, I do remember that the person who told me, wanted me (a deacon-in-training) to learn the heart of a deacon. It worked!

Bill :godisgood:

Must have not been a Baptist church, because we all know there is always seats on the front pew in a Baptist church cause noone ever sits there! LOL

 

[billreber]

tinytim said:

Must have not been a Baptist church, because we all know there is always seats on the front pew in a Baptist church cause noone ever sits there! LOL

Times they are a-changing, Tim! In my church the YOUTH fill up the first three or four rows on the right side of the sanctuary, every Sunday. The left side is "reserved" (unofficially) for the worship team and family members, and is always full.

Bill :godisgood:

 

[FriendofSpurgeon]

tinytim said:



Times they are a-changing, Tim! In my church the YOUTH fill up the first three or four rows on the right side of the sanctuary, every Sunday. The left side is "reserved" (unofficially) for the worship team and family members, and is always full.

Bill :godisgood:

Ours too. [Really weird. We always sat in the back when I was a kid.] Plus, a lot of the older ones [especially when they are home from college] sit with their parents.