Woman at Home/Titus 2:3-5

Everyone is called to serve God in different ways; everyone has a specific, God-given purpose in life. There is a time and a season for all things.

I never said that stay-at-home moms are not as interesting as career women. I said that people with many interests are more interesting. What is not interesting to most husbands, and frankly to most people, is a check list of all the dirty diapers, dirty dishes, etc. I know many SAH moms who take advantage of Moms Day Out, part-time pre-school, and play groups in order to pursue their personal interests that enrich their relationships with their husband and families, re-energize them, and make use of their skills and talents. This doesn't mean that they are turning over the raising of their children to others. It means that they are offering their children enriching experiences which, if carefully planned, can benefit their children in the long run.

Some mothers who work outside the home don't give their children the time they should. Some SAH moms are guilty of the same. Career or non-career is not the issue. Taking the job of motherhood seriously is the issue. For many years I worked with at-risk families. I had to report far more SAH moms to Childrens Protective Services than moms who worked outside the home.

My daughter was able to skip Kindergarten and start school early because of many things: she has a God-given high IQ, she attended an excellent pre-school part time when she was young, and her father and I are both former teachers. If our expectation for her was to never have a career (and therefore having the ability to help her family financially)and to only learn how to say 'Yes, Sir' to her husband, then she would be wasting her gifts.

As for what God would have me or anyone do, I refer back to Matthew 25:14-29.

 

AMEN!!!!!!! Preach it Hollyberry!!!!!!!

KOMH,

I understand your position and I respect your decision that you have made. But when you try to make it normative for all women, I think you are wrong. It is just as offensive for you to say that the only place for a women is in the home, such as you said in the following quote:

Actually Q.Marlow, if you understand the meaning of the word at, then you would better understand that women are to be in their homes, and not out in the world working at a career.
From Webster's online dictionary, I give you the following:

1 -- used as a function word to indicate presence or occurrence in, on, or near <staying at a hotel> <at a party> <sick at heart>

3 -- used as a function word to indicate that with which one is occupied or employed <at work> <at the controls> <good at chess>

I think this wraps up any doubt one may have as to God's role for the woman in this world.

Maybe you should let God talk to each individual woman about what he wants for them and let them live their lives.

Joseph

 

Can I just say something here? Not to anyone in particular tho...*hehe*

OYE VEY!

Kathy
<><

 

It does not matter who is more educated, more interesting, socialized, or the like. What matters is that when I get to heaven, I will give an account for my role as a mother. There are great mothers who have careers outside of their homes. There are bad mothers who stay in their homes. Anyone can argue both sides adequately.

The point still is, that God's plan for women was to marry, bear children, and raise them in their homes, while the father supported them. This is the biblical role for families. It does not have to make sense to you, though I think it makes perfect sense- it is a command we are to be obedient to.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joy2:
The point still is, that God's plan for women was to marry, bear children, and raise them in their homes, while the father supported them. This is the biblical role for families. It does not have to make sense to you, though I think it makes perfect sense- it is a command we are to be obedient to.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


Thank you Joy. This is really what I've been trying to say all along, and I let myself get side tracked with all of the other things.

 

HB, Being that I am a social worker I always look at peoples posts from the inside out. You are spending your efforts trying to convince yourself not us. This happens when people feel guilty about something, as from my 15+ years of social work I feel you do. You have missed special moments in your childs life while you were working, and that is tough to take. Anyway, I would stay home with my kids in a second but that is not my role, it is my wives. HB ask yourself, Are the nice things you have really worth what you miss?

 

Thanks, Jbotwinick, for your post.

Briguy: "I would stay at home with my kids but that is not my role, it is my wives." Do you have more than one wife, or is that a typo

You must be so proud of your ability to psychoanalyze people without even speaking to them, meeting them, or knowing anything about them! I didn't miss out on any special moments or events in my daughters life. I was able to take her to work with me and kept her in my office/classroom. I had a really great boss, and a very flexible job. You further assume that my husband and I spent that ill-gotten money on "nice things". You couldn't be further from the truth. We give heavily to our church (something that we couldn't do as well if I were not working), we help support a young Baptist church in Romania, and we help support many local missionaries. We also save as much money as we can. We live way beneath our means. My hope is to be able to retire early so I can serve God in mission work full-time.

God gives gifts and talents to everyone. I serve as a conservative, Christian, female example to all I meet in the business world. This is important, too.(I haven't worked in Human Services for a while; couldn't stand the welfare fraud I ran up against. It was considered too low-level for any agency to do anything about.)

God has blessed our family with situations that were good for my husband, my daughter, and allowed me to follow His will and use my abilities. God's plans and blessings are different for everyone. We should be rejoicing in the marvellous and wise ways of God, not arguing over an individual families situation.

