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White parents with daughters . . .
- Thread starter billwald
- Start date
From a preference standpoint...
it would be preferable that my kids bring home an hispanic boyfriend/girlfriend.
it would be preferable that my kids bring home an hispanic boyfriend/girlfriend.
Thinkingstuff
Active Member
Crabtownboy said:
What in the world is that kind of question? I would hope to see past ethnicity and see character. There are African Americans with great character. There are white people with horrible character. There are arabs that are well educated and kind. There are Irish terrorist. There are Chinese who are very honest and american business men who are corrupt. Human beings are just that and a man or woman should be judge independently on their character not ethnicity.
Thinkingstuff said:
In a perfect world this would be the answer, but you and I know that will never be achieved. The Bible says man looks on the outward appearance and God looks on the heart. It would be nice if we lived in a world where we all viewed each other as God does, but in all honesty, I do not believe it will ever happen.
Thinkingstuff
Active Member
acceptance?
You're probably right but nothing's going to change if we accept things as they are. We as christians are supposed to be transformed by the renewing of our mind not accepting the world error. By transforming ourselves we are an example for transforming the world. So a question like that hits a nerve with me. It seems almost as if it were acceptable to maintain the worlds view of things. It reminds me of a particularly bad period in Baptist history were there were churches teaching slavery was natural and ordained of God using scriptures to back them up. I've been to churches where members still mention this stuff. I'm personally sick of it. Sorry about my ranting.Cutter said:
Thinkingstuff said:
I believe that predominantly to be the case today in what I see. But even so, to naively think all is well as far as ethnicity not being a factor in 'judging' is going to lead to trouble. I could post some URL's, but if you want, look up "racial violence" or a similar topic on youtube.com, and you will find quite a few scenes of violence, looting, tear gas, and if you are white and driving through such an area, a brick thrown thrown through your windshield.
Back to the question posed in this thread. I think it would be a factor if your daughter deliberately chooses to date black guys (and few or no whites) and why. And, as we see quite a lot this today, what is it that these black guys see in white girls? And why is it there are such fewer white man/black woman couples. And remember the OJ Simpson case-- he is brought to trial, most whites think him guilty, almost all blacks think him innocent and call the accusations "racist," despite his evasion of the police. If your daughter were to get involved with a black man, maybe marry him, and then have a bitter divorce or something worse [domestic abuse], would you be able to see all facts objectively, would you think a judge or jury would bend over backwards for either of them? and if she or you were labeled "racist" for charges she brings against him, how would you take it? And if she did attach herself to blacks on the idea of proving she is 'noble,' holier-than-thou, liberal, progressive, et al, how might that affect her actions and safety?
Like ALL relationships, we can hope and assume no case like the above will happen-- you know, they'll 'live happily ever after', or such Pollyanna mush-- but if it did, would the ordeal be further complicated by the "race card?"
I am of mixed blood. One of my gggrandfathers owned my other gggrandfather. In my father's birth state of Alabama, the birth certificates list my families race as "mulatto".
Since I came from the "black" side of the family, I am very familiar with the problems that come from mixed marriages. My father's generation was the first one where anybody finished high school. My sister and one of my sons have recently finished college, and they are the first. My family was a lazy lot, that lived off of making moonshine.
My daddy grew up in a shotgun house in Mississippi County Ar with no water or electricity. Noone encouraged him to finish high school, most folks told him he needed to quit school and go to work. He chopped and picked cotton from the time he was in grade school, and even I remember going to the fields when I was young, although I didnt have to work because i was too little. (aroound 1963 to 1965).
The racism imposed on my family will surely impact us for several generations to come. This is something that I would not want to wish on any children of mixed marriages. You cant look at me and tell that I am part black, I guess the intermarriage with white people bred it out of me. But after what I have seen my ancestors go thru I would not wish for my children and grandchildren to go thru it.
Add that with the decline of black culture in our country, the infestation of drugs, the abusive treatment of women that black culture seems to think is normal, and the general attitude here in the south by blacks that "the white man owes me", makes me cringe at the thought of my children reverting back to a situation that took 150 years for my family to climb out of. And I can honestly say, that as a man who is part black, that I dont want any part of the black culture influencing my family.
I know this will upset most of you who are PC, but if you had lived my life then you would feel the same way. I am not judging black people by preconceived prejudices, I am reacting to actual life experiences.
