Why Men Hate Going to Church

[Gib]

I agree most men are lazy when it comes to going to church. It doesn't help that church, is at times, boring.

We had an evening service at a campground about 25 miles from town. We do it yearly and the same 10-12 people come. No children and nothing to do even if they came. It's BORING. Those who attend want to know why more families don't come. Who wants to drive that far just to sit in a puddle of sweat, chit-chat, eat and go home. Many said they would not attend for that reason.

We don't have a strong men's ministry that focuses on their needs. We eat breakfast once a year and that's about it. Our active men (deacons, SS teachers) are not very active. So, why would other men want to come. We have our regular services and wonder why they don't come.

 

[guitarpreacher]

I personally don't believe lazy is the right answer. Most of the men I know that don't go to church work hard for a living. They also play hard, either golf, fishing, hunting, or whatever they do for fun. So laziness doesn't seem to be a character quality for most.

What I see as the problem is that they do not see anything of value for them at church.

Consider this - I grew up in the 60s/70s and at that time, the commodity was money. We had the time to do anything we wanted, it was a matter of did we have the money. Today, for most people, we can get the money (within reason) to do what we want to do, it's a matter of finding the time. To a great extent, time is the commodity we deal in. Men find value in the time they spend at work, and the find value in their rec time. And if you look at their schedule, it's going to be full. So if you're a typical church, meeting Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday evening, you've just asked for 5 hours of his time, and this is before we even get into visitation, men's ministry, etc. So for the man to give the church 5 hours, he has to cut 5 hours from something else, and it's probably going to be something that he values. So the church has to do a much better job at expressing how much value there is in attending church. Unfortunately, too often we don't do a good job of that.

When men see the value of church as greater than the value of the golf course, attendance will be much less of a problem.

 

[Karen]

Guitarpreacher,
Great points!!

Karen

 

[Andy T.]

I think we need to sell the church to men. We do it with everyone else, right? There's gotta be some gimmick out there that will bring 'em in.

 

[Gib]

So laziness doesn't seem to be a character quality for most.

Spiritual laziness

 

[Soulman]

I think people have the wrong idea of what church is all about. The church isn't there to entertain or alleviate bordom. It is not it's mission to entice people to go. People should go out of a grateful heart. We should be willing to go just to be around God's people. Come and dine as the hymn says. We go to feed on the word and to worship.

Men have forgotten that it is a priviledge to go to church. A priiviledge that many have died for and in many places still are.

Posted by Andy T.: I think we need to sell the church to men. We do it with everyone else, right?

Those tactics are for children and may work in the bus ministry.

It should be an honor to be in the presence of God's house.

My brother made a trip to Russia before its collapse. The Russian people said americans were soft and untried in their christianity. He explained that with freedom comes apathy and a taking for granted the things fought for just a generation or two ago. It is the down side of freedom.

In one country a man will risk his life to be in church, while here a Sunday paper or golf game is more important.

How pathetic we have become!

 

[Deacon]

The church was called to make disciples.
No need to turn men away with a boring service.
Interest then, attempt to meet their need, and they will come.
If they come, the church is just begining to doing it's job.

Soulman states, "In one country a man will risk his life to be in church, while here a Sunday paper or golf game is more important."

Men thrive on challanges. Make church attendance risky or challanging and you'll find men.
The early church had persecution. Men flocked to it. Their only challange no is, "Will I stay awake through the sermon?" or "Will my wife catch me sleeping?"

Give men something to do!
We need to meet their needs.

Rob

 

[guitarpreacher]

If you're a pastor/teacher, and you stand up to talk about the God of the universe, how he created everything that existed, the epic battles of good vs. evil that occur throughout the Bible, and the ultimate battle that was won on the cross, and you can't do that without being boring, you need to find something else to do. Work in the nursury or drive the bus or something. Hollywood can't come close to matching the Bible for drama, excitement, suspense, heros, and epic adventure. So I'd say it's a sin to be boring when you're presenting the Gospel

 

[Andy T.]

Posted by Andy T.: I think we need to sell the church to men. We do it with everyone else, right?

FWIW, I was being facetious.

 

[Kiffen]

I agree with Soulman. Gimmicks don't work. A committed Christian will be in Church because of their love for Christ not because of some silly program. Church is primarily for the regenerate and the unregenerate will find Church boring. There is a obligation on the part of the pastor/teacher to present the Word in a understandible way but there is also an obligation on the part of the hearer. The ultimate reason most men don't attend Church is that they are unconverted.

Too often today in America we use gimmicks to get spoiled Baby boomers and Gen Xers into Church (And Yes I am part of that Generation) while in China, Vietnam and North Korea the simple Gospel is bringing men to Christ without gimmicks and men are taking up their cross for Christ.

