You Might Be in the Wrong Church If...

[InTheLight]

You might be familiar with Jeff Foxworthy's hilarious comedy routine, "you might be a redneck if..."

Well here I submit some warning signs that I believe indicate you are in the wrong church. I'm not going to list the basics like virgin birth, inspiration of Scripture, the literal resurrection, etc. since I think it is obvious. I invite you to add to the list.

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Any church that refrains from using the phrase "the blood of Jesus" because they don't want to offend people.

Any church that uses the phrase "disease of the soul", "moral failings", or "mistakes", instead of sin, or sinners.

Any church that doesn't preach repentance, or use the word repent.

Any church that doesn't preach on the second coming.

Any church that uses a euphemism for Hell instead of calling it Hell.

Any church that says the mode of baptism isn't important. (Hey, I'm a Baptist!)

Any church that never has an invitation or altar call. Or won't even do, "heads bowed and eyes closed, slip your hand up if you want prayer."

Any church that shies away from the phrase "born again" or "saved".

Any church that uses books and study guides instead of the Bible for sermons, instruction, or discussions.

Any church that says "there are people that God has saved that haven't heard the gospel yet."

Any church that has a musical, play, concert, movie, or drama at Christmas and/or Easter instead of a sermon. (Note I said instead)

Any church that does not display the cross.

Any church that has an abundance of American flags on display.

Any church that has multiple appeals for money (in addition to the regular offering, they also have the mission fund, the bus ministry fund, the parsonage fund, the new building fund, the Christian school fund, etc.)

Any church that insists you must be a member of their church or you can't take communion with them.

Any church that allows fornication or homosexuality by its members and/or doesn't condemn this activity.

I think that's a good start. Anyone else have some items?

 

[matt wade]

I can agree with all the points except for "Any church that insists you must be a member of their church or you can't take communion with them."

What's funny about that is that if you find a church that practices closed communion they are very likely to line up on all your other points, just like I did.

 

[Zaac]

Awww. I thought this was gonna be a funny thread.

You might be in the wrong church if the pastor steps into the Baptismal and steam starts going up!!!

or

You might be in the wrong church if every time you say "A-men", all the single ladies ask for your number:smilewinkgrin:

or

You might be in the wrong church if during Communion, everyone in the congregation smells the grape juice, sips it, swooshes it around and spits it back into the little glass.

or

You might be in the wrong church if when an altar call is done, folks think it's an opportunity to take a selfie with the pastor!

or

You might be in the wrong church if you go to Sunday School and your Chemistry teacher is in there placing tests on each seat!!!

I got a million of them!!!

Call me Jeff!!! :laugh:

 

[TCassidy]

You might be in the wrong church if you feel compelled to make long pharisaical, legalistic lists of what is wrong with everybody except you.

 

[InTheLight]

You might be in the wrong church if you feel compelled to make long pharisaical, legalistic lists of what is wrong with everybody except you.

So denying the blood of Christ is "legalistic and Pharisaical". Ditto with the need to be "born again".

All righty then...

 

[OnlyaSinner]

You might be in the wrong church if the pastor steps into the Baptismal and steam starts going up!!!

Actually heard about this happening. My former pastor (now home in glory), while serving at an church without a baptism facility, was making use of that at another likeminded church. After one day's baptisms, he noted to the host pastor that some of the candidates had complained that the water was cold. Next time our pastor held baptism there, the host church made sure those complaints weren't repeated. Did they ever! Pastor said that steam was rising from the water, he had all he could do not to gasp as he went down the steps, and very soon his legs were numb. The first candidate was a middle-aged man, and he got to the second step before the sensation reached home, at which point he shrieked and ran off, to the amazement of those present. (Needless to say, the water temperature was amended and things proceded normally.)

 

[Tom Butler]

I can agree with all the points except for "Any church that insists you must be a member of their church or you can't take communion with them."

What's funny about that is that if you find a church that practices closed communion they are very likely to line up on all your other points, just like I did.

I don't want this to become a closed vs. open communion thread, but I think each church has the right to decide for itself. While I personally favor closed communion (members only), the church I serve is more "close communion," that is, Baptists of like faith and order. I can live with that.
I can make a Biblical argument for closed, but I also do not want this issue to create dissension in my congregation.

The point is, each church decides whom it will invite to the Lord's table.

 

[evangelist6589]

You might be familiar with Jeff Foxworthy's hilarious comedy routine, "you might be a redneck if..."

Well here I submit some warning signs that I believe indicate you are in the wrong church. I'm not going to list the basics like virgin birth, inspiration of Scripture, the literal resurrection, etc. since I think it is obvious. I invite you to add to the list.

====

Any church that refrains from using the phrase "the blood of Jesus" because they don't want to offend people.

Any church that uses the phrase "disease of the soul", "moral failings", or "mistakes", instead of sin, or sinners.

Any church that doesn't preach repentance, or use the word repent.

Any church that doesn't preach on the second coming.

Any church that uses a euphemism for Hell instead of calling it Hell.

Any church that says the mode of baptism isn't important. (Hey, I'm a Baptist!)

Any church that never has an invitation or altar call. Or won't even do, "heads bowed and eyes closed, slip your hand up if you want prayer."

Any church that shies away from the phrase "born again" or "saved".

Any church that uses books and study guides instead of the Bible for sermons, instruction, or discussions.

Any church that says "there are people that God has saved that haven't heard the gospel yet."

Any church that has a musical, play, concert, movie, or drama at Christmas and/or Easter instead of a sermon. (Note I said instead)

Any church that does not display the cross.

Any church that has an abundance of American flags on display.

