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What makes a couple married

Bro. Curtis

<img src =/curtis.gif>
Site Supporter
Bro. Curtis, thanks for the reply. This is an excellent example to discuss.

It seems to me this couple has more of a marriage than a couple who had a church wedding, have a marriage certificate but have ended up hating each other, having nasty disagreements, playing children off against the other, etc.

The second couple, to me, may be married, but they do not have a marriage.


I have mulled this question of what makes a marriage for a number of years and have decided that simply because a couple are legally married does not mean they have a marriage.

In some states, I think currently about 15, common law marriages are recognized. Again, this is a legally recognized state of marriage. But, a gain this may not mean the couple has a marriage.

It seems to me that to have a true marriage there has to be a good, loving, faithful relationship.

I welcome thoughtful ideas on this as I am still pondering the question.

After all the dishonesty you have shown me, in the past, I hardly welcome your support. It seems you are just as judgemental as anyone else with your first statement, here.
 

12strings

Active Member
A couple meets, falls in love, promises unending devotion, lives together, has children, raises them proper in all aspects of life, and lives, struggles, laughs, and ages together, until one of the passes.

What sins have they committed ?

This fits my desription of a ficticious couple on a deserted island...no minister or government to marry them...but they covenant before God to join until death.

HOWEVER, were that couple to live in my town in midwestern U.S. To forego the minister and government license would be to bring needless questions of purity on them, and a loving, leading man who really loved his bride-to-be, would not put her through that shame of a percieved "shacking-up" just to prove a point that he doesn't need anyone to marry them...(just as, by the way, a godly young man will not go spend the night at his girlfriend's house with just the 2 of them...even if they just watch TV and then sleep in different rooms...He is needlessly opening her up to charges of immorality...not being very loving to her.)

That said, I can foresee a time in which government definitions of marraige are meaningless, so many Christians my chose to only have a ceremony with their church, but not get the govt. license.
 

Crabtownboy

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
After all the dishonesty you have shown me, in the past, I hardly welcome your support. It seems you are just as judgemental as anyone else with your first statement, here.

You are so polite, even when someone agrees with you.

It is a foolish person who does not agree with another on one point, even if that person is wrong on so many others.

My first statement is speculation. I did not make a definite statement. I said, "It seems to me .............." That is not a judgmental statement. If I were to make a judgmental statement I would say "That couple is definitely ...........

I am and have been thinking this subject over and have not come to firm conclusions. I do welcome other rational comments on this and I am open to change if I see another person's statement to be truth[/].
 

Bro. Curtis

<img src =/curtis.gif>
Site Supporter
You are so polite, even when someone agrees with you.

It is a foolish person who does not agree with another on one point, even if that person is wrong on so many others......[/].

Please. After the comments you have made about me wanting my spouse to die, and the twists & distortions you have added to my words, I would be a fool to fight alongside of you. We are not friends, and I despise just about everything you have tried to do to this blog site.

No, we cannot be friends.
 

Bro. Curtis

<img src =/curtis.gif>
Site Supporter
Also, the point of the stumbling block it puts up for weak Christians is a good one.

A promise in front of God, to each other, is as good as a promise in front of God and the state, to each other. The breaking of either is the sin, and both just as grave as the other.
 

Aaron

Member
Site Supporter
Marriage is the basis of human society. How is it that one begins to question something so fundamental and elementary?

A teenager once asked me, "Why marriage?"

My answer: "Children."
 

Berean

Member
Site Supporter
I did not want to guide another thread on marriage down a different rabbit track and decided to post my question in a new thread.

What makes a marriage a marriage in God's eye.

It is:

a marriage certificate?
a ceremony performed in a church or before a justice?
a commitment between two people who love for each other to be faithful and live their life together with no marriage certificate or ceremony?

What makes a marriage in God's eye?
You said it in the commitment to each other , not to the children. If the husband and wife meet each other needs there will be more then enough love left over for the children. Oh how I hate to hear the statement, All I live for is my children".
 

MB

Well-Known Member
I did not want to guide another thread on marriage down a different rabbit track and decided to post my question in a new thread.

What makes a marriage a marriage in God's eye.

It is:

a marriage certificate?
a ceremony performed in a church or before a justice?
a commitment between two people who love for each other to be faithful and live their life together with no marriage certificate or ceremony?

What makes a marriage in God's eye?
Marriage is a contract between a man and a woman. With vows to honor Love and be true to one another the vows are a sworn oath to abide by the vows.
MB
 

percho

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
Let me ask the question in a different manner.

What definition of marriage would apply to all persons in all ages? What aspects of marriage would qualify a man & women as married in the eyes of God regardless of the time, location, or the law?

For those who cite the law of the land, what about slaves who "jumped the broom" in contradiction to the law? Were their marriages legitimate or not? Why or why not? I believe they were married because marriage is not entered into by the permission or authority of the state. It is a vow made between two people & consummated in the marriage bed.

The objective of my post.

Two people, ratified.

Therefore what would create adultery?
 

percho

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
Genesis 2: KJB
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Cleave: Webster's 1828 Dictionary http://www.1828-dictionary.com/d/search/word,cleave


Covenant: Websters 1828 http://www.1828-dictionary.com/d/search/word,covenant



I've got a question that I've wondered about for quite some time. Hope someone can shed more light on this.

and they shall be one flesh.