 

[guitarpreacher]

This is the problem I have with discussing this issue with anyone. Nobody seems to be able to discuss without going to the extreme. So for the record:

1. Just because we believe church should be exciting and are committed to not boring people, does not mean we are looking to entertain people. We preach/teach messages that are doctrinally sound and challenging, and we do it in a way that is not boring. (at least that's what the folks are telling me)

2. According to Barna Research, of the people who answered a survey that they were not connected to a church (unchurched folks) almost 50% said that they would visit a church if a friend invited them. So if your church is not seeing new growth (men don't come to church) it's real easy to say it's because they're lazy, or they're unregenerate, or they don't get what a privilege it is go attend, or whatever excuse you want to hang on, the fact is, men don't come to church because the average church doesn't give a rip whether they come or not.

3. Jesus did some pretty wild stuff to get peoples attention. Would call spitting in the dust and rubbing the mud in a blind man's eyes a gimmick? How about showing up a wedding and turning water into wine? Or walking on a lake or raising a dead person or turning a little boy's lunch into a banquet for thousands, or... the list goes on and on. That's the really amazing thing about Jesus ministry - he was willing to whatever it took to have an impact on the lives of those he came into contact with. Interestingly enough - that's what kept him crossways with the religious people of his day. I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same. Just because we are committed to doing whatever it takes to reach the lost around us, doesn't mean we're into gimmicks. Celebrate Recovery is not a gimmick. Servant evangelism is not a gimmick. Backyard Bible clubs are not gimmicks. It's called outreach and it's what Jesus did himself, and what he commands us to do.

Gotta go, probably more on this to come later.

 

[USN2Pulpit]

guitarpreacher...I read you!

You've made a good point, and it seems that some people around here need back up a little bit on this issue before lighting you up.

I agree with every word of your last post. With a message as exciting as the message we bear, we've got no business not giving it our absolute best at worship service (yes, this includes the program and even the mechanics of the program). I've got news for everyone - when we give it our best, it won't be boring.

Your conclusions about the Barna research are spot on, in my opinion. The reason people don't come is because the majority of church members today don't care enough to bring them or make them feel welcome. It shouldn't surprise us...if we can't get our own people excited about the gospel message, why should we expect them to care about visitors (men, women, or kids)?

Interestingly enough, these aren't problems in the persecuted church, where attendance is thriving - and growing.

 

[j_barner2000]

From a community point of view... The community knows who really cares about them as people as opposed to as numbers. Every thing Jesus did showed His personal care and love for the people He ministered to. He showed genuine love and care for them. Not a desire to reach numbers. They know if we are sincerely concerned about them.

Another concern is the judgmental appearance some in attendance at church may unknowingly exude. We need to show the same love and concern for each and every person we meet that Jesus showed. Of course, He was by no means afraid to confront the sin, but His love for the sinner showed through.

 

[Fishnbread]

I think this is a really serious issue, me and my father have been trying to make Baptists aware of it but up until now it seemed as though we were the only ones attacking it. Most men don't go to church because church has nothing they wan't, they see it as another obligation (like taking out the trash). Most churches don't uphold the males role in christianity, on fathers day instead of uplifting and speaking in a manor that is incuraging to men Iv'e heard pastors that do no more than criticize fathers for thier short comings, but come mothers day all you'd here from the pastors mouth is women good, women better, women best. I recall, once I looked at a churches weekly schedual and I must have seen about five differant programs dedicated only to women, as opposed to the one that was dedicated to men. Im going to be brutally honest, men don't go to church because they don't feel appreciated, and the sad part is most of the time there right.

Your servant
Fishnbread

 

[Soulman]

Stand up and be men! Lead your families. Lead in your churches. Stop thinking that your church has nothing to offer and attend so you may have something to offer the church.

We are our own worst enemies. We don't go because there is no challenge . Get off your duffs and present one. If a church brags on their women more than the men, get a clue. You will find that ladies wand strong men to lead. They only do it because they have to.

 

[guitarpreacher]

Finally a chance to continue. The last thing on this I want to mention is the apparent conflict of who the church is for. The fact is, if you begin a sentence with the phrase "The church is for" you are so wrong that it's almost impossible to use it a discussion starter. The only way that phrase can come close to being correct is if you finish it with Jesus Christ. The church if for Jesus Christ. It was His idea, He established it, He died for it, He commissioned it, He empowers it and He's building it. It's His, period. From an earthly standpoint, you cannot say that the church is for believers, because the church is believers. And since the church is believers, you can't say that it's for nonbelievers. So this whole "who's the church for" argument is so out of whack to start with, that you can't even reach a logical conclusion.