AJ
Since I came from the "black" side of the family, I am very familiar with the problems that come from mixed marriages. My father's generation was the first one where anybody finished high school. My sister and one of my sons have recently finished college, and they are the first. My family was a lazy lot, that lived off of making moonshine.
My daddy grew up in a shotgun house in Mississippi County Ar with no water or electricity. Noone encouraged him to finish high school, most folks told him he needed to quit school and go to work. He chopped and picked cotton from the time he was in grade school, and even I remember going to the fields when I was young, although I didnt have to work because i was too little. (aroound 1963 to 1965).
The racism imposed on my family will surely impact us for several generations to come. This is something that I would not want to wish on any children of mixed marriages. You cant look at me and tell that I am part black, I guess the intermarriage with white people bred it out of me. But after what I have seen my ancestors go thru I would not wish for my children and grandchildren to go thru it.
Add that with the decline of black culture in our country, the infestation of drugs, the abusive treatment of women that black culture seems to think is normal, and the general attitude here in the south by blacks that "the white man owes me", makes me cringe at the thought of my children reverting back to a situation that took 150 years for my family to climb out of. And I can honestly say, that as a man who is part black, that I dont want any part of the black culture influencing my family.
I know this will upset most of you who are PC, but if you had lived my life then you would feel the same way. I am not judging black people by preconceived prejudices, I am reacting to actual life experiences.
AJ
D28guy said:
Mike, you have a daughter?? Have you had a daughter pursued by a guy? Trust me, this is the right way to do it.
Any guy that gets past DH is worthy to date my daughter. Guns won't scare him. A large pastor won't scare him. He will be secure because he KNOWS that he loved my daughter and will do anything to win her heart - even dealing with Dad. Boys nowadays need to know that while not every father is watching out for his daughter (sadly), some are and my daughters happen to have that kind of father. Hey - it won't hurt them - just make them stronger.
annsni said:
I agree with D28 guy
What you described here Ann sounds like an extremely dysfunctional situation. Obviously, I am not calling you that, it's the wording.
We have taught our 17 son to play close attention to the parents, because unfortunately, they will become a part of the family good or bad. Package deal. Dysfunction is generational, as is stability.
If any father treated my teenager this way, they may be meeting me very soon. It would concern me if some stranger treated him this way, his safety is important to us.
Our son is a really good person, godly values, polite, attends College & High school at the same time. Probably going to be a Doctor but whatever he chooses is just fine.
He is very respectful, and doesn't need to "earn" anything by any female, he's a great catch. He doesn't need to "get past" any father in my book. That's
not a good way to start off.
Hopefully, his future girlfriend will hold to similar values. We would take her under our wing and pray the other family would do the same for us.
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Ann,
I'm sorry, I'm sure you and your husband are fine parents, but I just dont see how anyone with the love of God flowing through them can tell someone who is desiring to date their daughter, on their initial meeting...
In my opinion, that is not an example of civilized behaviour, and its even more inapporpriate for a professing christian.
We are to extend the love and grace of God to all we meet...not the fear of being murdered.
Grace and peace,
Mike
I'm sorry, I'm sure you and your husband are fine parents, but I just dont see how anyone with the love of God flowing through them can tell someone who is desiring to date their daughter, on their initial meeting...
In my opinion, that is not an example of civilized behaviour, and its even more inapporpriate for a professing christian.
We are to extend the love and grace of God to all we meet...not the fear of being murdered.
Grace and peace,
Mike
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D28guy said:
I don't recall ever saying anything like that. However, any boy that is going to want access to our daughters have to go through their father. It's just a fact of life not only for us but for many families around the country.
No we will not "blow their brains out" but a healthy respect for the girl's father is extremely important. Boys know my daughters' father is involved in their lives and that all boys need to go through him in order to even think of dating either daughter. My daughters know that and are very comfortable with that - and have seen the benefits already from this protection of their father. They know, without a doubt, that daddy is there for them if they need him. The boys also know that the girls have a father who is interested in them, protective of them and willing to step in where necessary. I don't see this as unhealthy or disfunctional and if any boy wishes to side step DH, they will not get access to the girls. Period. End of story.
We do not own a gun. But our friends have passed around "the gun" - an old rifle that is quite polished but has no ability to fire anymore. But it's tradition for prom night to pass it to the father to "polish" while the boy comes to the house to get the girl. The boys know about it and know the symbolism. No, they will not be murdered but it represents a dad who's involved and will step in where needed. Hurt my daughter and you won't be happy.