 

Oops, sorry about the typo. The multiple wife thing is not for me, one is all I can handle - HA HA

Anyway, If I am wrong about my "nice things" theory then I apologise and ask that you forgive me.

I stand by the fact that if you were teaching or conducting buisness then you wern't paying attention to your daughter and you missed things, that is a bottom line the way I see it. Are you saying over the course of your working you never used family or daycare to watch your daughter? If not, you did have an exceptional employer. Again, I am sorry that I made assumptions but before I give in totally on my theory I have a couple more questions. HB, would you have the same house if you did not work? Would you take the same number of vacations? Would you utilize the same school choice if you were home? Thanks in advance for helping me understand better.

 

Hello to all........

What gets me about these topics is not that people cannot agree to disagree because that is life, but rather that some of the Christian people today forget that the Bible tells us in HEBREWS 13:8
JESUS CHRIST THE SAME YESTERDAY, AND TO DAY AND FOR EVER.

This tells us that what is said in the Bible is meant for us today as well as back in the "Bible days".
Ephesians 5:22-24 tells us....WIVES SUBMIT YOURSELVES UNTO YOUR OWN HUSBANDS, AS UNTO THE LORD. THEREFORE AS THE CHURCH IS SUBJECT UNTO CHRIST, SO LET THE WIVES BE TO THEIR OWN HUSBANDS IN EVERY THING.
Not just some things.........
We are to follow our own husbands before that of any other, which also means we should not be held in submission to another man. Not at a job and not at church.
Not our boss..for example, "you have to work late tonight or your fired" now that may or may not happen, but you may allow yourself in a compromising position and not even realize it...
Not even our own pastor...He is to come to the man of the house first and then the husband will take up issue with the wife.
You ought to NEVER be alone with any man that is not your husband.....not that you might do anything, but Satan does love to tempt and cause doubt....whether it is you, him, your husband or someone trying to cause problems...
"Old fashioned", if that is what you want to call it, I call it obeying God and keeping up my testimony with those around me......
God will supply people for you to witness to while in your position as homemaker....
God probably even has men at your workplace who are to be witnessing to those people--not you...think of the ones not getting witnessed to because you are working outside of the home....
It is not about the money...it is about your testimony as a Christian whether or not you follow what you "preach".
I am just reading it out of THE Book, people.

Another thing---just because the "world" is doing it does not make it right...We are to be separated.....
in what we do..
in what we say...
in how we dress...
it is not fanatical....it is Biblical....
not of the world.......

 

Briguy, thanks for your post. You asked good questions. I am happy to hear that one spouse is enough .

When my husband and I purchased our home, we ran the numbers based on his income alone. We bought a modest, 100 year old house in an urban area. We chose a home that was less than his annual income, instead of what the realtor recommended! Granted, this part of the world is very affordable. I grew up near Chicago and our friends up there are not so fortunate in the houising market.

We usually take one week of vacation a year. We always drive and pack food to cut down on expenses. Both of us use our remaining vacation time to stay home with our daughter when she is sick, take her to the dentist, etc. Last year we did not take a vacation as we needed a new roof, new furnace and airconditioning, and the bathroom upstairs gutted and re-done. (The bathtub would have fallen into the family room had we waited any longer!)

Our daughter is an only child, so we chose to put her in pre-school part-time two years before she started school. It was a small, fully accredited program. She loved being with other children her age and she got a jump on her computer skills. We use the computer at the local library; we choose to not have one at home. Prior to that, I did have a unusually generous boss, a Christian man that I met at church who ran a drug rehab for teens. I ran their GED program and my daughter was with me the whole time. I along with some of my students watched her first steps. They cried more than I did!

I completely understand and even mostly agree with your position. I have been very, very blessed to have the opportunities I have had. I'll grant you that it is unusual. Too many children are ditched in substandard day care, and then plunked in front of the TV when they get home.

A note to Yellow: If I ever get pulled over for speeding by a male police officer, I'll tell him I don't have to pay any attention to him because he is not my husband .

 

I could give the "how poor we are yet we make it speech here" as well, but the point still is that it is a bilical command. If you do have a career, how can you justify it?

 

O.K. Here goes guys and gals--I read the entire 3 page opinions and I have a question I would like to have answers from both sides of the fence.

When me and my husband got married we were so far away from God and neither of us were saved. We both had good jobs and decided that we were ready to have children. We never had a discussion about me staying home or working. After about 4 months of pregnancy we both came to the decision that I would stay home. Not based on anything but preferance. By the Grace of God I received the Lord as my savior after the birth of my 1st child. (I couldn't explain any other way how I was Blessed with this gift if it wasn't by the Lord.) My husband was saved after the birth of our second child 15 months later.

