Why is it bad to be intimate before marriage?

All the rest, which is good, aside...

It is YOUR body. It is YOUR choice. No one should become intimate because of pressure from another. If he loves and respects you, he won't hound you for a reason.

 

In addition to settling your own relationship with Jesus Christ--which is of utmost importance and something about which we're all praying that you'll do, I'm wondering about this man's relationship with Christ?

Has he received Christ as his Savior?

 

I wanted to ask that and forgot . . . been a really long day.

I just pray that you and he can develop a godly relationship and not a carnal one.

 

I am still single and have never kissed or been involved in any physically intimate relationship. I understand what you feel and sometimes what you think you "need." I don't propose that physical intimacy in and of itself is wrong and I don't want to be "Pharisaic" about this, but such can easily lead to devastating consequences that can haunt you for the rest of your life.

Here are some questions to think about:

1. How do you know if he really loves you if he wants to enjoy physical intimacy without the commitment before God of doing it only with you?

2. Do you realize that physical intimacy can easily lead to unexpected results? The more you allow, the more it becomes "normal" and "natural," and the more you feel you need to "prove" your "love" to each other.

3. If you present your concerns to him and he is unable to accept them, does he really consider you worth a commitment? Does he place more value on the temporary thrill of physical intimacy (that without the commitment could be derived from other sources) than he does on you as a special one-of-a-kind person?

4. If he can't respect your concerns, is he worth it?



I have never kissed or been in a physically intimate relationship before, and I hope that God will lead me to a woman who also has the same commitment before marriage. If not, she can know that there is always no better time to start.

Some things are worth waiting for!

 

Brother Bob: This statement of yours bothers me. Does that mean that you seduced women and then they were not worthy of you?

If so, why was it all right for you and not for them?

You wanted to marry a virgin...maybe the virgin you chose wanted to marry a virgin too...

It sounds like you had a double-standard.

Please explain if I have the wrong take on this.

AresMan: You have a very Godly outlook on marriage. Good for you!

§ue

 

Forbidden Fruit has gotten people into many jams. Anonymous.

Many people sow their wild oats all week, then go to church on Sunday and pray for crop failure. Mark Twain.

 

How much corruption does it take to taint something, be it a life or something else?

An unmarried individual is to remain chaste, not simply to avoid "going all the way". Christ said is a man look upon a woman with lust he is already guilty of adultery in his heart, same as if he had committed that adultery in the flesh. Fooling around outside of marriage is exactly the same.

Becoming sexually arroused is not a sin in and of itself, just as fire is not dangerous in and of itself (when properly contained and controlled). But, let that fire be kindled where it ought not, or let it be driven by the winds, it becomes a raging inferno that devours everything in its path, leaving nothing behind but ash and memories.

Or, take water. Pure water is needed to continue life, just as sex is needed to produce another generation. So, the question is, how much sewage does it take to pollute pure water? If a thimble-full was put in a barrel of water, would it still be pure? And would that water not now stink, and become foul, not fit for human consumption?

Sorry if I sound graphic, but this is a serious thing.

The bible says that if a person does not do that which he knows he should then it is sin. If you KNOW that the bible and Christ speak against it, then it is sin to you... no matter what the dude might say.

I was unsaved back in my teenage years before I was married. I know the arguements that we guys use. I am also in the bible belt, and know the arguements that are used to combat what the good book says. Take what I have said to heart, as advice from a former adversary who has repented and changed his ways.

 

The book of Proverbs is loaded with wisdom.

Your convictions tell you it is wrong. “No” is good enough. It does not matter is someone else thinks otherwise. God said, “No” and so should you.

Men are to treat women as they would their sisters.

Respect is one of the most important things one can give to another. If someone does not respect your convictions and wishes then they do not respect you. Your first allegiance and loyalty is to God not someone else. What the God says is correct not subject to relative morals. He is the creator and sustainer of life and knows what is best.

How you start out in a relationship will determine much of its success later on.

One of the purposes of sexual intimacy is bonding both spiritually and hormonally. It is not just physical. When a woman has sex with a man she changes hormonally which increases her level of bonding to him. The physical level of intimacy is the most base level not the highest. If in solving problems the two people go to a sexual level it does not teach each other to solve a problem as friends, respecting one another. If problems are not dealt with at an intellectual and spiritual level then the process is short circuited. Men want a wife with convictions who will not roll over and play dead. They want a partner in life not a body.

The physical level of intimacy is the lowest while the spiritual level is the highest. The one thing that keeps a marriage together is what they have in common spiritually. The spiritual bond is the strongest of any bond.

I am a strong believer in everything I do to give every reason for someone to trust me. Therefore I try not to do things which will cause people to distrust me. If I want what I want and God is in control then I have every reason to trust him and his wisdom. Therefore I am willing to wait and watch him work in his time. That may or may not mean I say or do something.

