White parents with daughters . . .

[Cutter]

Well, I know some white girls here in the south that choose to date only blacks. These girls have transformed into something different than what they were raised to be.

For instance, the first thing that changes with them is speech. They suddenly forget their English classes in school and start speaking in "Ebonics". This just kills me, they say things like "Where you be staying?". I know this is how some black kids are brought up and how they learn to talk, but these white girls do it intentionally.

Then they start getting louder and ruder, having no respect for their parents or teachers. Manners and obedience become signs of weakness.

And then finally, they become militant and feel they have to physically fight to show they can take care of themselves and to prevent others from "dissing" them. To me, the most unattractive trait a female can have is a desire to fight. I am appalled at the way female teens today brawl like they are on WWE.

Again, I know you folks who are idealistic and politically correct will never admit that this stuff happens, and you will be offended by my attitude on this, but this is the real world, and it aint pretty.

Nope, I am glad my daughter is grown and married to a white boy.

AJ

Thanks for your honesty. The truth is the truth, whether people want to accept it or not.

 

[Baptist Believer]

It was these exceedingly offensive posts by others that drew my attention...

I don't have any children, but if my daughter came home with any guy, I would probably show him my gun collection. I'd also invite him to go shooting so he could see me tear out the heart and head of a silhouette."

Those posts by others are the ones that betray a mindset that is completly uncivilized and unimaginable for a born again person.

When I posted the previous response, I had rejoined the thread after several days absence and did not realize how thoroughly you had condemned what I wrote.
Yet, I can’t really figure out what is “exceedingly offensive” and betrays “a mindset that is completely uncivilized and unimaginable for a born again person.”

Was is the gun collection? Do you opposed the Second Amendment? Do you think that gun collections should be hidden and gun owners should be ashamed of owning weapons to protect their family?

Or was it the invitation to go shooting? Is it somehow “exceedingly offensive” to invite someone else to go shooting? I go shooting all the time with friends and family members. I’ve taught my nephews gun safety and took them out to the range so they can see what a gun does. (Children and teens who actually have experience and training with firearms are very unlikely to be involved in accidental shootings when they come across a gun.) Furthermore, the nephews I took to the range were victims of violent crime about 18 months ago when two armed meth addicts broke into their apartment in the middle of the night and beat their father severely (they seemed intent on beating him to death) until they realized the police were pulling into the apartment complex. My sister-in-law and nephews had little recourse because they did not have any weapons. When the attackers were finally arrested, it turned out to be a case of mistaken identity. They were trying to kill someone else on a different street, but they were so high they picked the wrong place.

Or was it allowing the potential boyfriend the opportunity to see me tear out the heart and head of a silhouette?” Do you have a problem with people shooting paper targets in general? Do you have a problem with people shooting accurately? Do you have a problem with the potential boyfriend knowing I’m a very good shot with a handgun? Permit me one other personal anecdote. About a year ago my brother-in-law was at our home helping us move some heavy things around. One of the neighbors down the street approached him and started asking lots of questions about my wife, referring to her physical attributes in a very lewd way. Apparently he assumed by brother-in-law was not a relative because of his ethnicity (he is “black”, my wife and I are “white”) and routinely talked about women in a trashy way. He told my brother-in-law that he planned to “get some of that.” My brother-in-law pointed out to the low-life neighbor that my wife was married “to that big guy” and that I wouldn’t take kindly to his sexual interest in my wife. (I don’t.) I thought that was the end of it and didn’t mention it to my wife because I didn’t want her to worry. A couple of days later, I drove into the driveway to find that neighbor talking to my wife in our front yard. He was trying to talk her into letting him help her unload the car and carry some of the packages into our house. At the same time, he was also talking to her about coming over and “teaching him how to play guitar.” I walked into the conversation, explained that she doesn’t do private lessons and that I was going to take care of the packages. He left.

Since that time I have made no secret that I go to the gun range at least two to three times a month and I’m a good shot. Strangely enough, we haven’t had any trouble with the neighbor since.

As a former teenaged boy, I know that many teen boys are hormone driven and consider girls sex objects and care very little about girls as persons... much like my neighbor. I want them to think about potential consequences beyond how far they can get with my daughter.