Here is the problem--we were never taught nor did we understand what "Credit" is or means. When we decided for me to stay home we just paid the household bills. All the credit cards and such went unpaid. We even turned in a truck that we had a lease on. My father owned the house we were living in and offered us to pay a lower rent to stay here. (Which went unpaid for MANY months) We grew in our faith and come to the realization that what we were doing was not biblical either because we weren't paying our debts that we had occured.

So after 3 years of staying home we prayed very hard and very long for the Lord to help us with the decision of how to correct our mistakes. He provided us with a lady from a neighboring church to watch the children and with me a wonderful job. I feel guilty all the time for being away from my children but I truly believe that this is the way to get out of what we got into. The whole thought behind this is to get our bills paid and for me to return home.

Sorry so long-but I really would like to get an answer on how both side feel about this situation.

Thank you

 

HB, Thank you for your honesty and your willingness to answer my questions. I did jump the gun a bit and am sorry about that. It does not sound like you are the next Bill Gates by any any stretch. Here is my final question. If you bought a house based on your husbands income, that meant you could have stayed home, yet "YOU CHOSE" not to. Why is that? Knowing that being home with your baby/toddler (daughter)etc... is the very best you could give to her. A choice that could be said to be selfish, I am not saying that it is as I do not want to pre-judge again. Any more children in the future and will you do anything different?

A. I believe your husband needs to find a new job. I say this as I changed jobs after 14+ years because we were so far behind. My new job is still low paying but slowly we are digging out of the hole. I will switch jobs again if God leads me to. There is a song by Don Fransico that the chorus goes "Do you love your wife, for her and for your children are you laying down your life ..."
Your husband needs to seek God's direction and get a job that meets your familys needs better even if it very difficult for him.

[ July 25, 2001: Message edited by: The Briguy ]

 

the Bible tells us in HEBREWS 13:8
JESUS CHRIST THE SAME YESTERDAY, AND TO DAY AND FOR EVER.

This tells us that what is said in the Bible is meant for us today as well as back in the "Bible days".
Ephesians 5:22-24 tells us....WIVES SUBMIT YOURSELVES UNTO YOUR OWN HUSBANDS, AS UNTO Yellow&gt;&gt;&gt;THE LORD. THEREFORE AS THE CHURCH IS SUBJECT UNTO CHRIST, SO LET THE WIVES BE TO THEIR OWN HUSBANDS IN EVERY THING.
Not just some things.........
We are to follow our own husbands before that of any other, which also means we should not be held in submission to another man. Not at a job and not at church.

That was a good quote, yellow. Something we should all sit back and think about before we jump the gun and do what "we "want to do. God's way is best.

Allis,.....God says we are His children and as a good father He will take care of us, just like you are a parent and wouldn't forget to feed your kids or clothe them or throw them outside when the weather is bad, God takes care of His children. You made a mistake with your bills, my hubby gets spending happy sometimes so now he is working 46 hours at his F/T job and working 20hours P/T to pay them bills, by the end of Summer we'll be caught up and then he can go back down to one job, sounds like your hubby needs to do the same. Then learn the lesson and don't make the same mistake again. You have to stay at home and do what God is convicting you to do.
Paula

 

Allisona: You are in a very tough spot. I think you did the right thing by going to work. Your children will be OK with your family, and will develop a close relationship with them. Don't be afraid to tell the older children why you are doing this. Tell them that your family needs the money, but that you and your husband have a plan and everything will be alright. Kids can cope with a lot, they just don't like not knowing why something is going on or why situations have changed.

Financial trouble is the number one cause of divorce in America. By helping your husband with those responsibilities, you will be supporting him in his efforts and that will result in more understanding, closeness, and committment to your marriage. Remember, God helps those who help themselves. He know the sacrifices you are making. Keep praying for resolution of the family issue. I will keep you in my prayers, also.

Briguy: As I said earlier, when my daughter was young, she went with me to work. I considered my work a ministry. In addition to the GED classes, I taught chastity education, couple communication, and ran the sibling program. She was a very quiet baby/toddler and enjoyed going. Plus, she got *lots* of attention. After that she attended a part-time preschool. Remember, she is an only child, and she wanted to go in order to be with kids her own age. Plus, she was dying to go to "school". I had already taught her to read at home and she wanted more! We have decided to limit our family to one child.