Your word of “No” should be sufficient for him. If it is not then it tells you about his respect for you and how little he listens making it a self centered relationship. Self centered relationships do not work. They do not work with God and they do not work with people. Christ came that we might have life and have it abundantly. That means really live. Living the Christian life is about putting Christ first and getting rid of ourselves so that He might live in us and have first place in our lives. When He is first place then we exude Jesus and not our selfishness.

There are some excellent old books:

Love Is A Feeling To Be learned

I Married You

Letters To Karen - for you

Letters to Philip - for him

 

There are no other stipulations. Salvation is nothing you can earn. It is a free gift. To receive a gift you must accept it for it to be yours.

Romans 6:23, “For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

John 1:12, 13, “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, [even] to those who believe in His name, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.”

At this point in time I am sure God is trying to get your attention and he is not so concerned with where you have been but where you are going. Clearly you know what is going on in your life. You know enough to know that you are going down a road you do not like. Where you go from this point is your choice.

John 3:1-21 , “Now there was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews; this man came to Jesus by night and said to Him, "Rabbi, we know that You have come from God as a teacher; for no one can do these signs that You do unless God is with him." Jesus answered and said to him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God." Nicodemus said to Him, "How can a man be born when he is old? He cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born, can he?" Jesus answered, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. "That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. "Do not be amazed that I said to you, `You must be born again.' "The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit." Nicodemus said to Him, "How can these things be?" Jesus answered and said to him, "Are you the teacher of Israel and do not understand these things? "Truly, truly, I say to you, we speak of what we know and testify of what we have seen, and you do not accept our testimony. "If I told you earthly things and you do not believe, how will you believe if I tell you heavenly things? "No one has ascended into heaven, but He who descended from heaven: the Son of Man. "As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up; so that whoever believes will in Him have eternal life. "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. "For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. "He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. "This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. "For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. "But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God."

 

Preach it brother!

 

Well, I can see the boyfirend's side a little here. You say you smoke and drink occasionally, yet you wont give him a kiss? Surely he is confused about your moral convictions.

I am not saying that you should give in, I just think consistency speaks well for itself.

I pray yall get this worked out
~Tater

 

Seems like she knows what is going on and knows that her living has not been consistent with what she knows to be right. What a great opportunity for her to start to be consistent from this point forward.

I commend her for being honest. Honesty is the start of acknowledging what is wrong and wanting to make things right. She is asking for help. How I wish more of the world were as honest and wanting true help.

 

Every time I see this thread I can't help thinking why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free...

 

Manure for the garden?

Steak?

Company?

To help keep the grass down?

Leather?

Because a cow is good for much more than just milk?

Because you love the cow, probably even more than the milk?

Because there's a whole lot more to a cow than just its milk?

I don't like that saying. It's common meaning is that if you are intimate with a man, he won't marry you. That implies he only wants you for one thing, and also implies that women can only hold a man by with-holding the milk until after marriage.
So what happens when you get married? You're of no value anymore?

There are men and women who are cheap and use people like that, but for the most part?
It's a demeaning saying, for both men and women.

Besides, women aren't cows anymore than men are pigs.

 

Sorry Gina, I wasn't meaning to offend. This thread just made me think of that saying. I take the saying more to be signs of the current fad. Why get married when you can just live together and reep all the benefits. Why commit, we can break up every other month, fool around with others then get back together (or not which is like divorce). Or even worse, what if neither of them is looking for any kind of relationship at all?

I'll tell the wife you said this next time I pull the covers up over her head. She seems to disagree with ya.

 

I wasn't exactly offended. Just a combination of not liking the phrase and being in a mood to find humor in logic...

But as long as you thought I was offended and have apologised, I guess I offer my forgiveness and apologise to you too? :laugh: Maybe I should write to Ms. Manners and find out the protocol on situations like this. There's gotta be one!

 

Snoopy sends his love...

 

I can help blackstarling, i.e. I can enlighten you and point you in the right direction, but it is up to you to want to understand, and read the Bible for your own sake, and this young man you are stringing along.

This is something you do not wish to do if you are in the Body of Christ. He goes where you go. Tell him "I will not commit fornication", and I will not let you commit Adultery. You said he had sex once before. The guy is already married, unless she is dead.

I don't know what you mean by "intimate relationships" before marriage. If you are talking copulation then this is not having sex before marriage, for that is impossible. This kind of sex is marriage. You will be married to this man as long as you both live. Marriage is not a "marriage certificate". There is only one way to become "one" and that is by "marriage" in the act of copulation.

If you are talking "other forms of sex", then it is still fornication for you both.

 

Where does the Bible state that fornication is marriage. If they are equal then many of the population are fornicators because they are married.

If the man committed fornication with more than one woman is he married to more than one woman then and legally obligated to more than one as well.?

The word used for fornication in scripture includes more than just sex with a woman outside of marriage.

 

Ituttut, if that is the case, why did women have to marry their rapist?

Found in Deuteronomy 22
28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; 29 Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

Of course I'm more curious about whether that bit of advice is honestly what God would have for us, but as long as it's in there, how would you explain having to marry her if he already did?