Baby shower for an unwed mother

[Revmitchell]

Is it possible to not have the baby shower at the church and yet not shun her. Is having it on church grounds required to avoid not shunning her? Is there another way to handle it?

 

[Dale-c]

Come to think of it, in the case I mentioned before the baby shower was not at the church but I think at the girls parents house and the ladies of the church were invited.

The girl was not shunned nor was her sin condoned.

But that is why I had to vote "other" in the poll because I do not see it as a one size fits all answer.

Also, I totally agree with the hypocrisy of shunning a girl who sins while ignoring when I man does.

 

[OldRegular]

What is always missing in these conversations is the guy. How should we treat the men in our churches who had children out of wed lock. For instance I went to a church where this young woman was black listed for having gotten pregnant out of wedlock. She did something unusual and confessed her sin before the whole church (publically!) Wow. Imgaine that! Yet she had to sign a contract and stayed out of any ministry for a year according to the contract. Once her year was up she wanted to sing again in the choir but was prohibited and the church wanted to write up another contract and she hadn't done anything wrong. Certain people stopped speaking with her etc... Yet in this same church we had a deacon who was living together with his fiancee. I left the church before I found out if he ever actually married his girlfriend. I think the application of church discipline in this case was very lopsided. I voted yes btw.

Once this young woman confessed her sin before the church she should have been accepted into full fellowship. I believe that is what Scripture teaches. This idea of punishing those who have confessed their sin smacks too much of penance which we as Baptists are supposed to reject.

Sadly there is still, and I guess always will be, a double standard when it comes to the sexual activities of male and female. If a young woman gets pregnant she basically has two choices, abortion or bear the child and the stigma with which some self righteous people view her. The male in this instance bears no responsibility and no reproach. He may even be greeted with a little envy!

I am not justifying pre marital sex, it is wrong but it takes two. For example who is getting dumped on in the case of the young Palin girl. The guilty boy is being made a matinee idol by the left wing press.

May I also note that there is a big difference between two unmarried people living together and perhaps an isolated event where a young woman gets pregnant. I would also point out, as others have, that this young woman could have gotten an abortion. I thank God for that.:godisgood: Furthermore, the baby is innocent.:godisgood:

 

[HankD]

Sadly there is still, and I guess always will be, a double standard when it comes to the sexual activities of male and female. If a young woman gets pregnant she basically has two choices, abortion or bear the child and the stigma with which some self righteous people view her. The male in this instance bears no responsibility and no reproach. He may even be greeted with a little envy!

All you who feel this way are wrong. He will bear the responsibility. Unless there is a turn around, there is one who will not greet him with envy and He has no double standard.

2 Corinthians 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.
​

HankD

 

[Magnetic Poles]

If a public baby shower would be perceived as condoning behavior that led to the conception of an ill-legitimate child, then the church should distance itself from a public position perceived as condoning sinful behavior.

There are no illegitimate children. They did nothing to deserve a label or scorn.

 

[Jkdbuck76]

Yes. Have it. That mother and ESPECIALLY that baby need to know God's love.

It isn't the baby's fault that two teenagers were stupid.

 

[Dale-c]

Once this young woman confessed her sin before the church she should have been accepted into full fellowship.

This is the whole point in my opinion.
Once a sin is confessed it is done with.

Either that or every person who gossips should be shunned to I suppose.

 

[StefanM]

It seems to me that Jesus tended to care more about people than appearances.

 

[donnA]

having a party to celebrate a sinful lifestyle, at church, nope.
nothing saying people can't help with needed items, or witness to her, but a celebration, a party, no, certainly not
a shower would be church approval of her sin.

 

[Pastor Larry]

Yes. Have it. That mother and ESPECIALLY that baby need to know God's love.

It isn't the baby's fault that two teenagers were stupid.

Perhaps I am reading too much into this, but there seems this idea that God's love can't be shown without a baby shower. Why? Can we not show God's love by actually caring for the young lady and providing things she needs without drawing attention and celebrating the situation?

It seems to me that Jesus tended to care more about people than appearances.

Is anyone here suggesting we should not care for this young lady?

 

[rbell]

having a party to celebrate a sinful lifestyle, at church, nope.
nothing saying people can't help with needed items, or witness to her, but a celebration, a party, no, certainly not
a shower would be church approval of her sin.

Once again, I say...

It is possible to have the shower but also address the sin.

Our church has had unwed parents to confess their sin before. We have removed people from leadership positions for a season. It doesn't have to be "either-or," IMO. If the sin is ignored, that is a problem. But just because the shower is held, doesn't mean the sin was ignored.

 

[BigBossman]

Perhaps I am reading too much into this, but there seems this idea that God's love can't be shown without a baby shower. Why? Can we not show God's love by actually caring for the young lady and providing things she needs without drawing attention and celebrating the situation?

Is anyone here suggesting we should not care for this young lady?