She is 11 and going to enter the 7th grade in a few weeks. (Boy, does that make me feel old!) Four days a week she is involved in after-school activities: student council, academic team, and math enrichment. She is home around 4:00. My husband gets home around that time; he goes to work earlier and leave earlier. Sometime he has meetings or clients and has to stay later. When my daughter was younger, I would leave work to be home when she got there. Now, she lets herself in, sets the table, lets the dog out, and vacuums downstairs. I'm home around 5 on those days, 5:30 otherwise. In my humble opinion I think it is misguided for a woman to stay home if all of her kids are in school. (generally speaking! Please no hate mail!!) Some women choose to work for a paycheck; some women choose to volunteer at their church, school, or social agency. Both are valuable. I realize there are exceptions, but most housework, cooking, etc. does not take all day if you are alone with no children around. I know you'll ask (!) so I'll tell you that we sit down for a home-cooked meal every night. This takes some planning and a large crock-pot, but it can be done!

Working for a paycheck can benefit the family, especially if there are financial situations in the home. If there are no children at home during the day, those extra dollars can make a lot of difference. It also increases your tithe. Many families live paycheck to paycheck or don't have enough for emergencies. Fancy cars, big houses and luxury items shouldn't be a priority, but financial solvency, savings, and debt free living are not only desirable, they're Biblical.

 

You can have financial solvency, debt free living and savings without having a career.

Let me interject here, it is not money making that is the issue. It is a career outside of the home that places your children in others custody, when the responsibiliy is yours and yours alone. I'm not talking about a babysitter now and then, but any regular time away from Mom that is more than just a couple of hours a week.

If you can make some extra money while in your home, without neglecting your responsibilities as a mother and a wife, that's great! Leaving the responsibility to someone else or to your husband is not God's plan for the family.

It's a myth that you can't make it on one income.

It's a myth that if you are poor your marriage won't last, or that poverty causes divorce.

It's a myth that God needs extra tithe money from women who should be in their homes. He owns everything!

It's also a myth that your children will be fine if you disobey God's plan for the family. They may not be murderers or horrible people, but they will have missed the

time that is necessary to instill character in children when they are very young. It also takes time to create healthy well adjusted children. It takes time to know what your children are doing and who they are with and where they are at every moment of the day. Deut. 6 says morning, noon, and night!

If your not guarding your home, your time has been given to someone else.

Please, think about this ladies. It is not supposed to be a contest about who is the better mother, but it is heart felt encouragement from one sister in the Lord to another to do what is right- and to save this generation of young people who are killing each other off while their mothers are pursuing careers.

 

I once again find myself agreeing with Bob Landis. I am a mother of three and I am thankful for this post. Just this week I had be thinking that maybe I should return to work. I use to work and loved every minute I was there. I was in clerical work moved up very quickly at my job. I have to say I enjoyed the challenge and if I had never become a mother or wife (God forbid) I would have been one of those women who covered themselves in work. For me it was a channel of self worth. I was good at what I did and I loved learning. I knew it was not Gods will and struggle with it for awhile. I now stay at home and realize I am working for a much greater cause. My children are my greatest asset and I count it a honor that God intrusted them in my life. I won't be naive enough to tell you that I don't feel that I am becoming brain dead at times but God always sends a project to keep me on my toes. Have a wonderful day.

 

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by 1 st Lady:
I once again find myself agreeing with Bob Landis. I am a mother of three and I am thankful for this post. Just this week I had be thinking that maybe I should return to work. I use to work and loved every minute I was there. I was in clerical work moved up very quickly at my job. I have to say I enjoyed the challenge and if I had never become a mother or wife (God forbid) I would have been one of those women who covered themselves in work. For me it was a channel of self worth. I was good at what I did and I loved learning. I knew it was not Gods will and struggle with it for awhile. I now stay at home and realize I am working for a much greater cause. My children are my greatest asset and I count it a honor that God intrusted them in my life. I won't be naive enough to tell you that I don't feel that I am becoming brain dead at times but God always sends a project to keep me on my toes. Have a wonderful day.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

DITTO!

Kathy
&lt;&gt;&lt;

P.S. To Hollyberry: All I want to say is this, no matter what you do or where you do it, you are my sister in Christ and I love you!

 

Thanks so much for all the input. I really feel Blessed to have a place to go to talk about this. In today's society it is so hard to find good biblical advice. I just thank you for the prayers and I know what me and my husband are doing is the best thing for right now. I really want our children to know that there is better out there that me and my husband did not know. I know that I will be home with my children again someday and I will tell them about the sacrifices that we had to make because of bad decisions that we made. (Not until they are older, of course.)

I also want to interject something that bothers me when some people say that dad's should work 60+ hours a week to pay the bills. I personally feel that the children need their fathers home also. If a child is raised in a home with a dad that works all the time, they grow up thinking that is the way dad's contribute to the family. (Personal expierience) My husband is a workaholic because that is how he percieved his father. If the day ends in "Y" you better be working! I feel that dads should be home at night also. Just my opinion.

Thanks again for all the advice.

Kellie