Joe said:
A boy that would pass muster with daddy will be welcome with open arms. My girls have a number of friends who are boys and they know the situation. They know we like them a lot but if they want to date one of the girls, they must meet with daddy first. Daddy will talk to them and then decide (with the girl's input) if the boy can date our daughter. Our daughters are under age right now so we do have a say in their relationships. We also absolutely listen to our daughters and their input. If they're not interested, they'll tell dad. If they are, then dad will most likely allow the relationship if it's appropriate. We recently had an interest between my 10th grader and a college boy and we were not comfortable with it. We saw character traits that we didn't appreciate in the boy but we still spoke with DD about her feelings. We explained our feelings and asked her to take a little time to get to know the boy more through group activities and youth group (he'd come afterwards and hang out). She saw what we saw and she told us that she was no longer interested in him - and so she was able to tell him that she'd rather not date but remain friends. If we just stood back, she might have gotten more involved with him (emotionally) and it would have hurt more but she listened to her parent's wisdom and learned a good lesson. She thanked us for our involvement.
So while you're son might be a great guy, Joe, he'd still have to speak to DH first. Any boy that will date our daughter will be OUR friend too - and we want to know him. He will be part of our family - atleast in the dating situation - and so he will know that and understand what that means.
Ann,
You said...
And...
I know you didnt say those things. It was these exceedingly offensive posts by others that drew my attention...
Those posts by others are the ones that betray a mindset that is completly uncivilized and unimaginable for a born again person.
From the scriptures...
God bless,
Mike
You said...
And...
I know you didnt say those things. It was these exceedingly offensive posts by others that drew my attention...
Those posts by others are the ones that betray a mindset that is completly uncivilized and unimaginable for a born again person.
From the scriptures...
God bless,
Mike
I Am Blessed 24
Active Member
We always had a series of questions to ask a 'suiter' and he had to answer them to Daddy's satisfaction or he wouldn't get near our daughters.
BTW, we also had a set of questions for the girls my sons wanted to date.
No double standard in our house. What's good for the goose...
They were never allowed to single date either. They would either go with the church group, us, or the other set of parents.
BTW, we also had a set of questions for the girls my sons wanted to date.
No double standard in our house. What's good for the goose...
They were never allowed to single date either. They would either go with the church group, us, or the other set of parents.
Well, I know some white girls here in the south that choose to date only blacks. These girls have transformed into something different than what they were raised to be.
For instance, the first thing that changes with them is speech. They suddenly forget their English classes in school and start speaking in "Ebonics". This just kills me, they say things like "Where you be staying?". I know this is how some black kids are brought up and how they learn to talk, but these white girls do it intentionally.
Then they start getting louder and ruder, having no respect for their parents or teachers. Manners and obedience become signs of weakness.
And then finally, they become militant and feel they have to physically fight to show they can take care of themselves and to prevent others from "dissing" them. To me, the most unattractive trait a female can have is a desire to fight. I am appalled at the way female teens today brawl like they are on WWE.
Again, I know you folks who are idealistic and politically correct will never admit that this stuff happens, and you will be offended by my attitude on this, but this is the real world, and it aint pretty.
Nope, I am glad my daughter is grown and married to a white boy.
AJ
For instance, the first thing that changes with them is speech. They suddenly forget their English classes in school and start speaking in "Ebonics". This just kills me, they say things like "Where you be staying?". I know this is how some black kids are brought up and how they learn to talk, but these white girls do it intentionally.
Then they start getting louder and ruder, having no respect for their parents or teachers. Manners and obedience become signs of weakness.
And then finally, they become militant and feel they have to physically fight to show they can take care of themselves and to prevent others from "dissing" them. To me, the most unattractive trait a female can have is a desire to fight. I am appalled at the way female teens today brawl like they are on WWE.
Again, I know you folks who are idealistic and politically correct will never admit that this stuff happens, and you will be offended by my attitude on this, but this is the real world, and it aint pretty.
Nope, I am glad my daughter is grown and married to a white boy.
AJ
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Thanks for the snap judgment.D28guy said:
The message I would try to send is that a young man taking out my daughter needs to be at least a little fearful of the potential wrath of her father. If, for some reason, he is just interested in using her sexually or physically abusing her, it might get him thinking about the consequences. Furthermore, going shooting with him gives us some time to get to know each other and learn what each other is made of.