Any church that has multiple appeals for money (in addition to the regular offering, they also have the mission fund, the bus ministry fund, the parsonage fund, the new building fund, the Christian school fund, etc.)

Any church that insists you must be a member of their church or you can't take communion with them.

Any church that allows fornication or homosexuality by its members and/or doesn't condemn this activity.

I think that's a good start. Anyone else have some items?

Many Calvinist churches do not do alter calls due to the many problems with them. I would urge people to repent and turn from their ways and to let me or someone else know so I can help them grow in the faith. But you blanketely state that a church must do one. Why?

 

[mactx]

Any church that places it's religion above it Faith.
Eph 4.

 

[InTheLight]

I don't want this to become a closed vs. open communion thread, but I think each church has the right to decide for itself. While I personally favor closed communion (members only), the church I serve is more "close communion," that is, Baptists of like faith and order. I can live with that.
I can make a Biblical argument for closed, but I also do not want this issue to create dissension in my congregation.

The point is, each church decides whom it will invite to the Lord's table.

Yes, and I don't have a problem with each church deciding how they want to handle it. My point is if I were in a church that was about to have the Lord's Supper and they stated that only members of this particular local church could participate then I would know that is not the church for me. Simple.

 

[InTheLight]

Many Calvinist churches do not do alter calls due to the many problems with them. I would urge people to repent and turn from their ways and to let me or someone else know so I can help them grow in the faith. But you blanketely state that a church must do one. Why?

Using that Calvinist lens again, I see.

I stated that if a church NEVER has an altar call I would have a problem with it. Is your position that a church should never have a call to public action for people to demonstrate their faith? Never ask someone to come forward if they want counseling? Or never come forward for baptism? A public profession of faith?

Matt 10:32 “Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. 33 But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven.

So yes, if a church never has an invitation to action I would know I was likely in a Calvinist church and therefore it would not be the church for me.

 

[evangelist6589]

Using that Calvinist lens again, I see.



I stated that if a church NEVER has an altar call I would have a problem with it. Is your position that a church should never have a call to public action for people to demonstrate their faith? Never ask someone to come forward if they want counseling? Or never come forward for baptism? A public profession of faith?



Matt 10:32 “Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. 33 But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven.



So yes, if a church never has an invitation to action I would know I was likely in a Calvinist church and therefore it would not be the church for me.

No I said public alter calls not baptisms.

 

[Zaac]

In some areas of Christendom, this Calvin seems more important than Jesus.

Speaking of Calvin

Anybody think Johnny Test and Dukey were patterned after Calvin and Hobbes?

Hmmmm.

 

[12strings]

Any church that uses books and study guides instead of the Bible for sermons, instruction, or discussions.

So to clarify, any church that uses any curriculum or book as a guide for ANY Sunday school class is compromising truth in some way?

Any church that does not display the cross.

Again, to clarify, all the small house churches and churches that have to meet in different locations due to persecution or other reasons must make it a matter of first importance to find or make some kind of cross and hang it up before they begin their service? ...Otherwise they must be assumed to be ashamed of the cross?

 

[InTheLight]

So to clarify, any church that uses any curriculum or book as a guide for ANY Sunday school class is compromising truth in some way?

No. And you were correct to ask. I didn't explain it enough. To rephrase: Any church that uses books and study guides EXCLUSIVELY for instruction and edification.

Again, to clarify, all the small house churches and churches that have to meet in different locations due to persecution or other reasons must make it a matter of first importance to find or make some kind of cross and hang it up before they begin their service? ...Otherwise they must be assumed to be ashamed of the cross?

No, no. You are correct again. I was thinking more about churches in the US that have a change in their philosophy and remove the cross so as not to be offensive. Or buy or rent a building and don't put a cross on the premises so as not to offend.

 

[JonC]

No. And you were correct to ask. I didn't explain it enough. To rephrase: Any church that uses books and study guides EXCLUSIVELY for instruction and edification.

I might be in the wrong church if the adult study leader hands me a Lifeway study guide. (For most of my life I've attended churches that used Lifeway or that type materials...I have never understood the reasoning. But it was the main reason I left my home church).

 

[Revmitchell]

Again, to clarify, all the small house churches and churches that have to meet in different locations due to persecution or other reasons must make it a matter of first importance to find or make some kind of cross and hang it up before they begin their service? ...Otherwise they must be assumed to be ashamed of the cross?

Maybe he just meant those who are in a fixed location and just do not care enough to do so.

 

[TCassidy]

So denying the blood of Christ is "legalistic and Pharisaical".

Nobody in your example denied the blood of Christ. They just, according to you, refrained from using those exact words.

Ditto with the need to be "born again".

You didn't say that. You said they shied away from it. I use the term "regenerate" in place of "born again." Does that make me an apostate, according to you?

 

[evangelist6589]

In some areas of Christendom, this Calvin seems more important than Jesus.



Speaking of Calvin

Anybody think Johnny Test and Dukey were patterned after Calvin and Hobbes?

Hmmmm.

Wrong!!! I do not Idol Calvin scripture is my authority. Inthelight gets confused whenever bible correlates with what Calvin taught. Scripture is the authority and despite all the qualities of Calvinism in some areas it's wrong namely eschatology.

 

[Bro. Curtis]

Any church that does not display the cross.


Any church that insists you must be a member of their church or you can't take communion with them.

I guess these are hold-overs from my fundy days, but I still reject the cross as a required symbol for us. And I do think people should be a member of SOME Baptist church to participate in Communion. I used to travel a lot for work, and visited a lot of Churches, and it would be impossible to be a member of every one of them, but I do think you should be a baptized member of a church to participate in this.