So, please explain. What is so “exceedingly offensive” about what I wrote, and how does it “betray a mindset that is completely uncivilized and unimaginable for a born again person?”

 

[Cutter]

So, please explain. What is so “exceedingly offensive” about what I wrote, and how does it “betray a mindset that is completely uncivilized and unimaginable for a born again person?”

I, for one, found nothing offensive or wrong with your post. It appears to be just another case on the BB of straining at a gnat. That happens alot on here, you know.

 

[ajg1959]

When I posted the previous response, I had rejoined the thread after several days absence and did not realize how thoroughly you had condemned what I wrote.
Yet, I can’t really figure out what is “exceedingly offensive” and betrays “a mindset that is completely uncivilized and unimaginable for a born again person.”

Was is the gun collection? Do you opposed the Second Amendment? Do you think that gun collections should be hidden and gun owners should be ashamed of owning weapons to protect their family?

Or was it the invitation to go shooting? Is it somehow “exceedingly offensive” to invite someone else to go shooting? I go shooting all the time with friends and family members. I’ve taught my nephews gun safety and took them out to the range so they can see what a gun does. (Children and teens who actually have experience and training with firearms are very unlikely to be involved in accidental shootings when they come across a gun.) Furthermore, the nephews I took to the range were victims of violent crime about 18 months ago when two armed meth addicts broke into their apartment in the middle of the night and beat their father severely (they seemed intent on beating him to death) until they realized the police were pulling into the apartment complex. My sister-in-law and nephews had little recourse because they did not have any weapons. When the attackers were finally arrested, it turned out to be a case of mistaken identity. They were trying to kill someone else on a different street, but they were so high they picked the wrong place.

Or was it allowing the potential boyfriend the opportunity to see me tear out the heart and head of a silhouette?” Do you have a problem with people shooting paper targets in general? Do you have a problem with people shooting accurately? Do you have a problem with the potential boyfriend knowing I’m a very good shot with a handgun? Permit me one other personal anecdote. About a year ago my brother-in-law was at our home helping us move some heavy things around. One of the neighbors down the street approached him and started asking lots of questions about my wife, referring to her physical attributes in a very lewd way. Apparently he assumed by brother-in-law was not a relative because of his ethnicity (he is “black”, my wife and I are “white”) and routinely talked about women in a trashy way. He told my brother-in-law that he planned to “get some of that.” My brother-in-law pointed out to the low-life neighbor that my wife was married “to that big guy” and that I wouldn’t take kindly to his sexual interest in my wife. (I don’t.) I thought that was the end of it and didn’t mention it to my wife because I didn’t want her to worry. A couple of days later, I drove into the driveway to find that neighbor talking to my wife in our front yard. He was trying to talk her into letting him help her unload the car and carry some of the packages into our house. At the same time, he was also talking to her about coming over and “teaching him how to play guitar.” I walked into the conversation, explained that she doesn’t do private lessons and that I was going to take care of the packages. He left.

Since that time I have made no secret that I go to the gun range at least two to three times a month and I’m a good shot. Strangely enough, we haven’t had any trouble with the neighbor since.

As a former teenaged boy, I know that many teen boys are hormone driven and consider girls sex objects and care very little about girls as persons... much like my neighbor. I want them to think about potential consequences beyond how far they can get with my daughter.

So, please explain. What is so “exceedingly offensive” about what I wrote, and how does it “betray a mindset that is completely uncivilized and unimaginable for a born again person?”

More parents need to get involved with their daughters lives and know where they are and who they are with. You should be commended for caring, not chastised.

It is the resposibility of the father to protect the family.

AJ

 

[Joe]

We always had a series of questions to ask a 'suiter' and he had to answer them to Daddy's satisfaction or he wouldn't get near our daughters.

BTW, we also had a set of questions for the girls my sons wanted to date.

No double standard in our house. What's good for the goose...

They were never allowed to single date either. They would either go with the church group, us, or the other set of parents.

That is exactly how we handle it.

We would also want to meet her parents first.

 

[Joe]

For everyone who made comments about guns and insinuated violence along with it, know it wouldn't be uncommon for a teenager with any wits about him would quit dating your daughter just to avoid you.

Telling him you own a gun collection and go shooting often, polishing guns before Prom Night etc...that's nutty talk.

