Young People in the Church and Marriage

[NoQuieroUnQueso]

So start things out, let me make something very clear. I am NOT against Godly Christian Marriage, nor am I one of those lousy feminists. I think marriage that is chosen by God and spiritually led by the Lord is a very good thing. I think if we had more good Christian marriages in this world, we'd be a lot better off.

However, I've seen a lot of emphasis recently put on young people today regarding the topic of marriage. For example, half a year ago in my church one of the women decided to have a teen girls group during service. This group was about marriage and being a good wife, and they didn't even read out of the bible. Keep in mind these girls were 13-14, with my little sister topping off the age range at 17. While I think it's very important to instruct young boys and girls about those topics, mainly by their parents if possible, but first and foremost I believe it is important to teach children to be right with the Lord before concerning themselves with marriage, if that is indeed the Lord's plan for them. If they strive to be good Christians and follow the Lord's Holy Word, then you'd think they'd be good wives and husbands by default.

But if there's one thing my parents taught me when I was young, it was that the Lord will not reveal to you your intended spouse before you were ready both spiritually and maturity-wise. Until then, it was best to focus on your relationship with God and let Him handle the rest.

While I know things like that must be discussed with children, I wonder just how much pressure should be put on young ones concerning marriage. I won't get into those with no desire to marry or fornicate, the Lord made my best gal pal that way, but I wonder if putting marriage above everything else is healthy for the youth of today. I know for one that my little sister had many issues and was nowhere near ready to be talking about that yet. She's now 18 and lives with her boyfriend, who she calls her 'husband'. No, they are not married, but I'm pretty sure they're behaving like they are, if you catch my drift.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Exactly how much importance do you think should be put on marriage for kids? Thanks in advance for your time and God Bless!

 

[Deacon]

... the Lord will not reveal to you your intended spouse before you were ready both spiritually and maturity-wise.

I don't think that is a biblical promise... I certainly had a lot of maturing to do after I was married.

Having a mature woman counsel younger women on the other hand is biblical (Titus 2:3-5).

Rob

 

[NoQuieroUnQueso]

I don't think that is a biblical promise... I certainly had a lot of maturing to do after I was married.

Having a mature woman counsel younger women on the other hand is biblical (Titus 2:3-5).

Rob

Thanks for replying! While I do agree that mature Christian women should help counsel younger women, as it is written in scripture. However, I would hardly consider a 13 year old to be a woman. At that point, they're still children and under the authority of their parents.

Perhaps young people don't need to be the most mature they can be, as there's always room for growth, you could agree that they at least need to be saved first before marriage becomes something they need to be concerned with. And for a lot of young people, that hasn't happened yet. It may be more important to point them toward the Lord rather than finding a spouse.

Again, I'm all for good, Christian marriage. But if some of the young people in your group aren't even saved, then that shouldn't be the most important thing on their minds. Our pastor disbanded the teen group because they weren't going to the Bible for their lessons, rather a pamphlet made by this guy who didn't even quote scripture.

 

[Roy]

I am 65 years old and during my childhood years, shacking up was considered a scandalous behavior, and it is too bad that it is no longer that way. Too many kids these days are growing up in homes where the adults are simply sex partners, and with that kind of leadership and guidance they will be totally blown away upon hearing that fornicators and adulterers won't enter heaven.

There were laws in many states, at one time, which forbade cohabitation and homosexual behavior. Though many people may think that such laws were silly, the fact is that by observing such laws, the public created a fertile environment for producing well adjusted families.

Giving kids proper biblical instruction on marriage is probably needed in a worse way today than ever because so many of them are even second and third generation products of "free sex", and not products of responsible parents.

 

[Rob_BW]

I don't know, it seems to me like standard adult advice nowadays is to hold off on marriage as long as possible. All a part of the tendency to stretch childhood out and delay adulthood.

Kids are told to forego marriage because they're too young, and look at the statistics, and live a little first. Then you have some 30 somethings who are already set in their ways getting married and bumping heads. I have seen multiple sets of friends end up divorced this way.