How can man and woman become one flesh?

They make their covenant with God, then cleave to each other on their wedding night.

One man plus one woman = one child (one flesh) A portion from one (DNA contribution) received and combined with a portion from the other become one flesh when a child is conceived.

At the point and time that they cleave to each other, isn't that the equivalent of radification (consumation) of their marriage?

The man and woman aren't one flesh, themselves. Their union can produce one flesh.

Right? Wrong? The child they conceive is the "one flesh" spoken of in this scripture?

I think we also have to keep in mind that verse 24 Gen 2 follows verse 23 And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

Also keeping in mind that this taken from him was as a help meet, which I think has the same connotation as the Greek word for Comforter, the Holy Spirit.

They two shall be one flesh. I don't know what all this means but somehow believe it to be relevant, baring in mind that Paul uses the same words concerning Christ and the church.
 

michael-acts17:11

Member
Site Supporter
The objective of my post.

Two people, ratified.

Therefore what would create adultery?

Throughout history, there have been classes of people, slaves, servants, etc, who could not legally marry. If legal ratification is impossible, are they living in sin? No, they are living according to God's law, not man's. God said leave, cleave, & become one flesh. He didn't say secular approval was necessary. Now, I am not saying we should not obtain state licensing. I'm just answering the question of Biblical marriage which God recognizes. Biblical marriage is right regardless of secular law just as adultery is wrong regardless of secular law.

Adultery is created when either spouse breaks his/her vow by giving any portion or part of the physical or emotional marital relationship to another person.
 

righteousdude2

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
Hey CTB...I'm still Waiting for Your Answer???

What Does CTB Say A Marriage Is?


CTB says, "What makes a marriage in God's eye? "

RD2 asks, "Before I even answer this, I want to hear the inner thinkings of CTB on this question he so wel posed! Well. I'm waiting!"


:wavey: And I guess, I'm still waiting, as this is my second attempt to get the Crab to answer the same question he asks everyone else to answer! :wavey:
 

percho

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
Throughout history, there have been classes of people, slaves, servants, etc, who could not legally marry. If legal ratification is impossible, are they living in sin? No, they are living according to God's law, not man's. God said leave, cleave, & become one flesh. He didn't say secular approval was necessary. Now, I am not saying we should not obtain state licensing. I'm just answering the question of Biblical marriage which God recognizes. Biblical marriage is right regardless of secular law just as adultery is wrong regardless of secular law.

Adultery is created when either spouse breaks his/her vow by giving any portion or part of the physical or emotional marital relationship to another person.


We are in agreement.
 

Crabtownboy

Well-Known Member
Site Supporter
What Does CTB Say A Marriage Is?


CTB says, "What makes a marriage in God's eye? "

RD2 asks, "Before I even answer this, I want to hear the inner thinkings of CTB on this question he so wel posed! Well. I'm waiting!"


:wavey: And I guess, I'm still waiting, as this is my second attempt to get the Crab to answer the same question he asks everyone else to answer! :wavey:

Righteous, I ask the question attempting to gain an understanding. I have not come to a conclusion on the answer. Also I am interested in the difference in being married and having a marriage. My feeling is just because a couple is married does not mean they have a marriage. I am not at all sure how God views this situation.

How about helping us out here.
 

Oldtimer

New Member
Throughout history, there have been classes of people, slaves, servants, etc, who could not legally marry. If legal ratification is impossible, are they living in sin? No, they are living according to God's law, not man's. God said leave, cleave, & become one flesh. He didn't say secular approval was necessary. Now, I am not saying we should not obtain state licensing. I'm just answering the question of Biblical marriage which God recognizes. Biblical marriage is right regardless of secular law just as adultery is wrong regardless of secular law.

Adultery is created when either spouse breaks his/her vow by giving any portion or part of the physical or emotional marital relationship to another person.

Well said! :thumbs:
 

12strings

Active Member
Marriage is the basis of human society. How is it that one begins to question something so fundamental and elementary?

A teenager once asked me, "Why marriage?"

My answer: "Children."


What if someone knows that for some medical or accident reason that they cannot have kids...should they never get married?
 

12strings

Active Member
Also I am interested in the difference in being married and having a marriage. My feeling is just because a couple is married does not mean they have a marriage. I am not at all sure how God views this situation.

I think I know what you are trying to say, but I think the words you are using muddy the issue. If a couple has made marraige vows, and because of sin on one or both's part, then I would say they are still married, AND they also have a marraige. I don't see how these can mean 2 different things according to normal english usage. I would simply say they have a "struggling" marraige, or a "bad" marraige, or a "hate-filled" marraige.

I don't think God sees their marraige as any less valid, just one that is filled with more sin than love. It does not give them recourse to absolve the marraige on the excuse that "Well, it's like we're no longer married anyway." They are forgetting the covenant part if they do that.

Here's some great lyrics to another Andrew Peterson song about marriage:

Oh, lets go dancing in the minefields,
And sailing in the storms,
Oh, this is harder than we dreamed,
But I believe that's what the promise is for.
That's what the promise is for.
 
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