You must be a Baptist if:

... if you're saved and you know it.

(But you're not too sure about those Presbyterians.)

 

If you think "Robert's Rules of Order" is the 67th book of the canon.

 

If you think a motion, second, discussion, and vote must precede the Rapture...

 

Here is our list so far, for those who will put it in this week's bulletin.../


You must be a Baptist if:

1. if you believe you are supposed to take a covered dish to Heaven with you!

2. You can sing every verse to 'Just As I Am' without even looking at the hymnal.
3. You waste all your yearly annual leave
4. on RAIN DAYS just to avoid getting sprinkled

5. If Lottie Moon is a name used a lot in your church this time of the year.
6. If you thought Lottie was a member of your church
7. if you try to figure out what you can use as a substitute for 'wine' in gormet recipes!
8. If your Bible is red but not read.
9. If you know the difference between a demon and a deacon (if you resist the devil, he will flee, if you resist a deacon, he'll cut your throat).
10. if you are on the committee to form a committee to study a committee on committees.
11. if there is a fight for the back row of pews.
12. if you disagree with the person on your right AND left on the pew. And one of them is your wife
13. if you constantly have chicken grease on your hands!?!
14. if your church draws a "crowd" rather than a congregation.
15. if Five out of four members of your congegration have major problems with fractions
16. if your preacher can’t count, and always estimates 25% high
17. if you believe that you cannot do things differently, because it has never been done this way before....
18. if the phrase "the church I used to go to" often comes up in conversation
19. if you are never wrong, it is just that sometimes you are less right than you thought you were.
20. if you yell "amen" at a Town Meeting
21. if you call the mailman "Brother" and you don't even know him!
22. if you hug several ladies and your wife does not even mind
23. if you're saved and you know it. (But you're not too sure about those Presbyterians.)
24. If you think "Robert's Rules of Order" is the 67th book of the canon.
25. If you think a motion, second, discussion, and vote must precede the Rapture...

 

You MUST be a Baptist if you got the Lifeway Catalog for Vacation Bible School 2004 on your desk ready for ordering!

Far Out Far East, Rickshaw Rally.. Racing to the SON!

 

sorry.. Bellsouth's squirrels have wet fur from all the rain and with my crash came a double post!

 

True, Royal Blue Blooded, "Don't Shoot 'till You See the White's of Their Eyes Southern Baptists will blame double postin' on the rain, squirrels and BellSouth!!

Your buddy,
Blackbird

 

You're an olde tyme baptist if you think that the wooden pulpit is more pleasing to God than the clear plexiglass.

 

You must be a Baptist if after church you try and beat the Methodists to the diner!

 

You've ever heard someone actually say "My preacher could whup your preacher"!

 

....."let's have every head bowed and every eye closed" is code for nap time.

And if during that nap, you've mastered the art of raising your hand at the right times, right on cue.

 

...if you think Sunday night services are a part of the canon.

...if you think Jesus turned water into grape juice.

...if you have ever used the expression "cigarettes will not make you go to Hell but will make you smell like you have been there."

...if you think Jesus actually served those small little box shaped hard wafers at the Last Supper.

...if most of your theological training involves a Scofield Reference Bible.

...if you still wear a suit and tie that you have owned for over 25 years.

 

.......you've ever been tempted to wear a rain coat while sitting in the front pew.

 

Have a room for all the "lost bibles" left by good church attending folks

Have a church secretary that can get more "done" then the pastor or deacons

 

...If you think "piercing" is what children's church does to your eardrums;
...If you still associate tatoos with sailors;
...When you tell a Charismatic what church you go to and they think you ought to dress like Ward or June Cleaver;
...When you hesitate to bring in "new music" that was copyrighted after 1960;
...When someone says they come from another kind of church & your preacher asks, "Are you sure you're saved?"