I have to say I completely agree with you. I think its possible to help the single mother out without having a shower. Besides, if I were a single parent who had a child, I would feel weird having a baby shower at church. To celebrate having a child out of wedlock would be saying that its okay to have a sexual relationship outside of marriage. I don't think anyone is saying penalize the child, whose dad ran off.

Thinkingstuff also made a good point too. The father is not in the equation. What really needs to happen is there needs to be accountability, not just on the mother's part, but also on the father's part too.

 

[donnA]

Perhaps I am reading too much into this, but there seems this idea that God's love can't be shown without a baby shower. Why? Can we not show God's love by actually caring for the young lady and providing things she needs without drawing attention and celebrating the situation?

Is anyone here suggesting we should not care for this young lady?

very good post.

But just because the shower is held, doesn't mean the sin was ignored.

no it was celebrated, and by being celebrated it was approved to the other teenagers.

Christians today tend to thumb their noses at a sinful lifetsytle, to look the other way, to redifine what sin is.

You can not reward someone for their sin, you can not celebrate sin.

To celebrate having a child out of wedlock would be saying that its okay to have a sexual relationship outside of marriage

exactly

 

[StefanM]

Is anyone here suggesting we should not care for this young lady?

No. I'm simply saying that the Jesus who dined with sinners wouldn't worry as much about whether or not having a shower had the appearance of condoning sin.

 

[webdog]

no it was celebrated, and by being celebrated it was approved to the other teenagers.

Christians today tend to thumb their noses at a sinful lifetsytle, to look the other way, to redifine what sin is.

You can not reward someone for their sin, you can not celebrate sin.

...yet the double standard exists in just about every church during "fellowship dinners" which should be more aptly named "gluttony dinners". We have no problem pointing out our pet peeve sins while patting our stomachs saying "I can't eat another bite". What message does this send to our youth when this happens on a regular basis? I'll admit, I've been just as guilty of this.

 

[rbell]

no it was celebrated, and by being celebrated it was approved to the other teenagers.

Christians today tend to thumb their noses at a sinful lifetsytle, to look the other way, to redifine what sin is.

You can not reward someone for their sin, you can not celebrate sin.

This statement is offensive to my church and ministry. You have no idea how we handle things...do not accuse me, or my church, of redefining sin or looking the other way.

Trust me...we seek to be redemptive, but we do not minimize the sin. And I resent your accusation that we do.

I have attempted to explain that we do confront...we do ask for confession...but for some reason you ignore that explanation.

Priesthood of the believer here: I do not fault your church for not having the shower. But, especially since I've made it plain that we deal with the sin...do not accuse us of ignoring it.

 

[annsni]

no it was celebrated, and by being celebrated it was approved to the other teenagers.

Christians today tend to thumb their noses at a sinful lifetsytle, to look the other way, to redifine what sin is.

You can not reward someone for their sin, you can not celebrate sin.

When a teenager gets up in front of the church and confess their sin to the church, they certainly didn't get away with it. The baby is celebrated, not the sin.

 

[Revmitchell]

...yet the double standard exists in just about every church during "fellowship dinners" which should be more aptly named "gluttony dinners". We have no problem pointing out our pet peeve sins while patting our stomachs saying "I can't eat another bite". What message does this send to our youth when this happens on a regular basis? I'll admit, I've been just as guilty of this.

Not disagreeing with you here other than to say the impact form one sin is much much greater than the other. And for that reason it stands out in a greater way and is dealt with differently.

 

[Pastor Larry]

The father is not in the equation. What really needs to happen is there needs to be accountability, not just on the mother's part, but also on the father's part too.

Of course, but we weren't talking about him.

No. I'm simply saying that the Jesus who dined with sinners wouldn't worry as much about whether or not having a shower had the appearance of condoning sin.

And you konw this based on what? Jesus eating with sinners is hardly the same as having a baby shower, so far as I can tell, but I will be glad to entertain an argument if you make one.

...yet the double standard exists in just about every church during "fellowship dinners" which should be more aptly named "gluttony dinners".

Why?

We have no problem pointing out our pet peeve sins while patting our stomachs saying "I can't eat another bite".

Is there some command against eating until we are full?

What message does this send to our youth when this happens on a regular basis?

Again, I have to confess I am not sure what the sin is. I eat until I am full at church dinners and I don't think anyone has ever called me a glutton. Perhaps the message we send to our teens is that we should enjoy the good things God gave us to eat.

I'll admit, I've been just as guilty of this.

Guilty of what? Of eating until you are full?

BTW, why is it that any time anyone brings up sin or preaching against sin, someone always manages to inject gluttony? (That's hyperbole ... It doesn't happen every time. But if it happens once, it is too often.) Even if we are guilty of gluttony, that doesn't make other sins okay.

 

[StefanM]

And you konw this based on what? Jesus eating with sinners is hardly the same as having a baby shower, so far as I can tell, but I will be glad to entertain an argument if you make one.

We come from such a different set of presuppositions that such an argument would be tedious for me and unconvincing for you. Just an observation, however...the casuistry of this discussion doesn't seem to be in accord with the general tenor of Christ's ministry. Just my opinion, at least.