I asked our 17 year old to read a few of these posts. I was curious of how he would handle it. Told him there was no right or wrong.

Surprisingly, he said he would meet with the father prior, take the girl out on a date, but likely never ask her out again. He would fulfill his commitment to her but not extend himself further. I hoped he would have said he would have refrained all together, and told the girl why. But this is fine.

The teenage boys who come to your home are also children. Parents have a responsibility to BOTH parties to ensure BOTH make good decisions. Parental involvement should be plenty to deter rapists, and overly aggresive teens. Tell the boys directly to their faces there will be no hanky panky allowed. Then move on, turn the conversation into something more positive.

Set a few rules such as tell your teenagers to never to accept a drink from anyone they did not see pour the drink. Always be present or get the drink themselves because a drug could be slipped into it (such as Ecstacy)

Also, most teens in our son's high school own a cell phone. Tell the teen girls NOT to use their cell phones to take pics of their "bare" bodies then share them with their boyfriends/girlfriends.

Parents if you deter the good suitors, then only the "roughies" whom can handle your passive aggressive games will be left. Roughies are not the type of boys you want around your girls.

My two cents

 

[annsni]

Joe - I have to say I disagree with a few things:

1) My daughters will not be at a party where there is drinking. The friends they hang out with do not drink and if they EVER were to be in a place where drinking was taking place, they know to call us to get them immediately. They are not allowed to drink since it is illegal. They also have no desire to drink, so it's not a concern we have.

2) Taking pictures of their bodies? Huh?? The girls are never in a situation where that sort of thing can take place. Seriously. They are either at friend's houses where we know the parents or they're at our house. The only other thing they're doing is stuff with youth group. They'd NEVER consider doing anything like that - ever.

3) If a boy was seriously interested in my daughter, he has to go through my husband. No ifs ands or buts. They're not comfortable with that, that's OK. But then they can't go near our daughters. Period.

Yep, we're strict. Maybe we'll have old maids. But we have come to these rules together and the girls appreciate how much their father and I are involved in their lives. Honestly - all of their girlfriends wish they had parents like my girls do, and the boys that they are friends with are very protective to - and very sweet. If any of them want to date the girls, they know that we're kind, loving yet serious about taking care of the girls. We've not had any problems thus far.

 

[Baptist Believer]

For everyone who made comments about guns and insinuated violence along with it, know it wouldn't be uncommon for a teenager with any wits about him would quit dating your daughter just to avoid you.

Really? Apparently you are assuming that each one of us is a one-dimensional person. There might be more to our character and personalities than you may assume.

Telling him you own a gun collection...

And what's wrong with that? Actually, I'd show him my gun collection. It would be a good way to break the ice and have a good conversation that's not based around my daughter. I'm sure there are a lot of people in California who assume that anyone who has firearms and is not embarrassed about having them is some sort of nut. In Texas, a large portion of the population owns firearms and many people legally carry weapons. I haven't checked, but I'm guessing our crime rate is far lower than California's.

...and go shooting often...

I often talk to friends about firearms and shooting. It's part of my life and one of my hobbies. And a sign of friendship with me is when I ask someone if they want to go to the gun range. Sounds like you have an anti-gun stance or at least automatically associate them with violence.

...polishing guns before Prom Night etc...

In the context in which it was presented, it was more of a joke than a threat. I'm guessing everyone involved knows that.

...that's nutty talk.

Welcome to my "nutty" life.

I asked our 17 year old to read a few of these posts. I was curious of how he would handle it. Told him there was no right or wrong.

Well, you raised your child so it should be no surprise that they understand your perspective.

Surprisingly, he said he would meet with the father prior, take the girl out on a date, but likely never ask her out again. He would fulfill his commitment to her but not extend himself further. I hoped he would have said he would have refrained all together, and told the girl why. But this is fine.

And that's fine with me too. (Of course I doubt I would have made the kind of cartoonish and violent impression you seem to imagine.) I'm also guessing that you or your family do not own a firearm and don't have much experience with them. I don't say that to belittle you (there's nothing wrong with not having a firearm), but as a way of trying to understand your position.

The teenage boys who come to your home are also children. Parents have a responsibility to BOTH parties to ensure BOTH make good decisions.

Absolutely.

Parental involvement should be plenty to deter rapists, and overly aggresive teens.

