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What Would You Do? (Sensitive/Not family-friendly)

Discussion in 'Pastoral Ministries' started by Batt4Christ, Feb 7, 2012.

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  1. matt wade

    matt wade Well-Known Member

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    There's nothing to debate. You said every sexual offender was a repeat offender. The facts don't show that.
     
    #81 matt wade, Feb 13, 2012
  2. gb93433

    gb93433 Active Member
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    We know pedophiles are leading churches now. Their crime has not happened and if it has it is not known. A friend of mine had a music leader that both of us had known for several years. He had served under the same pastor something like 20 years Nothing happened until he just seemed to snap. Al the mess in the church was over a period of just a few months and police came to investigate. My friend the pastor was blamed for bring the music leader on. I do not know of one person who ever suspected that he would do anything. There is no such thing as 100% security. Years ago I had a very muscular student in class and was later told that he had murdered someone. I had to check myself after that to make sure I was treating him as I always had. It was very hard to do that.
     
    #82 gb93433, Feb 14, 2012
  3. Batt4Christ

    Batt4Christ Member
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    Haven't been back here in a while - but felt the need to revisit this - and there are a few new pages since I last checked.

    The portion I quoted above caused me to go back to the OP and sure enough, I left out an important step in the events... I spoke with the man in question and he asked to speak to the deacons - this is what initiated me calling the deacons together so that I could allow them some "heads-up".

    That being said, maybe I just should have honored the man's request, calling them together and allowing him to open that can in that context.

    What i do know is that he has semi returned to his previous church (where his brother still pastors). When I say "semi", I mean that they have been back inconsistently. Apparently, he has told some there a far different story than what was told to me and our deacons, and showed a lack of remorse towards his crime in that setting as well, so its not surprising that he and his family haven't been consistent there.

    A question that absolutely must be asked - A "born-again" Christian man, who offends, particularly in what he did - then years later, when the crime comes to light to people that trusted him and showed him nothing but love and friendship, he fails to portray andy remorse for the actual crime - only regrets about the price HE paid for the crime... does that not leave grounds for concern?

    I still find myself from time-to-time remembering some of my less-savory exploits that came many years before I trusted Christ - and I still feel remorse for how I hurt others (thought these were not crimes - just poor treatment of some people in my life) and have actually spoken to many that I could contact to specifically ask for forgiveness.

    Could this have all been handled better - maybe so. But I have never before been in a position anything like it. I prayed a great deal over this and chose the closest thing I could to biblical principals (at least as I could see at the time). Go to the brother who has offended you (his offense to me? failure to disclose so that it could be addressed in the proper context - a way that might not have even resulted in a breaking of fellowship... but that is all speculation when after the fact). The brother gets defensive and wanted to speak to the deacons (this man was the son of a preacher/missionary and holds a high view of deacons). I "pre-meet" (is that a real word?) in an effort to keep them from being blindsided - possibly one of my biggest mistakes, then allow him to speak his mind. His answers caused more concern that any of us had prior to this meeting. Subsequent conversation with this brother resulted in some pretty wild answers and redirection of blame back towards his ex wife and the victim.

    At that point, what other choice was there?
     
    #83 Batt4Christ, Apr 22, 2012
  4. freeatlast

    freeatlast New Member

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    There are several issues here. One is your claim that he still blames his wife in part. That is too vague. What does that mean? If he is blaming her for his sin in this area then there is a problem, but if not then while he still may have an issue with accepting full responsibility for something it is not the same as not accepting full responsibility for this sin.

    Next why should he have to disclose his past sins? If that is expected then every member needs to disclose their past. All murderers, fornicators, adulterers, did you keep your wife pure before marriage, thieves and on and on. Keep in mind that someone who has done adultery in the past could do it in the fuyure and steal the preachers wife or the preacher. By the way make sure they give all the past details.

    You mentioned that he is actually doing things to keep any suspicion off him. That is good as it shows that he understands the concern and does not want to cause any unnecessary unrest. I noticed you called him a pedophile/sex offender . Are you suggesting he is till engaged in this sin? If not then do you and the deacons refer to all your members by their past sins? Why not? What label do you and the deacons place on yourselves?

    All that to say this. I think the church, including the Pastor and deacons, are probably way too immature for past repentant sinners, for this man to remain. In other words unless this church is newly formed in the last 10 years or so that church is in a sad state. Keep in mind that incest is not new and churches have had these people “such were some of you” in them from the beginning not to mention those who continue to judge them because of their past. Instead of harming his faith because of the churches immaturity and telling him to leave I would suggest that the deacons and pastor get together in private with no one knowing, not even their wives, and ask the Lord to sway this man to attend another larger more mature church, where he can keep his past quiet like most of the rest of the people do who attend or to grow this immature people of this church into a mature one so they can receive people who have sinned in the past.
     
    #84 freeatlast, May 22, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: May 22, 2012
  5. agedman

    agedman Well-Known Member
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    From what you have stated in the OP and this post (and I have read all the others) you probably handled it in the best way possible.

    Character flaws are not resolved by geographical changes. Some consider that "prison" will change a person's character - rarely.

    Personally my desire to protect the innocence of naturally trusting children would oblige (had the person stayed in the assembly) for an explanatory letter (including some redacted documentations) and followup question answer session with the congregation to be scheduled. Depending on the general goals and attitudinal reaction to the letter by the assembly, it may not have been inappropriate to invite the victims in hope of at least a groundwork for reconciliation/forgiveness and conditional healing could take place.

    Doubtful any of that would work, though.

    The chances are the person would bolt and run if they knew in their core that being "exposed" would show them a fraud. However, if truly humble and repentant, they would face any critical examination and desire all to be edified to God's glory. The person's character would display their own heart.
     
    #85 agedman, May 22, 2012
  6. Alive in Christ

    Alive in Christ New Member

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    ......

    Ooops.

    Sorry. I didnt know I was on the forum for pastors.

    I deleted my response.
     
    #86 Alive in Christ, Jun 13, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 13, 2012
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