What's happening is we are confusing who the church is for with what the church is supposed to do. We say the church needs to worship, so it has to be for believers. But worship is what the church does. Has nothing to do with who it's for. We say the church is reponsible for discipleship, so it has to be for believers. Making disciples is what the church does. But those are only two things the church does. The church also fellowships. Is fellowship for believers or nonbelievers? Personally, I like to fellowship with both. Fellowship is about relationships, and we should be constantly building relationships in order to share Christ with the lost. So fellowship is what we do, it's not about who it's for. The church is also about minsitry. Showing God's love through acts of kindness. Again, this should be done for everyone, believers and unbelievers. It's what we do. And then there's evangelism. If your church is not doing evangelism, it's just a matter of time till it dies.

The problem with us, and what causes this argument, is we tend to focus only on doing the one thing we think is most important. If you think evangelism is the most important thing to do, then you'll likely think the church is for the lost. On the other hand, if you thing making disciples is the most important thing, you'll no doubt believe that church is for believers. Whatever you believe is most important will get your focus, and Jesus get's the short end of the stick because we don't do everything He's commanded us to do.

 

[Kiffen]

I think some of the confusion today is that many view a Sunday Worship service as being about evangelism. This is one of the unfortunate legacies of 19th century worship that has made Sunday worship primarily sinner centered rather than God centered.

A Sunday worship service however is primarily about the saints giving worship to the Trinue God. That does not mean that unbelievers are not invited to attend. They should come and be invited BUT in the end a worship service is designed for the Church to praise God. Baptist ecclesiology is that a Church is made up of only baptized believers.

The benefit of a lost person however attending Church is viewing such a worship service and hearing the Gospel. It is highly likely they will be uncomfortable. I was when I was lost and attending Church! That is a good thing for the Holy Spirit makes lost sinners feel the guilt of their sins and their need of Jesus Christ.

 

[Karen]

guitarpreacher,
I'm enjoying your posts.

Kiffen, I hear you. Yes, the Gospel does make sinners uncomfortable. And as you say, that is a good thing.
Not to be confused, though, with the many kinds of discomfort we should alleviate as much as possible. Such as in my church there are greeters at each door to direct visitors to the proper classes, instead of just making them wander around.

Karen

 

[Kiffen]

Not to be confused, though, with the many kinds of discomfort we should alleviate as much as possible. Such as in my church there are greeters at each door to direct visitors to the proper classes, instead of just making them wander around.

I agree. There is no excuse for a unfriendly Church. Visitors should be made welcome by the members.

 

[blackbird]

Can I tell you what I believe?

Doesn't have anything to do with what church is friendly and which isn't---doesn't have anything to do with men holdin' hands and huggin' on each other---men will do that if they want to---men hug and hold hands on a hot, hot battlefield and on a football playing field---so it doesn't have to do with that.

Rather---it has everything to do with position in the household---the man's position as a husband to his wife and and a father to his children.

The Bible is crystal clear on the matter. The husband is to be the head of the wife---as Christ is the head of the Church, His body. Take a read of Ephesians 5, guys!

Ephesians 5:25-28 teaches us, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it; That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish, So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself."

Thought #1----Jesus has the responsibility to love His church----and is even at this moment----sanctifying His church and washing it with the water by the word----Jesus is the head of His church. His infallable aim is to present His church without blemish.

Thought #2---Husband as the responsibility to love his wife in the same way----and it is his responsibility to----in a figurative way, of course-----wash his wife with the water by the word---in the same way Jesus does His church. In other words----the husband is to make sure his wife is submerged in the word---himself being in the word, also. You take a bath----get in the tub---you fill the tub with water----every part of you is covered except your head---your body is completely submerged---your body is IN the water---your head is ON the water.

Husband is to stand ON the word making sure his wife is IN the word----see???

Now the devil is sneeky---he knows God given order in the house----Husband---Wife---Children---in that order---the Husband being the head---the wife and children being the body----and the devil wants to "turn the picture around"----he wants the husband to be where the body should be---and he wants the body to be where the husband should be---so he plants little subtle thoughts in the husband's mind that turns him away from church----the way it ought to be is:

The husband says, "Honey! Let me show you what I learned in church today! Here's what the word from the Word says . . ."---and he has opportunity to "wash" his wife in the water by the word.

Instead---he's so stupid---he gets lazy in the word---he don't go to church---he don't listen to the preacher---he thinks the preaching is for sissies----so he stays home--goes to the golf course---goes fishing---whatever---while his wife goes to church and gets full of the word while her husband is getting full of the world--see???

Then she says something similar---she comes home from church----she says, "Honey! Let me tell you what I learned from the word from the Word today!" And the body is trying to give the head a bath in the water by the word----and it just don't work---and thats where the devil wants the lazy chump!! And his wife---because he don't wash her in the water by the word---remains a site to behold----

Blackbird