I reckon I got married young. I was 22 and my bride was 19. We had dated about a year. And I'm sure people were betting on how long it would last (17 years to far) or when the baby was going to pop out (our first was born in our 7th year of marriage). We got married young, and grew together. Often it wasn't easy, but it laid the foundation of everything else.

 

[NoQuieroUnQueso]

Allow me to reiterate. I didn't say we should never teach about marriage. Especially in today's society, young people do need to be instructed on what the Bible teaches about marriage and staying pure before marriage. If I could rephrase my question, I'm wondering what should take priority when young people are entering a church: Teaching them about marriage or teaching them about salvation through the blood of Jesus Christ? What should come first? I believe if a young person isn't saved, then marriage shouldn't be yet on their minds. Repenting and giving yourself to the Lord should be first.

My little sister had a lot of problems when we first came to the church, many of these involved talking dirty to strangers and this obsession over an unsaved boy at her school, who she ended up running away and moving in with him and his mom. With all this talk about getting married, she got very impatient despite the fact that she clearly wasn't ready yet. I mean she's 18 and he's 16, both are still sophomores in high school. I think she should have been focused on her relationship with the Lord and waiting for a Christian boy who would have waited until they were both graduated and married.

 

[Roy]

[/
If I could rephrase my question, I'm wondering what should take priority when young people are entering a church: Teaching them about marriage or teaching them about salvation through the blood of Jesus Christ?]

Salvation should rate higher than anything at church. The way that many Sunday School classes are structured creates a mix of saved and unsaved church attendees to be placed in the same class. Age is the normal criteria for class formation. Class curriculum may be handed down by the local church administration, or maybe it comes from a district or higher branch of authority.
Marriage should be taught using Biblical examples with emphasis given to the need for "Christ-centeredness" in our marriages today.
Your sister and brother-in-law may be stubborn and hard to talk to, but try to offer some encouragement without appearing to be condescending or critical. I am sure that they made a poor choice, but now they need to grow up fast (mature) and hold on for the rough ride ahead. Without the Savior, they really have nothing to hold to. I will say a prayer for them, and you, as a concerned sib with a spiritual outlook, I feel sure that you will offer a sincere prayer too.
BTW, since I am going to pray for your sister, would you please pray for my brother? He was an intelligent man who wrecked his mind by heavy drinking. His condition has been diagnosed as alcohol induced dementia. I would appreciate your prayer.

 

[NoQuieroUnQueso]

That's probably the better way to go. Just keep Christ as the focus and you can't go wrong. As for my sister's situation, the boy isn't my brother-in-law, my sister and him aren't married (and the boy himself is only 16.) but I do pray for him and my sister. I'll be praying for your brother as well, Roy. I hope the Lord helps him and you through your lives. God Bless!

 

[MartyF]

But if there's one thing my parents taught me when I was young, it was that the Lord will not reveal to you your intended spouse before you were ready both spiritually and maturity-wise. Until then, it was best to focus on your relationship with God and let Him handle the rest.

Umm, . . . Did they give you a Biblical basis for that or did they make that up so that you wouldn’t get married young?

 

[evenifigoalone]

As someone with no desire to marry, I'd like to see less emphasis on it. People talk to me as if it's a given that I'm going to get married--"your future husband", etc. Had one jerkhole tell me that "there is one consolation--one day you'll be out from the authority of your parents and under the authority of your husband instead". (The original conversation had been about me, as an adult, still being under the authority of my parents even after leaving their home. Guy was a trip.)

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[evenifigoalone]

My dad used to say that people shouldn't date until they're in their 20's--22 for women, 25 for men

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[MartyF]

As someone with no desire to marry, I'd like to see less emphasis on it. People talk to me as if it's a given that I'm going to get married--"your future husband", etc. Had one jerkhole tell me that "there is one consolation--one day you'll be out from the authority of your parents and under the authority of your husband instead". (The original conversation had been about me, as an adult, still being under the authority of my parents even after leaving their home. Guy was a trip.)

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I would say that that is an awful thing to say to a young woman.