Should be, but often it is not. I've known way too many teens over the years to simply assume that everything will be fine. I've also known a shocking number of young women I grew up with (from church families with very involved parents) who have confessed to me that they were raped by other church kids when they were teens.

Tell the boys directly to their faces there will be no hanky panky allowed.

It's fine to say it... that will stop some. The knowledge that the girl's father is prepared to use strong measures, including force, to look after his daughter will deter a few more. There are a small number of boys who will not be deterred.

Then move on, turn the conversation into something more positive.

In my scenario, the conversation will be very positive. I'll look for an opportunity to befriend the young man.

Set a few rules such as tell your teenagers to never to accept a drink from anyone they did not see pour the drink. Always be present or get the drink themselves because a drug could be slipped into it (such as Ecstacy)

Yep.

Also, most teens in our son's high school own a cell phone. Tell the teen girls NOT to use their cell phones to take pics of their "bare" bodies then share them with their boyfriends/girlfriends.

Um... I believe my hypothetical daughter would have more sense. We would have long talks about safety and privacy on the internet and the digital age of communications.

Parents if you deter the good suitors, then only the "roughies" whom can handle your passive aggressive games will be left. Roughies are not the type of boys you want around your girls.

Don't know how to categorize the "roughies", but anyone who dates my children (both genders) will need to meet the parents first. My wife and I are actually quite charming people. Potential suitors will also know we are not people to be trifled with. We are people of substance, depth and action. We will not be passive if they decide to abuse our trust or harm the family. Most of all, our children will know they are loved passionately, and we will give them quite a bit of freedom if they demonstrate responsibility.

 

[I Am Blessed 24]

Also, always make sure the kids have a Bible on the seat between them and their dates. Then if the suiter wants to get to them, they'll have to crawl over Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John!

 

[Joe]

Joe - I have to say I disagree with a few things:

1) My daughters will not be at a party where there is drinking. The friends they hang out with do not drink and if they EVER were to be in a place where drinking was taking place, they know to call us to get them immediately. They are not allowed to drink since it is illegal. They also have no desire to drink, so it's not a concern we have.

Alcohol didn't come to mind when using the term "drink". An illegal drug can be placed in anyone's drink. We do not go around alcohol, nor drink alcohol, so we're kinda like you. We are against the use of alcohol for recreational uses.

2) Taking pictures of their bodies? Huh?? The girls are never in a situation where that sort of thing can take place. Seriously. They are either at friend's houses where we know the parents or they're at our house. The only other thing they're doing is stuff with youth group. They'd NEVER consider doing anything like that - ever.

Sounds good. I didn't think you were very lax from your other post.
Sadly, this is not uncommon at my son's high school. Your daughters probably would not do anything of that nature.

3) If a boy was seriously interested in my daughter, he has to go through my husband. No ifs ands or buts. They're not comfortable with that, that's OK. But then they can't go near our daughters. Period.

We practice a similar approach here. Threats or anything of that nature, even masked as a joke yet still meant to be what it is, a threat, is something I don't like. But with you raising a girl, and I raising a boy, we are on different sides of the fence here regarding experience. Some of this is to be expected.

Yep, we're strict. Maybe we'll have old maids. But we have come to these rules together and the girls appreciate how much their father and I are involved in their lives.

Sounds good. We never had babysitters, and as a couple, have not went away together anywhere since our honeymoon. No one can watch our son, and know where he is and whom he is with except us. So maybe we're strict too.

Honestly - all of their girlfriends wish they had parents like my girls do, and the boys that they are friends with are very protective to - and very sweet. If any of them want to date the girls, they know that we're kind, loving yet serious about taking care of the girls. We've not had any problems thus far.

Sounds good

 

[Joe]

Also, always make sure the kids have a Bible on the seat between them and their dates. Then if the suiter wants to get to them, they'll have to crawl over Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John!

Good thinking :thumbs:

 

[Joe]

Originally Posted by Baptist Believer
I don't have amy children, but if my daughter came home with any guy, I would probably show him my gun collection. I'd also invite him to go shooting so he could see me tear out the heart and head of a silhouette.

These are your words. This is a threat, it is worded as a threat. But I'll assume from all your posts that you were rambling on for a sec, like we all do at times.